<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Secret Admirer by bulletincookie</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25490917">Secret Admirer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletincookie/pseuds/bulletincookie'>bulletincookie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Gentle Kissing, Gift Giving, Hint of depression, Idiot Burn, Idiots in Love, M/M, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, Secret Admirer, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Jaskier | Dandelion, copious amounts of shenanigans, soft, they are so soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:09:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>43,915</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25490917</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletincookie/pseuds/bulletincookie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaskier receives a flower from a "secret admirer" who doesn't show all night, nor any other night as more gifts keep coming with no name with them. At least he has his friend Eskel to comfort him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eskel/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>311</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Trans Characters in The Witcher Universe</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This came about all of a sudden because I came into possession of some bingo cards and the prompt "Secret Admirer" caught my eye and the cryptid and vaguely bee-shaped gremlins that live in my head demanded more jaskel because I'm being extra slow with my current jaskel wip that is turning out way too long</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"For you. From a secret admirer," the bartender, his best friend Priscilla , teased as she handed Jaskier over a bright cornflower. Jaskier took it gingerly and marveled at it, then spared a brief glance over the audience. There weren't a whole lot of people in the bar, but none of them looked particularly interested in him now that he wasn't playing.</p><p>He had come to this bar frequently to provide music. It was a deal he had set up with the owner, who seemed to have taken a liking to him and his singing. Rightfully so in Jaskier's humble opinion.</p><p>He twirled the flower between his finger and thumb with a small smile on his face. He was no stranger to secret admirers. "Did this 'secret admirer' leave any message for me?" he asked.</p><p>Priscilla prepared his usual drink for him. "No, and I'm not going to give you any details either."</p><p>"Oh come on, I know you're a sucker for this kind of thing!" Jaskier insisted. "Don't you want to see whoever is pining so deeply for me have their love acknowledged and out in the open? Perhaps it would even be reciprocated."</p><p>Priscilla shook her head and grinned at him. "I'm under oath to not tell you a single thing."</p><p>"So what if you told a different customer and I just happened to overhear?"</p><p>"Not happening, Jaskier."</p><p>"Do I know them?"</p><p>"I'm not telling you anything."</p><p>"Ooh, is that a yes? Tall or short? Long or short hair?"</p><p>Priscilla laughed and wiped down the counter. "Just because you're terrible at keeping secrets doesn't mean everyone is."</p><p>Jaskier whined and flopped over the bar to give puppy dog eyes up at Priscilla. "You're cruel. Downright awful, the worst. You are the worst friend ever, I'm packing my things and taking your cat and moving out immediately."</p><p>"Oh no, whatever shall I do without you," Priscilla said as she continued to wipe down the counter around Jaskier.</p><p>"Are you that tired from sitting down all evening?" a voice came from behind as a heavy hand landed on his shoulder. Jaskier sat up and looked to see Eskel standing there, a small smile on his face as he held a glass of water.</p><p>"Eskel, you came!" he said with a tight hug around his friend.</p><p>Eskel chuckled and wrapped an arm around Jaskier. "Of course. Told you I'd try to make it out here more often didn't I?"</p><p>That gave Jaskier an idea, and he pulled away to show Eskel the cornflower. "Did you see who dropped this off at the counter?"</p><p>Eskel studied the flower for a moment, his head tilted as he thought. "Can't say I did. Why?"</p><p>"I got it from a secret admirer, and Priscilla refuses to tell me who it was." Jaskier shot a pout at Priscilla, who didn't even look up. He sighed and took a long drink of his cocktail. "Whoever it is, they're good at hiding it. Nobody here was watching me get it."</p><p>"Ah well, I'm sure they'll show eventually." Eskel assured him with a pat on the shoulder.</p><p>"You're right. Most secret admirers stick around at least to see how their gift is received," Jaskier mused as he stuck the flower behind his ear and downed the last of his drink. "Maybe if they see I like it then they'll approach me? I can sing a love song."</p><p>"That's the spirit. Sing the cheesiest one you know," Eskel said with a nudge back towards the stage.</p><p>Jaskier headed for the stage once more and plopped back down in the stool with his guitar. He was already getting giddy with the thought. He cleared his throat and gave an easy grin out to the audience. "This next one goes to my secret admirer," he announced. "Don't be shy and hide from me darling, I swing all ways with all ages." He tossed a wink out before starting up the next song, '<em>Can't Help Falling In Love</em>'. Eskel did tell him to play the cheesiest one, after all.</p><p>As he played and sang, he kept an eye on the audience. To see if anyone was watching him particularly intently. Well, except for Priscilla and Eskel of course. They were his friends, they probably felt obligated to watch him. Nobody in the audience gave any indicator though, and nobody went up to the bar during the song.</p><p>So Jaskier continued to croon love songs into the mic, occasionally taking a break to go to the bar to chat with Eskel and Priscilla as he had a drink to wet his throat. Nobody approached him though, and eventually the night was drawing to a close. Or, at least, his time he was paid for to sing was drawing to a close with no sign of his secret admirer.</p><p>"That's it for my time tonight, but my darling secret admirer if you're still here I'll be around for a while at the bar if you'd like to chat. And if the bar closes before we're done, well, I have nowhere to be tonight," he announced with a cheeky grin before getting off of the stool. He packed up his guitar and went to the bar to hand it to Priscilla so she could keep it safe until he was ready to leave.</p><p>"My dearest friend, my most trusted confidant, my partner in crime, the one I get ice cream for at four in the morning when you had a bad night at work," Jaskier cooed as he sat at the bar and leaned over the counter slightly.</p><p>"Still not telling," Priscilla replied flatly, though there was a mischievous tilt to her lips.</p><p>Jaskier whined and flopped back down on the counter. "Can't you at least tell me if they're still here?"</p><p>"You know how bad I am at faces, I can't even remember who it was now."</p><p>"What about you Eskel?" Jaskier asked as he turned to his other friend. "My <em>better</em> best friend, my safe haven in the countryside--"</p><p>"Didn't see anything," Eskel interrupted with a small wave.</p><p>Jaskier deflated and flopped back down onto the counter as Priscilla set a drink in front of him. He took it and sipped at it with his best morose expression. "I and my secret admirer are going to die alone and brokenhearted now because you refuse to help me out," he huffed with a finger pointed at Priscilla. "I could have had my brains fucked out by now but I'm not and it's all your fault."</p><p>"Doubt that'd happen," Eskel said with a chuckle. "Someone sappy enough to pull the secret admirer card, they're never looking to just get laid."</p><p>"I know," Jaskier sighed, and swirled his drink a bit as he rested his head on his hand.</p><p>The last few hours of the bar passed with Eskel, Jaskier, and Priscilla chatting. An occasional patron came up to the bar for more drinks, and they sometimes tossed a passing comment to Jaskier complimenting his singing, but nothing that indicated a secret admirer. Jaskier's mood fell lower and lower, until Priscilla announced over the speakers last call for drinks, and his mood hit rock bottom when the lights were turned on and everyone was told to leave.</p><p>Jaskier took his guitar and sighed, tracing his fingers over the stitching on the case. Well, maybe his secret admirer would show up tomorrow.</p><p>Eskel must have noticed his lack of dramatics about how upset he was, proving exactly how bad his mood had fallen, because the other man patted Jaskier's shoulder as he stood.</p><p>"Want to come over tonight? Lil' Bleater misses you," he offered. "Got some new tea I think you'd like."</p><p>That brightened Jaskier's mood a bit. "What is it?"</p><p>Eskel smiled and gave him a nudge with his elbow. "You'll have to come over and see, won't you?"</p><p>Jaskier smiled a bit and slung his guitar over his shoulder. "Alright, let's go." He gave a wave to Priscilla, who was wiping down the tables, and left with Eskel.</p><p>The ride to Eskel's farm was quiet, as Jaskier traced his fingers over the stitching and outlines of various stickers he had put on the case over the years. One of the stickers was a bundle of cornflowers. He wondered if that's where his secret admirer got the idea for the flower from. The cornflower was still tucked behind his ear, and he gently took it out to stare at it, as if he stared at it hard enough then it'd tell him who gave it to him.</p><p>He almost didn't notice when they pulled up to Eskel's farm, only snapping out of his musings when his door suddenly opened and Eskel stood there with a smile.</p><p>"Coming inside?" he asked.</p><p>Jaskier smiled and stepped out with his guitar after tucking the flower back behind his ear. As he approached the door, he realized the two flowerbeds that had sat barren or overrun with weeds, now had all kinds of flowers of different colors in various stages of blooming. He gasped.</p><p>"Oh, why didn't you tell me you planted flowers?" he asked. "It looks beautiful!"</p><p>"Didn't want to tell you until they were all bloomed," Eskel explained with a smile. "Do you like it?"</p><p>"Of course! It brightens up your place so much," Jaskier cooed as he caressed a rose that was nearly the size of his hand.</p><p>"I'll make sure to take good care of 'em then," Eskel said as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. Jaskier headed for the door, feeling a bit warm. He knelt down as Lil' Bleater came bouncing outside to greet him, her stubby tail wagging like a dog's, wearing a white and pink patterned sweater. She put her hooves up on Jaskier's lap to stretch up as she bleated, and Jaskier laughed and scritched behind her ears.</p><p>"You did miss me, didn't you?" he cooed. "Sorry princess, I'll ask your daddy if I can visit more often."</p><p>"I'd like that. I'm sure she would too," Eskel said, leaning against the doorframe to watch Lil' Bleater bounce around Jaskier and headbutt him playfully.</p><p>Jaskier smiled and stood up. "I'd like that too," he said softly, feeling his heart skip a beat. He waved for Lil' Bleater to follow him inside. "Now what was that new tea you mentioned?"</p><p>If he had paid more attention and if there were a bit more light from the moon, he would have seen the small group of cornflowers tucked in the back corner of one of the flowerbeds, and one cut stem.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay so i guess im continuing this now after being shouted at to at least make them smooch, and apparently jaskel is slightly more popular than i thought</p><p>so here's 4.5k of jaskier being bullied by his friends with a side dash of jaskel. i dont know how this happened.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaskier’s secret admirer was clearly smart, but Jaskier was going to be smarter. He decreed it so the minute he walked into the bar with his guitar.</p><p>So, that entire night when he was performing, taking breaks, and chatting with regulars that came up for requests, he watched the bar carefully. He kept an eye on any patrons that talked with Priscilla more than just ordering a drink, anything that was handed to her, and any looks given his way.</p><p>However, he was disappointed by the time his set was finished and nothing seemed to happen. Nobody handed anything more than money or empty plates and cups to Priscilla, nobody gestured towards him or looked at him with any particular interest. So his secret admirer was a one time thing then.</p><p>He sighed and packed up his guitar with his tips and headed for the bar to hold his guitar out to Priscilla to keep safe.</p><p>“I’ll trade you,” she teased with a wink as she took the guitar case and held out a folded note in return. The handwriting wasn’t particularly pretty or loopy, but it was clear the one that penned the note tried to make it neat.</p><p>Jaskier squinted and read it aloud.</p><p>“<em>‘The love songs were sweet my dear</em></p><p>
  <em>The light of your joy casts shadows</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I am quite alright staying hidden in them</em>
</p><p><em>Even if all I want to do is hold you near. Signed, your secret admirer.’</em>”</p><p>“Isn’t that sweet,” Priscilla cooed, resting her chin on her hands.</p><p>“But--” Jaskier sputtered, trying to process it in his mind. He hadn’t gone to the bathroom all night yet. He shook the note at her. “How? I-- I was watching all night, nobody handed this to you! I would have seen!”</p><p>“It seems they’re just as smart as you are,” Priscilla mused with a teasing grin. “They came and went before you even got here. Only came to drop it off, seemed they were in a hurry.”</p><p>“Prissyyyyy,” Jaskier whined, flopping over the counter again and giving her his best puppy eyes. “Please? They're pining <em>so hard </em>for me. I need to know, I have to give them a chance."</p><p>"Nope."</p><p>"I'll buy you ice cream."</p><p>Priscilla was silent at that, and Jaskier took it as a sign to keep going. "The <em>biggest </em>size. What do you want? A cone? A milkshake? A sundae?"</p><p>"A sundae sounds good," Priscilla mused with a purse of her lips.</p><p>Jaskier brightened up and sat up, a wide grin on his face. "Then I will get you a sundae, my darling bestest friend in the whole wide world who does not keep the identity of a secret admirer from me.”</p><p>“With extra hot fudge and caramel?”</p><p>“Of <em>course</em>.”</p><p>Priscilla nodded and smiled as she set a glass of ice water down next to him. “You better not be too tired for the detour on the way home,” she teased.</p><p>Jaskier scoffed and waved her off. “Nonsense! I could never be too tired for ice cream.” He stopped and looked in the water, then squinted at her. “You didn’t poison this, did you?”</p><p>“Why would I poison it before I got free ice cream?”</p><p>“You could steal my wallet and buy it with my money.”</p><p>“It doesn’t taste the same as when someone else bought it.”</p><p>“That’s true.” Jaskier smiled and took a long drink of water. He set the cup down again and leaned in conspiratorially. “So do I get any advance information about my secret admirer?”</p><p>“Still not telling you.”</p><p>“Fine, fine, I’ll wait until the ice cream.”</p><p>Priscilla smiled and left to help a customer a little bit further down the bar. Jaskier would have gone home on his own if he wasn’t buzzing with excitement at the idea of <em>finally </em>getting to know something about his secret admirer. Knowing Priscilla she won’t give him the full details, but at least it would be something. He was already on the edge of his seat with excitement.</p>
<hr/><p>It didn’t mean he didn’t try to get every little detail out of her on the way to get ice cream. “So will you tell me now about my secret admirer?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Come on! Your mouth will be full of ice cream after, I just want to know small things. Insignificant things, really. What do they look like? Are they taller than me? Bigger than me? You know I’m weak for partners bigger than me, but it’s <em>so </em>hard to find them--”</p><p>“Jaskier,” Priscilla interrupted with a hand clapped onto his shoulder. “I’m still not telling.”</p><p>Jaskier deflated at that and pouted. “Not until after the ice cream is bought, right?”</p><p>“I didn’t promise anything.”</p><p>“You <em>awful </em>woman. You downright terrible, cruel--” Jaskier was at a loss of words. “How could my own best friend, my partner in crime, <em>betray </em>me like this!” He leaned dramatically against a pole, a hand over his chest. “I shall perish right where I stand from this heartbreak.”</p><p>“Don’t perish until I get my ice cream,” Priscilla said with a grin, and grabbed his arm and gave a small tug. “Come on.”</p><p>“I promised you ice cream in exchange for information about my secret admirer!” Jaskier exclaimed, but he let himself be pulled anyways. “The only reason I do not turn around and march us back home right now is because we’re already almost there.”</p><p>“Alright, alright, I’ll give you some info afterwards. Promise,” Priscilla vowed with a laugh. “It’s far too easy to mess with you.”</p><p>“You are a cruel and terrible woman,” Jaskier whined, slumping against her as they walked. He was sure it made him look drunk to any passerbys, but it was worth it for the sake of inconveniencing his friend.</p><p>“You already called me that,” Priscilla mused, easily stepping out from under his weight to continue on. “Really, you call yourself a poet and you can’t even come up with better insults than cruel and terrible?”</p><p>“I’m too distraught over the downright and utter betrayal of one of my best friends to think of words right now.” Jaskier huffed. “If I didn’t worry for you, I would lock you out of the house.”</p><p>“I know where the spare key is.”</p><p>“There’s a spare key?”</p><p>“Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. You’ll never know the truth now will you?”</p><p>Jaskier gasped and crossed his arms as he stopped in the middle of sidewalk. “What have you done with my best friend? The Priscilla I know is never this outrageously awful to me!”</p><p>“Really?” Priscilla stopped and turned around to put her hands on her hips, a smile on her face. “As if you don’t give as good as you get.”</p><p>“I am nothing but an absolute angel to my friends.”</p><p>“Really? So the one that wrote<em> an entire song </em>just to tease Geralt about how much he loves his horse and then proceeded to perform it in front of the morning crowd because you knew he couldn’t strangle you at work was just someone that looked remarkably like you?”</p><p>“He had it coming,” Jaskier said with a poke of his finger towards her. “He <em>never </em>has time for anything! He doesn’t even do anything fun except take care of his horse!”</p><p>“Maybe he’s secretly a spy,” Priscilla mused as she and Jaskier started to walk again. “Roach is actually his partner’s codename, but he says it’s his horse’s name so he doesn’t have to explain where he’s at all the time.”</p><p>Jaskier gasped. “You’re absolutely right! The bar is just a coverup! His real job is being a top secret spy!” He looked at her with fake horror on his face. “Do you think he has to come for us now that we know his true identity?”</p><p>“Only if we let him know we know.”</p><p>“He’s a spy, Priscilla! He knows <em>everything</em>. He probably has all of our clothes wiretapped.”</p><p>“How would he be able to do that?”</p><p>“He broke into our place--”</p><p>“Not like he’d need to, you’d let him in and let him go through all of our stuff if he asked.”</p><p>“--He <em>broke into our place</em>,” Jaskier continued pointedly, ignoring her, “and put tiiiiiny little microphones in all of our stuff. Our clothes, our furniture, everything!”</p><p>“How would they survive through the wash?”</p><p>“It’s spy technology of course. It’s ultra advanced, it can survive depths of a hundred-- no, a <em>thousand </em>meters.”</p><p>“And how do you know all of this?” Priscilla asked with a teasing grin. She bumped their shoulders together. “Are you a spy too? Are you secretly out to kill Geralt?”</p><p>Jaskier scoffed and bumped her back. “Oh please, if I wanted to kill Geralt then I could easily have done so already.”</p><p>He was so caught up in the conspiracy theory that he didn’t hear the near silent footsteps behind them.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Jaskier was proud of himself, he only screamed a little bit at the sudden voice behind them. He whirled around and Geralt stood there, an amused tilt to his lips.</p><p>“You bastard! How long have you been following us?” he asked.</p><p>“Since the tiny microphones,” Geralt replied easily. “They’re not just microphones. They give your location too. If you get kidnapped by my spy rivals.”</p><p>Priscilla laughed. “Good to see you Geralt. Funny running into you.”</p><p>“It’s the tiny microphones!” Jaskier accused. “You heard us figure out your secret identity and you’re here to kill us now!”</p><p>“Why would I try, if you could kill me easily?” Geralt asked as he started to walk past them. “I wanted ice cream.”</p><p>Priscilla laughed and followed along, with Jaskier huffing as he shuffled behind him. “How lucky! Jaskier and I are here for the same reason. He’s paying.”</p><p>“Not for you too,” Jaskier cut in quickly. “It’s an exchange for information. Priscilla won’t tell me who my secret admirer is unless I buy her ice cream.”</p><p>That actually got Geralt to turn his head slightly to look at him with a raised eyebrow. “Are you assuming I don’t know who it is too?”</p><p>“What?” Jaskier quickened his pace so he could fall into step beside Geralt. “Who is it?”</p><p>Geralt shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. “If Priscilla won’t say anything without ice cream, then I won’t either.”</p><p>“You are both the worst people I have ever met,” Jaskier whined. He pulled out his wallet as they finally approached the ice cream place. “Fine, order what you want.” It wasn’t like he was going to make Geralt pay for his own ice cream anyways, after running into them, and Geralt never got anything more than a regular ice cream cone anyways.</p><p>Once they got their orders in and got their ice cream, they sat at one of the tables outside.</p><p>“Okay, you two have your ice cream, now fess up,” Jaskier said, and tried to steel his expression into the most serious one he could manage. By the way Priscilla tried to hide her smile behind her hand and Geralt’s unimpressed expression, it probably didn’t look all that serious.</p><p>“Okay, fine. I’ll go first.” Priscilla said, and tapped her manicured nails against the table as she thought. “Hm...I’ll tell you at least that he’s your type.”</p><p>“So it’s a guy?” Jaskier asked, getting more eager by the minute. “How tall?”</p><p>“I didn’t promise you that much information.”</p><p>Jaskier whined and looked at Geralt with a pout. “Fine. Geralt, how tall is he?”</p><p>“How am I supposed to know?” Geralt asked with a deadpan look at Jaskier. “I never told you I knew him.”</p><p>Jaskier sputtered while Priscilla laughed, having to put her head on her arms on the table to try to contain her giggles.</p><p>“I <em>cannot </em>believe this. I am friends-- no, <em>was</em> friends with the <em>worst </em>people imaginable and I am no longer friends with you!” he accused with a finger shoved in their direction. He even gave Priscilla a nudge with his foot under the table for good measure. He huffed and pulled his phone out of his pocket to wave it threateningly. “You’re both terrible people and I am blocking both of your numbers in my phone right now, see if I don’t!”</p><p>“I have been asking you to block my number for years,” Geralt pointed out.</p><p>“And yet you still reply to me,” Jaskier fired back with a grin. “If you don’t want me to talk to you that badly, then block me first.”</p><p>Geralt rolled his eyes but said nothing, going back to licking up the ice cream that was close to melting over his hand.</p><p>“Don’t worry, either you’ll find out or your secret admirer will move on and get over their crush,” Priscilla assured him.</p><p>“This is not the type of crush that just ‘goes away’!” Jaskier defended. He pulled the sticky note out and waved it at her. “See? You don’t just write beautiful, soulful poetry for a crush that you can just <em>get over</em>!”</p><p>“Let me see,” Geralt said as he was already plucking the note out of Jaskier’s hand. He looked it over and his lips quirked up in a small smile as he huffed out a laugh.</p><p>“What’s so funny?” Jaskier demanded, trying to reach across the table to snatch it back. Geralt leaned back and held it out of his grasp as his eyes scanned over the words a few more times.</p><p>“Nothing.” Geralt handed the note back to him. “Can’t believe you’d call that soulful though.”</p><p>“It is soulful!”</p><p>“It’s written on a post-it.”</p><p>“The medium does not matter, as long as it is able to convey the meaning!”</p><p>Geralt hummed in response and pulled out his phone. He tapped away at it for a moment before shaking his head and putting it away again.</p><p>“Is there someone you’d like it to be?” Priscilla asked as she finished up the last of her sundae.</p><p>Jaskier thought about it a moment, tilting his head to consider. There really weren’t any patrons lately that had caught his eye after the first glance. “Not really.”</p><p>“Probably because he’s already too lovesick over someone else,” Geralt muttered with a roll of his eyes.</p><p>Jaskier puffed out his chest. “It’s true! The one I am in love with is far more beautiful than anyone who would walk into that bar!” He stopped and gave a sheepish grin at Geralt. “Ah, no offense intended towards your patrons, of course.”</p><p>Geralt shrugged.</p><p>“Wait, I haven’t heard about this,” Priscilla said as she leaned in closer. “Who is it? Do I know them?”</p><p>“Wh-- Now why would I tell you, when you won’t even tell me who my secret admirer is?” Jaskier asked, indignant. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten how terrible and cruel you are, how you have betrayed me countless times over now--”</p><p>“It’s Eskel,” Geralt interrupted.</p><p>Jaskier’s face flushed and he squawked. “Hey! How do you know that?”</p><p>Both Geralt and Priscilla looked at him flatly.</p><p>“I could have guessed that, with how you swoon over him all of the time,” Priscilla scoffed, though there was a glint in her eyes. “How long has that been going on?”</p><p>Jaskier took a bite of ice cream to avoid answering right away. “...I don’t know, really. It just happened. I…looked at him one day, and realized I..really wanted to kiss him. Among other things.”</p><p>“Gross,” Geralt cut in.</p><p>“Hey! I was trying to be tame for your sake!” Jaskier defended. “I purposefully left out the part where I have fantasized far too much--”</p><p>“We’re in public!” Priscilla interrupted, barely trying to contain her laughter.</p><p>Jaskier fell silent and frowned, looking down and tracing a fingernail along a groove in the table. “Is it that obvious?”</p><p>“Yes,” Priscilla and Geralt said at the same time.</p><p>Jaskier whined. “You could have at least tried to say it wasn’t to spare my feelings!”</p><p>“Why would we? We aren’t your friends anymore, according to you,” Geralt pointed out.</p><p>Only a sigh came from Jaskier and he rested his head on his arms. “So if it’s that obvious, why hasn’t Eskel said anything? Does he not feel the same way?”</p><p>“He probably just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings,” Geralt mused as he finished up his ice cream cone. “He got all of the nice genes.”</p><p>“Clearly.” Jaskier sighed again. “I don’t know what to do.”</p><p>“You’ll get over it eventually,” Geralt said, so sure of himself.</p><p>“It’s not something I’m going to get over.”</p><p>“That’s what you have said with every single crush you’ve had in the past.”</p><p>Jaskier pouted and traced his nail along the groove again. “I hope you’re right.”</p>
<hr/><p>The next day, Jaskier was determined. Maybe finding out who his secret admirer was would help him get over his crush, like Geralt said. So he got up early, went in right as the bar was opening at two, and sat himself down in a seat in the corner of the room where he could watch the bar the entire time. He brought his phone, his laptop, the chargers for both, and his guitar. He was fully prepared to spend the entire day there.</p><p>“What are you doing here?”</p><p>Jaskier looked up from his laptop with a bright smile as Geralt stared down at him unamused. “I’m staying to watch and see if my secret admirer leaves me anything. I’m going to get him this time, just you watch.”</p><p>Geralt rolled his eyes. “At least order something.”</p><p>“Fine,” Jaskier huffed and picked up the menu. He browsed over it, and Geralt kept hovering. He spared a glance up at him. “...I need a minute to order.”</p><p>Geralt stayed where he was. “I don’t have anything better to do anyways. I’ll wait.”</p><p>“That’s terrible customer service really,” Jaskier said with a sniff. “I am going to go on the internet and tell everyone how <em>rude </em>you are, I will leave a one star-- no, a <em>zero </em>star review, I demand to speak to your manager!”</p><p>Geralt stared down at him, the corners of his lips turning up for just a brief moment. “Alright, one second.” He turned and left, and Jaskier watched him go into the back, then return with a piece of paper that had “MISTER BOSS MAN” written in crayon taped on his shirt. “I’m the manager, how can I help you?”</p><p>“Your employee here was just so rude to me, he was sitting and <em>hovering </em>while I am trying to make my decision to order in peace!” Jaskier huffed and crossed his arms. “I am going to leave the <em>worst </em>review in every corner of the internet!”</p><p>“Oh no, not a bad review. I’ll be done for,” Geralt said in a completely flat tone. He flipped open his notebook. “What do you want?”</p><p>Jaskier beamed. “Well, I suppose I may only leave a slightly scathing review if it’s a free meal.”</p><p>“You’ll get half off.”</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>It was the same deal that Geralt always gave him, whether Jaskier put on a show or not, but it was fun to banter back and forth with Geralt. “You’re the best,” he cooed as he put the menu back at the head of the table.</p><p>“Save the sweet talk for your secret admirer,” Geralt replied before turning and walking away.</p><p>So now Jaskier was watching for his secret admirer while also munching on a far too big plate of nachos. It was fine though, he had all afternoon and evening to eat them.</p><p>“Need a box?” Geralt asked when he came over again, an hour and a half later, and saw that Jaskier was still eating.</p><p>“No. Has anyone left me a gift? A secret admirer, perhaps?” Jaskier asked with a grin.</p><p>Geralt gave him a flat look in return. “Why would anyone do that?”</p><p>Jaskier gasped and gave him a small push. Geralt didn’t budge an inch. “I am a <em>delight</em>, thank you very much!” he said. “Maybe <em>you’re </em>the secret admirer! That would explain why you were stalking me last night!”</p><p>“I wasn’t stalking you, I was getting ice cream,” Geralt reminded him. “Besides, you know I’m already trying again with Yennefer.”</p><p>“That’s never stopped you before,” Jaskier fired back, only to flinch back and hold his hands up in defense at the glower Geralt sent him. “Right, right, shutting up now.”</p><p>So Jaskier went back to nibbling on his nachos. Thirty minutes after that conversation, Geralt brought over a warm brownie with a scoop of ice cream and hot fudge drizzled over it.</p><p>“On the house. So you don’t leave a bad review,” he said as he set it down, and there was a small quirk to his lips. Jaskier beamed back.</p><p>“I suppose I won’t tell all of my friends to never come here again now,” he teased. “I might even come back again!”</p><p>“Please don’t.”</p><p>Jaskier laughed and instantly got to work on devouring the brownie. There was a second stomach for dessert, after all.</p><p>He watched the bar intently all through the afternoon, and Priscilla was surprised to see him there when she relieved Geralt from his shift, but shrugged and took a cold nacho.</p><p>“How long have you been here?” she asked.</p><p>“Since two.”</p><p>“No secret admirer?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Maybe they’ll show up tonight during your set. They are your secret admirer after all, they probably want to see you.”</p><p>That made sense. Jaskier nodded and turned back to his laptop. He still had a couple of hours before he had to play.</p><p>He didn’t know how much time had passed, but it was enough time that he managed to finish the frankly ridiculous amount of nachos that Geralt had given him, and the brownie. He looked up from his laptop to see Eskel and Priscilla chatting at the bar. Priscilla pointed to the corner that he was lurking in, and Eskel glanced over and gave a small wave. He came walking over and sat down across the table from Jaskier.</p><p>“How come you’re here so early before your set?” he asked with a warm smile. Jaskier cursed his heart for racing at just a smile being turned his way.</p><p>“Well,” he started, trying to feign nonchalance. Step one, he had to try to act like he wasn’t hopelessly in love with one of his best friends if he was going to get over it. “My secret admirer got the one up on me yesterday, but not today!” He puffed his chest. “I’ve been here since it opened, hidden in this corner and watching the bar. So if anyone brings something to the bar for me, I’ll know!”</p><p>“I see,” Eskel said, pursing his lips.</p><p>“What brings you here?”</p><p>Eskel waved him off. “Was in town for an errand. Decided to drop by for dinner.”</p><p>“Well let me treat you! Geralt said I could have half off,” Jaskier offered. Failed step one.</p><p>“Oh you don’t have to, I already put my order in with Priscilla,” Eskel assured him.</p><p>“Are you going to stick around to hear me play?” Jaskier ignored the way his heart skipped at the thought of Eskel staying for a few extra hours instead of going back to his farm just so he could hear Jaskier play.</p><p>“I’ve been running a bit behind today,” Eskel said. At least he was clearly mournful about it. “Wasn’t even expecting to run into you here. I thought it’d be a quick in and out.”</p><p>“It still will be! I just will provide you company while you eat,” Jaskier promised.</p><p>“I don’t mind being held up a few minutes for you,” Eskel assured him, reaching across the table to pat his hand. “We don’t get to talk enough.”</p><p>“And what a shame that is,” Jaskier replied back easily, even as his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. He caught Eskel’s hand in his own and gave it a small squeeze. “Maybe I’ll have to come over more often.”</p><p>“Only if you want.”</p><p>“Darling if I had my way, I would come over every day to spend the evenings with you,” Jaskier gushed. <em>Definitely </em>failed step one.</p><p>Eskel cleared his throat and looked away, his cheeks coloring. “I’ll, uh. Try to get work done early sometime to come watch you play.”</p><p>“That’d be fantastic.” Jaskier was forced to pull his hand away when Priscilla came over with Eskel’s food. She gave Jaskier a knowing smile but said nothing.</p><p>“Anything else I can get you two?” she asked.</p><p>“I’m all set. Jaskier? You need anything?” Eskel asked, and Jaskier shook his head.</p><p>“Enjoy,” Priscilla said with a grin and a nudge to Jaskier’s shoulder before she went back to the bar.</p><p>“What was that about?” Eskel asked.</p><p>“Nothing. She’s just awful,” Jaskier huffed as he stole a chip off of Eskel’s plate. “Also, you have been promoted to bestest best friend.”</p><p>“I’m flattered,” Eskel chuckled as he started to eat. “What made everyone else ahead of me lose that title?”</p><p>“Priscilla won’t tell me anything about my secret admirer, and Geralt acted like he knew but then said he didn’t after I bought him ice cream in exchange for information,” Jaskier whined. “He gave me a brownie with ice cream today, but <em>still.</em>”</p><p>“That sounds like him,” Eskel joked. “I’ll let you know if I see anything when I come and see you play.”</p><p>The two continued to chat while Eskel ate, but once he was finished he apologized and stood to leave.</p><p>“It was good talking to you, but I really have to get back,” he said, clasping Jaskier’s wrist as Jaskier did the same.</p><p>“Call or text any time,” Jaskier said, feeling completely besotted. Not only did he fail step one, he failed step two, three, four, five, and probably several more after that. He was pretty sure “fall deeper in love with your crush” wasn’t anywhere in the plan to get over his crush.</p><p>So he played more love songs that night, and if it wasn’t entirely because of his secret admirer business going on, that was only for him to know. He watched the bar still throughout his set, but still no suspicious activity.</p><p>He went up to the bar, still hopeful. “Anything from my secret admirer?”</p><p>“Nothing. You probably scared him off with your lurking,” Priscilla scoffed. “Why are you so determined to find out who they are?”</p><p>“Who wouldn’t want to know the identity of someone pining so deeply for them?”</p><p>“Maybe they don’t want to be found out. That’s the point of a secret.”</p><p>Jaskier pouted. “So does that mean you’re still not going to tell me who it is?”</p><p>“Nope.”</p><p>“Not even a little bit of a hint? My type in guys is a very broad range, as you’ve said. I’ll need more than just knowing he’s my type.”</p><p>“Still not telling.”</p><p>Jaskier whined the entire rest of the way home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as usual, i cannot hold off from posting right away when i finish a chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Four more days passed without any sign or gift from his secret admirer. Jaskier felt a slight ache, like he had been broken up with by someone he hadn’t even gotten to properly know yet. On the fourth day, he plopped down at the bar and gave a morose look at Priscilla, who shook her head wordlessly. She already knew the question before Jaskier asked. Jaskier sighed and handed his guitar over silently, and Priscilla set a shot down in front of him in exchange. He gave a nod in return. Though many thought the two of them together resulted in nonstop chatter and conversation, they knew each other well enough to have a completely silent conversation when needed.</p><p>Finally, after Jaskier had gotten over the disappointment a bit more and the shot stopped burning in the back of his throat, Priscilla returned.</p><p>“Maybe he was only in town for a couple days,” she suggested. “Didn’t want to get too attached, but wanted you to know that you caught his eye.”</p><p>“So it wasn’t a regular,” Jaskier mused, pursing his lips.</p><p>Priscilla shrugged. “I told you, I’m bad at faces. I wouldn’t know.”</p><p>The next day, Jaskier had almost completely gotten over it by the time he finished his set. He sat down at the bar as usual, and Priscilla set a glass of deep red wine in front of him. It was an expensive kind, but it was his favorite. He usually saved it for special occasions.</p><p>“What?” he asked, blinking at it a couple times before looking up at her. “Did something happen?”</p><p>His friend grinned back and reached across the bar to take the guitar from him while he gaped. “From your secret admirer.”</p><p>That made Jaskier instantly perk up again and he swirled the wine in his glass for a moment to contemplate it, a wide grin on his face. “So it’s someone with good taste in drinks,” he mused as he took a sip.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Priscilla said as she tapped her fingers against the bar. “I was told ‘whatever his favorite is, no matter the cost’. I told him your favorite was this wine, but it was expensive. He said it was okay.”</p><p>“That’s sweet,” Jaskier said with a small smile. “I wish I’d get to meet him. If nothing else than to see the face of the romantic knight that has been wooing me so thoroughly.”</p><p>“It’s been a flower, a poem on a sticky note, and a drink.”</p><p>“It’s the principle of the matter. The chase, the thrill of admiring from afar.” Jaskier huffed but sipped at his wine, savoring it. It had truly been a while since he had a glass of it, it was the perfect timing. He wondered why his secret admirer had disappeared for four days, but before he could dwell on it, a woman slid up and sat down next to him, a flirtatious smile on her face.</p><p>“How can you be sitting alone after singing so well?” she purred, shifting a bit closer. Well, Priscilla had said his secret admirer was a man, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still flirt.</p><p>“Well I was waiting for such excellent company like yours, of course,” Jaskier replied back easily, returning the smile. He could do this dance easily, he knew it well enough.</p><p>He sat and chatted with the woman, staying on light topics and scattering numerous compliments throughout the conversation like dandelion seeds in the wind. The woman was giving similar signals, and was moving closer and even put a hand on Jaskier’s leg. He liked a more forward woman, how could he resist?</p><p>He was just about to suggest finishing their drinks and taking the conversation somewhere a bit quieter and more private when the woman’s gaze fell on something over his shoulder and she instantly shuffled back, her fingers withdrawing immediately. Jaskier felt cold, and he shattered when she excused herself.</p><p>“It was nice talking to you,” he said weakly, giving her a small wave, but she didn’t even look at him as she nearly ran off. Jaskier frowned, but before he could curse his terrible luck, Eskel sat down in the seat the woman had previously been occupying, a sheepish look on his face.</p><p>“Sorry,” he muttered.</p><p>At least Jaskier felt better now. Being around Eskel never failed to cheer him up immediately. “Huh? For what?”</p><p>“Think I scared her off.” Eskel gestured at the scars running down the right side of his face.</p><p>Jaskier huffed at that, the disappointment at the woman leaving in such a rush being replaced with anger in no time. “Well,” he quipped with a huff, “nobody who dislikes my best friend is worth my time anyways.” He threw his arms around Eskel in a tight hug. “It’s good to see you finally! Where have you been? I missed you.”</p><p>Eskel’s mouth opened and closed a couple times, as if he wasn’t sure what to say. “Been busy,” he finally mumbled. He gestured to the glass Jaskier held. “What’s the occasion?”</p><p>“My secret admirer has returned once again, after disappearing for four whole days!” Jaskier proudly declared. “I was worried that they left me behind, with only a flower and a beautiful poem to remember them by, but they have come back once more for me and bought me a drink of whatever my favorite was!”</p><p>Priscilla came over at that point, an amused smile on her face. “I had warned it would be expensive. Didn’t care though.”</p><p>Eskel glanced briefly at her with a polite smile and a nod before looking back at Jaskier. “Well, I’m not surprised. You’re worth it.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Was, er..was that woman your secret admirer?”</p><p>“No, of course not,” Jaskier scoffed as he tipped back the last dregs of his glass. “Even if she was, like I said, anyone that does not like my best friend is not worth my time. But I’m sure this one is.”</p><p>“You haven’t even seen them yet, have you?” Eskel asked, tilting his head to the side. He gestured to Priscilla to get Jaskier another glass. Priscilla smiled and grabbed the bottle from under the bar to refill the glass.</p><p>“Oh, thank you,” Jaskier said with a dazzling smile. “To answer your question, no. I don’t know even the start of what he looks like yet. All Priscilla has told me is that it’s a guy, and he’s my type.”</p><p>“What’s your type, then?” Eskel asked, and Jaskier ignored the way his heart skipped at the question. Eskel was just curious. He wasn’t asking for personal reasons, of course not.</p><p>Though it was a good question. Jaskier took a slow sip as he thought it over. Or, rather, tried to think of a way to say “you” without actually saying that. “...Strong but soft,” he said simply. “I’m not picky on looks, but there’s a power in having--” He instantly closed his mouth to stop talking. That was too much info, Eskel didn’t want to know his preferences in bed. Especially when those preferences flew out the window when it came to Eskel.</p><p>Eskel seemed embarrassed as well, his cheeks tinged with a light flush as he pointedly looked at his hands on the bar. “That’s, uh-- good. Good for you,” he muttered. He coughed into his fist and glanced back at Jaskier. “How do you know he’s good looking though? He could be disgusting.”</p><p>“Nonsense!” Jaskier said, waving him off. “Beauty is attracted to beauty. And I’m so beautiful, the one trying so desperately for my love and attention must be beautiful as well.” However, that left a small bit of doubt gnawing at the back of his mind still. He turned to look at Priscilla, who was still standing and listening in. “You aren’t lying to me, right? My secret admirer is beautiful, right?”</p><p>Priscilla grinned. “More than you, I’d say.”</p><p>Jaskier gripped onto the edge of the bar with one hand so he could lean back, his arm draped across his forehead as if he was swooning. “Oh, my heart might not be able to take it,” he cooed. He arched back even further for dramatic effect, but he felt a heavy hand on his lower back in a moment, supporting him. Eskel gently helped him sit upright again, and his hand lingered just a moment longer on his back. Oh, now he was definitely swooning for real.</p><p>“Thank you darling,” he said a bit breathlessly, and he gathered his wits just enough to bat his eyes at Eskel.</p><p>"The stools are rickety, didn't want you cracking your head open," was all Eskel mumbled in explanation, a blush tinging his cheeks.</p><p>Jaskier couldn’t help it, the thought of not spending as much time as he could with Eskel was killing him. "Can I bother you for another visit? I truly do love seeing Lil' Bleater."</p><p>"I knew you only were friends with me to get my goat," Eskel joked. "She won't leave me though, I make her the best sweaters around."</p><p>"Of course I won't take her, if I took her I would have to start admitting I like coming over simply for your company"</p><p>"So if I were to say she's in the truck already and very excited to see you, you'd still want to come to my place?"</p><p>"Of course!"</p><p>Eskel grew sheepish suddenly, and he rubbed at his scarred cheek. "You don't have to come over. You can, uh..go try to find that woman again. Don't want to impose."</p><p>"I would never turn down an offer to come over," Jaskier assured him.</p><p>"What if she was your secret admirer after all?"</p><p>"Eskel." Jaskier squished Eskel's cheeks in his hands. "It doesn't matter. I want to spend time with <em>you </em>tonight."</p><p>"Okay," Eskel mumbled.</p><p>So Eskel paid for both his and Jaskier’s tab and they started the drive back to Eskel's house with Lil' Bleater on Jaskier's lap. Jaskier cooed over her sweater, this time a black one with white fabric letters spelling "baaa-d to the hooves" sewn on the back. He smiled at the pun, obviously one of Eskel's originals.</p><p>"Is it true? Are you baaa-d?" he asked with a poor attempt at a bleat. Lil’ Bleater gave a small "mrehhh" back at him.</p><p>"No, of course not," Eskel cooed back. "She's the best girl. Aren't you sweetie-- no, wait stay with Jaskier daddy's driving." Jaskier grabbed Lil' Bleater more firmly when she took the cooing as a call for her to try to climb into Eskel's lap. He laughed and held her close.</p><p>"Daddy will give you all of the cuddles later," he assured her. "But for now it's just me."</p><p>Lil' Bleater gave another small bleat but settled in his lap again.</p><hr/><p>When they finally made it back, Eskel sank down onto the couch with a heavy sigh of relief. Jaskier easily sat next to him.</p><p>"Hard day?"</p><p>"Just the usual."</p><p>Jaskier hummed knowingly, and brought his legs up to sit cross legged on the couch. "Want to put something on and be lumps for the rest of the night?"</p><p>"That'd be good."</p><p>They decided on some crime show to watch, and as it started, Eskel reached into the basket on the coffee table to pull out his knitting.</p><p>"Another sweater for the princess?" Jaskier asked as he looked at the cream and red tube hanging off of the needles. It looked like he was making another heart-patterned sweater.</p><p>"Of course," Eskel said, adjusting a bit before he got settled and started to get to work.</p><p>It didn't take Jaskier long before he got comfortable too, which just so happened to be tucked up against Eskel’s chest under his arm while Eskel continued to knit. He folded his legs under himself and slipped his arms around Eskel’s thick waist to hold him. He wasn’t paying attention to the show at all anymore, instead focused on the calm repetition of Eskel’s needles moving and softly clicking and the warmth of being cuddled up to him. Eskel really was like a big teddy bear, muscular but soft in all of the perfect places for cuddling. His hands worked fast, but so delicately for how thick and callused they were.</p><p>He couldn’t help it, he unwound the arm around Eskel’s front to reach out and gently take one of his hands. Eskel set the knitting down in his lap, letting Jaskier turn and inspect his hand as he pleased.</p><p>“Your hands are so much bigger,” he noted, pressing his thin hand up against Eskel’s. He knew his own hands weren’t small or delicate, he had long fingers perfect for being a musician and they had calluses as well, but next to Eskel’s hands, which had seen a lifetime of hard work, his own looked like they hadn’t seen a day in their life. At least Eskel was clearly using the lotion that Jaskier gave him, his hands weren’t nearly as dry and cracked.</p><p>His breath was knocked out of his chest when Eskel took Jaskier’s hand in his own and gave it a small squeeze. “All the better for holding,” he murmured back.</p><p>If Jaskier had even thought for a brief moment that he wasn’t hopelessly, uselessly in love with Eskel, that cleared up all suspicion. He couldn’t help but return the squeeze. “Your hands are much softer. Is the lotion helping?”</p><p>“It is,” Eskel agreed with a small nod. The show was completely forgotten at this point.</p><p>“Good. I’ll get some more for you next time I’m at the store,” Jaskier promised. He settled back down against Eskel and wrapped his arm around his stomach again, trying to snuggle even closer to him. Eskel chuckled at his wiggling and picked up his knitting again to return to it, his hands settling back into the same hypnotizing rhythm as before.</p><p>Jaskier watched Eskel’s hands work until he felt his eyelids drooping, and didn’t fight it. He snuggled closer and tucked his head on his friend’s shoulder. He faintly felt Eskel shift to get more comfortable against him, but was already too faded into sleep to notice the brush of lips against the crown of his head.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>can we get an F in the chat for Jaskier's braincell it's working so hard</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> "You have <em>got </em>to be kidding me."</p><p>Jaskier stared at the huge teddy bear that Priscilla hauled out and plopped on the ground in front of him. It came up to his chest. He stared down at it in bewilderment. "You can't be serious. This isn't for me, my secret admirer couldn't have brought this in today. I would have seen someone haul this in."</p><p>"Oh, it was brought around the back," Priscilla explained nonchalantly. "So that you didn't see."</p><p>"That's cheating. That's not fair at all," Jaskier whined, but he knelt down and wrapped his arms around the giant teddy bear anyways. It really was huge, he could lay on it. He was faintly reminded of Eskel with it, and the thought made him smile. It was white and sat up on its own easily, which Jaskier was thankful for. He'd end up sitting it in the corner, most likely. </p><p>"He thinks a step ahead of you," Priscilla said with a shrug.</p><p>"Do you help him?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"But you won't help him by telling me who it is?" </p><p>"That wouldn't be helping."</p><p>"He's so in love with me!" Jaskier whined. "He shouldn't be hiding it! To love someone is good, but to love them and have them love you in return is the best!" </p><p>"Would you even love him back?" Priscilla asked, her arms crossed. "Didn't think you had any more room, with Eskel taking up all of the space in there."</p><p>Jaskier flushed and cleared his throat. "Well maybe-- maybe this is what I need! Someone else to come and sweep me off of my feet, so that I stop feeling miserable over my unrequited love!"</p><p>"Mmhm." Priscilla smiled at him, as if she knew something he didn't. Well, that was true. She knew his secret admirer, and still wouldn't tell him. </p><p>"Ugh." Jaskier stood and hauled the teddy bear up. At least Priscilla had brought it out when the bar was closed up and they were about to go, so nobody else had to see him struggle to lift the teddy bear up and figure out a good way to carry it. He settled for giving it a piggyback ride of sorts, having it draped over his back while he held it from beneath. </p><p>"Cheer up. I'm sure you'll figure it out soon. You're smart." Priscilla tugged on his cheek to tease him before she grabbed Jaskier's guitar and led the way out. At least she knew that Jaskier couldn't carry both his guitar and the teddy bear that was obnoxiously large. It was the kind of gift that teenagers got each other because they were <em>so in love </em>and wanted to convince everyone, even themselves, and to do so got the biggest, cheesiest gift they could. That wasn't to say that Jaskier didn't like the teddy bear, though. It didn't even smell like it had just been bought from the store. Like maybe his secret admirer had been holding onto it, waiting for the right time to bring it in to surprise Jaskier with it. The inner romantic in him swooned at that. </p><p>Even though it was the sweetest gesture, Jaskier really hoped that future gifts weren't so large and bold, for the sake of his legs on the trip home. But the other gifts had been simple and sweet to begin with. Maybe this was the last gift before he'd reveal himself to Jaskier. That thought made Jaskier a bit giddy and he bounced a bit with the teddy bear on his back. </p><p>"What are you so excited about?" Priscilla asked. </p><p>"Maybe this is the last gift before my secret admirer steps forward and confesses his undying love for me."</p><p>"I wouldn't count on it." </p><p>That made Jaskier droop. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"He seemed the shy type. He probably won't be telling you any time soon."</p><p>"But then why get me this?" Jaskier jostled the teddy bear a bit as emphasis.</p><p>"Maybe he just really wanted to get you something big. Since the other gifts have been lackluster."</p><p>"Lackluster?! Have you been telling my secret admirer that his gifts are <em>lackluster</em>?!" </p><p>"Not at all." Priscilla looked at the teddy bear. "I thought you'd like that, considering the million pillows you have."</p><p>"I do not have a <em>million</em>," Jaskier huffed. "I have a million and one. And now a very large teddy bear, which I can cuddle even more with." </p><p>And he proved that the moment they got back to the apartment. Jaskier set the teddy bear on his bed and flopped on top of it. He got a strong whiff of it from the fall, and he paused. Something about it smelled familiar. He buried his nose deeper in it, though it didn't help. The teddy bear still had its traces of when it was in the store, but there was something else on top of it. </p><p>"Hey Priscilla," he called out.</p><p>"Yeah?" Priscilla appeared at the door, and snickered. "Did you call me in here to tell me not to bother you while you hump your new gift?"</p><p>"I--!" Jaskier immediately sat up and pouted at her. "I would <em>never </em>sully such a heartfelt and loving gift like that, I have much easier and less exhausting ways to get off I will have you know!" He huffed, unable to properly convey his indignance with words, so he hoped that simply glaring at her with crossed arms would do.</p><p>Priscilla snickered. "Relax, I'm kidding. What did you need?"</p><p>"The teddy bear smells like something, but I can't tell what it is." Jaskier gestured to the giant teddy bear that was almost taking up the entire rest of his bed that wasn't occupied by pillows or blankets. </p><p>"What do you want me to do about it?"</p><p>"Can you tell?"</p><p>"You want me to sniff that?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>Priscilla wrinkled her nose but walked into Jaskier's room to lean in and bury her nose in the teddy bear's fur. She drew back with a grimace. "Ugh, it smells like animal."</p><p>"Like animal? What does that mean?" </p><p>"You know when someone has a dog or a cat, and you can just <em>tell </em>they have one without even seeing it in the house because of the way the house smells?"</p><p>"That makes sense, I guess. So my secret admirer is an animal person." He sniffed the teddy bear again. "I...think that's a dog?"</p><p>"Probably a goat, more like," Priscilla muttered. The two of them realized what she just said, and Jaskier bolted upright to stare at her with wide eyes. </p><p>"My secret admirer has a <em>goat</em>?" he asked. Now that Priscilla mentioned it, he realized how right she was. He had smelled it plenty, both on Eskel and from Lil' Bleater prancing around. Even if the goat was well taken care of and bathed often, it still smelled. He knew that from how often Eskel washed Lil' Bleater. </p><p>"Maybe." Priscilla shrugged. "I don't know, it could just be a gross dog."</p><p>"No, no. It definitely is goat, and bits of hay I think. Probably from the goat. I don't know how I didn't pick that up before." Jaskier laid back down next to the teddy bear with a wide grin as he hugged it. "Oh this is so exciting! I wonder what other kinds of animals my secret admirer has."</p><p>Priscilla looked at him for a few seconds, then cleared her throat and smiled. "I don't know. You'll have to ask him if you ever meet him."</p><p>"You need to tell me who it is first," Jaskier whined back. "How am I supposed to just go off of the knowledge that it's a guy and he has a goat? That could be anyone! Do I have to go up to every guy that shows up now and ask if he has a goat?"</p><p>Priscilla grinned as she headed for the door. "Figure it out yourself. You're smart." </p><p>She closed the door behind herself and Jaskier groaned and flopped half on top of the teddy bear. He had been too used to the smell of farm and animals from hanging out at Eskel's house to be able to pick it out originally, but now it stood out to him. He laughed and buried his face in it briefly. It wasn't all that pleasant of a smell, but it still brought comfort to Jaskier. Eskel's home always smelled like farm animal, especially Lil' Bleater, so it was a comforting smell to him. </p><p>He wondered if Eskel would have an idea of who it is. Surely he knew other farmers around that had goats. They probably had some kind of...goat club, or something. He could ask Eskel if anyone in his goat club seemed to be interested in him. </p><p>So, when he slept for a bit and woke up at a slightly more reasonable hour to call his friend and ask his goat club, Jaskier did just that.</p><p>"Hello?" Eskel's voice crackled from the phone. </p><p>"Hey Eskel!" Jaskier chirped. He got up to go to the kitchen while he talked with Eskel, a spring in his step. "I have a question for you."</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>"You know other farmers that have goats, right?"</p><p>"I...guess? Why?"</p><p>"Do you know of any goat-having farmers that have a crush on me?"</p><p>"I-- what? That's-- goat?" Eskel sputtered from the other end. "Why goats specifically?"</p><p>Jaskier rummaged through the cabinets and refrigerator to see what he could scrounge up for breakfast. "Well, I got this huge teddy bear, soft and great for snuggling but not nearly as great as you, but I got this teddy bear and Priscilla said it smells like animal. I thought it was a dog, but she said it smelled like goat."</p><p>"She did?" Eskel's voice sounded strained. Was he in the middle of hard work? Jaskier glanced at the clock on the stove. It was just a little past noon, heading for the hottest part of the day. </p><p>"Sorry I'm not interrupting you from work am I?" Jaskier asked, suddenly feeling worried. He shouldn't have thought to pester his friend so early in the morning, but the thought of Eskel being able to tell him who might be his secret admirer got him too excited to wait until the evening. </p><p>"No, no. So, uh, goats?"</p><p>"Yeah. The teddy bear smells like Lil' Bleater does. Even when she's been washed, you know? Like a goat."</p><p>"Uh. Well, I don't think I can help you with figuring that out."</p><p>"Nobody's said anything about me in your goat club? You haven't seen anyone carrying a giant stuffed bear?"</p><p>"Can't say I have, Jask. Sorry."</p><p>Jaskier deflated. "Okay. Thank you anyways, sorry for interrupting work."</p><p>"I've told you that you can call me any time, for any reason. It's a good break to talk with you," Eskel said, and Jaskier felt his heart in his throat. </p><p>"It's-- It's good to talk to you too. You're a good friend." <em>Friend</em>, he repeated in his mind. <em>Friend, not lover. Just friends.</em></p><p>"I try." Eskel laughed, and Jaskier could have dropped dead there and died a happy man. "Sorry I can't help about the uh, goat smelling teddy bear. Maybe if you try spraying it with...I don't know, don't they sell sprays for getting smells out of couches? Since you can't wash a couch." </p><p>Jaskier thought it over and pursed his lips. "Probably? I'm not worried about it, it's not a bad smell. Reminds me of your place." He cleared his throat. "I'll, uh. Let you get back to work now. See you." </p><p>"See you later, Jask. Are you performing tonight?"</p><p>"Maybe. I don't know yet."</p><p>"I'll come by if you are. Let me know."</p><p>"I will. Bye. Oh! Remember to drink plenty of water. I will not have you coming to my performance looking like your skin was vacuum sealed over your muscles just because you worked too hard and didn't take care of yourself." Jaskier wagged a finger in the air, as if Eskel could see it. </p><p>Judging by the laugh Eskel gave, he could still tell. "I've been drinking water, I promise. Been taking breaks inside too."</p><p>"Good. Then I'll see you later."</p><p>"Alright. Bye Jask."</p><p>Jaskier hung up the phone, still reeling. He was far too deep in this crush, it was ridiculous. He needed to go back to sleep. But first, breakfast. He went back to rummaging through the kitchen, trying to forget the way Eskel laughed and his voice softened when Jaskier lectured him. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry not sorry for the long chapter, note the rating change due to talk about dildos/strap ons</p><p>ALSO in this jaskier is transmasc nb because he has decided that gender is a fuck and he does what he wants. inspired by jen whose writing is so great that it made me immediately hop on the nb jaskier train</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After a few more nights of singing at the bar, Jaskier was exhausted and his voice was more than a bit scratchy, so he texted Geralt to tell him that he would be taking the next few days off to rest his voice. Geralt simply responded with a thumbs up emoji. Jaskier silently cursed himself for teaching Geralt how to use emojis, he now got even less response from him than before. But he couldn’t worry about that.</p><p>He had gotten enough in tips and payment from Geralt that he could afford to take a few days off to rest his voice. His heart needed just as much rest, after the tugging around it had been experiencing with the war between loving Eskel and loving his secret admirer. He was tired, and felt like curling up under a pile of blankets and sleeping for forty hours, which really should have been his first clue that he wasn’t well.</p><p>He only let himself lay in bed until four before he made himself get up to get food. He didn’t feel hungry, but he knew he hadn’t eaten all day and needed something. He hoped that getting some food in would perk him back up a bit. </p><p>A bowl of cereal later, he still felt tired. He rested his head on his arms at the table, staring at the wall blankly. He felt off, like his body was in the chair and he was somewhere off to the left. His head was filled with cotton.</p><p>So it was going to be one of those days, then. </p><p>He hadn’t had a bad day in a while, so he supposed it made sense. He sighed and closed his eyes as he remembered Priscilla’s gentle but firm lecturing on how to take care of himself when he really didn’t feel like it. </p><p>Call someone. Socialize a bit, get out and get some fresh air.</p><p>Well, the fresh air part wasn’t going to work. There was a storm due to roll in tonight, and it was muggy and hot outside. He couldn’t call Priscilla, she was at her girlfriend’s house before work. Geralt was already working, and he wasn’t exactly Jaskier’s ideal cheering up person. Eskel though…Eskel would be busy until the storm started, but maybe Jaskier could call him and claim his time for the evening once he was done with work, and sleep in the meantime.</p><p>It still took him a full fifteen minutes before he dragged himself up out of his chair to retrieve his phone, and another minute of staring at Eskel’s contact to convince himself that it was a good idea. It was selfish, to demand his friend’s time so much. Maybe he shouldn’t call him.</p><p>Or he could call him, ask how work was going, and then hang up. That would be enough socializing to avoid Priscilla’s disappointment that Jaskier could already envision. Jaskier nodded to himself. He could do that. He practiced the conversation in his head. Hello, how’s work going, how’s Lil’ Bleater, did you finish the sweater you were working on for her?</p><p>Jaskier pressed the call button before he could convince himself otherwise, and held the phone up to his ear. He held his breath as it rang, feeling like his chest was suddenly too tight. This was a horrible idea, Eskel surely wouldn’t even be available to answer—</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>—and he answered. Jaskier released the breath he was holding. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth. “Hey.”</p><p>“Hey Jaskier, what’s up?”</p><p>“Good.” That wasn’t the right answer. “Nothing. Uh, how’s work?”</p><p>“Work is good! I’ve been trying to get as much done as I can before I have to bed everyone down for the storm.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s good.” Jaskier rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, how’s Lil’ Bleater? She’s okay with storms right?”</p><p>“Yeah, she’s a tough gal.” There was the noise of some shuffling and a pleased, familiar bleat along with a warm laugh from Eskel. “She wanted to say hi.” </p><p>“Hello princess,” Jaskier replied back easily, feeling the tightness in his chest loosen a bit. “Did you finish that sweater for her?”</p><p>“Which one?”</p><p>“The hearts one. You were working on it the other day.”</p><p>“Ah, no. Not yet. It’s almost done, but I had accidentally messed up a few stitches that made room for the sleeves so I had to go back and fix those.”</p><p>“Is it difficult? To go back in knitting.”</p><p>“Not too much, just takes time.” There was a pause. “…Why did you call? I’m sure it wasn’t to hear me ramble about knitting.”</p><p>“It, ah, it was actually. I just wanted to talk to you.”</p><p>“About knitting?”</p><p>“About anything.” Jaskier shrugged, even though he knew Eskel couldn’t see it. </p><p>“Everything okay? Is it that time of the month already?”</p><p>Damn this man, he knew Jaskier too well. “No. Just..a bit hazy. I’m alright.” </p><p>“I’ll be right over.” </p><p>“Wait—” Jaskier felt his throat close up. “You— you don’t have to. You have to take care of your animals, and—” </p><p>“They’re all fine for the day, anything I haven’t done can wait until tomorrow. I’ll make sure everything is ready for the storm and be right over.”</p><p>“…Okay.” Jaskier let himself be selfish, just this once. He knew there wouldn’t be any convincing Eskel otherwise anyways. “…Can you pick up something on the way?”</p><p>“Anything.”</p><p>“Just something sweet. Chocolate, or gummies, whatever is cheapest.”</p><p>There was a warm laugh from the phone. “Already was planning on picking you up something sugary. Anything else?”</p><p>Jaskier felt a prickling behind his eyes and a lump in his throat. “No,” he croaked out. </p><p>“Then I’ll see you in a bit. Is the door unlocked for me?”</p><p>“Mhm.”</p><p>“Great. I’ll be there in an hour at most.”</p><p>“Okay.” Jaskier chewed on his lip briefly. “Thank you,” he added quietly.</p><p>“Of course. I’ll be as fast as I can.” </p><p>“No rush.”</p><p>They finally said their goodbyes and Jaskier hung up. He let out a long breath. Eskel already was planning on bringing him sweets. He knew Jaskier would want them. Fuck. Jaskier pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes to try to keep himself from crying. It was just a small thing, anyone would want sweets when they were upset, right? Except Eskel was already going to be bringing him some whether Jaskier asked for them or not. </p><p>Jaskier wondered briefly about his secret admirer. Would he be as thoughtful as Eskel was? No, that was impossible. Nobody could be as sweet and patient as Eskel was, the man was practically a saint. That made Jaskier smile as he stood from the couch. He looked at his and Priscilla’s apartment. It wasn’t bad, he helped out by keeping it clean while Priscilla worked, but it wasn’t great. </p><p>He tried to clean up, but his limbs felt heavy and he only managed to fill the dishwasher and start it before he found himself flopping down on the couch to take a small rest. Just a tiny one, five minutes. Eskel said he'd be there in an hour, so he could afford five minutes of resting to make sure he paced himself for when Eskel came over. He'd need to be able to be energetic enough to keep Eskel entertained after all, Eskel was his guest and he couldn't be seen as an impolite host by being boring. </p><p>Nevermind that Eskel had seen him at his worst before, at his times of laying in bed for two weeks straight, only getting up for food and to take a piss. Nevermind that Eskel had seen him when he was pissed off and snappy. Or when he was sobbing, snot and tears everywhere, over that time Eskel had taught Lil' Bleater how to play dead. It wasn't his fault, though. She was so dramatic in her fainting, swaying and wobbling before flopping down and rolling onto her back, four hooves splayed in the air. Jaskier teared up a little again at remembering it, and from remembering how proud Eskel was over teaching her such a trick.</p><p>Eskel truly was the best friend he could have ever asked for. Jaskier curled up a bit and got a smile on his face that he was sure looked dopey to anyone if they were watching. But the only one that was watching was Pancake, Priscilla's fat gray and white cat that Jaskier still wasn't sure whether or not liked him. She seemed to sense his...distress wouldn't be the right word, because he wasn't distressed, he was just...not great. Not bad either, though. He just was. Whatever it was, Pancake seemed to notice, because she came up and headbutted the hand that was hanging limply over the edge of the couch. Jaskier chuckled and scritched behind her ears and ran his hand along her back. </p><p>"What a sweetheart you are," he cooed. "Your favorite person is going to be here soon. Well, I should say our favorite person, hm?" he mumbled. It wasn't that hard to admit to himself and Pancake that Eskel was his favorite person. As Priscilla had so kindly put it, his crush on Eskel was obvious from a mile away. Yet despite his embarrassingly obvious infatuation, Eskel still stuck around him and helped him out, promised to bring sweets when he asked and dropped everything at the drop of a hat just because Jaskier was feeling a little off. </p><p>He let his hand drop from Pancake's back and closed his eyes. Just for a few minutes, really. Not even that long, just a few minutes. He had time. </p><p>Except then next thing he knew, the door was opening and Pancake was making small chirping noises. Eskel was here much earlier than he had said. Or, at least, Jaskier hoped it was Eskel. Since Priscilla was already at work, it was either Eskel or someone here to steal all of their stuff and end his misery. </p><p>"Hey Pannie," a deep voice rumbled. Definitely Eskel, Jaskier noted while still just barely on the frays of consciousness. He would be able to pick out that voice anywhere. A small smile tugged at his lips and he forced himself to stretch out and sit up. </p><p>"Hey," Eskel murmured, sitting down next to him on the couch. </p><p>"Hey," Jaskier mumbled in reply. He rubbed his eyes just in time for little hoofbeats to tap against the floor and suddenly he had a lap full of goat. Lil' Bleater didn't have a cute sweater on this time, she had her official "uniform", a jacket that identified her as a service animal. That made Jaskier smile.</p><p>"Did you take her to the nursing home?" he asked as he rubbed the top of Lil' Bleaters head. </p><p>Eskel shook his head and set a bag down on the coffee table. "No."</p><p>"Taking her there after? I don't know if they'll be open much later."</p><p>"She's already working right now." </p><p>Jaskier's heart melted at that. He knew Eskel trained Lil' Bleater as an emotional support animal, but the fact that he brought her out specifically for him was sweet. He hugged her closer and scratched under her chin. </p><p>"Here, let's make you easier to hug," Eskel said, gently taking her out of Jaskier's lap so he could take off the little jacket. He set it aside and dug around in the cloth tote bag, until he pulled out a bright yellow sweater. Jaskier recognized it, Eskel had made it out of the softest yarn he had ever felt. It was a "special occasion" sweater, as Eskel had put it. </p><p>"Pulling out all of the tricks today?" he asked, trying to sound teasing, but his tone fell flat. </p><p>"Of course. Here." Eskel handed him a bar of dark chocolate filled with raspberry from the same bag, Jaskier's favorite. </p><p>"You're a life saver." Jaskier took the bar and didn't hesitate in opening it up. He broke off two pieces and bit into one as he held the other out to Eskel. Eskel paused in his sweater and goat wrangling to take it and pop it into his mouth.</p><p>"Thanks. You like it?" Eskel asked as he tugged one of Lil' Bleater's hooves through a sleeve. </p><p>"Of course I do," Jaskier said with a small laugh. It was his favorite and Eskel bought it for him, how could he not love it?</p><p>"Good. I was worried I didn't remember correctly. I got a few of them."</p><p>"I thought I told you to only get what was on sale."</p><p>"They were. It was a deal, one for the price of one." Eskel winked at him and Jaskier felt like laughing and crying at the same time. It was a horrible joke, but the fact that Eskel bought him what was his favorite over what was on sale...His heart twisted like how Lil' Bleater twisted her neck to try to nibble at Eskel's jaw while he tugged her other hoof through the sleeve. He couldn't help scooting closer so that their shoulders brushed. </p><p>He checked his phone nonchalantly in an attempt to keep from focusing on the touch, and he spluttered when he saw the time. </p><p>"Is it that late already?" he asked. "I had barely laid down for a few minutes."</p><p>Eskel laughed warmly. "Always goes like that for me too. I think I'll take a short nap, and when I wake up it's dark out."</p><p>Jaskier grimaced and glanced around the apartment, to where he could see. It was a mess, and he was acutely aware of everything out of place, everything that should have been wiped down. "I was going to clean up more before you got here. Sorry."</p><p>"Don't worry about it. Your place looks great, it's always so clean."</p><p>"It's a mess."</p><p>Eskel made a show of looking around from where he was seated, twisting this way and that while he examined the apartment. "Are we in the same apartment? It looks fine to me."</p><p>Jaskier huffed. Of course Eskel wouldn't say anything, he was too kind for his own good at even the worst of times. It was best to just drop it, he wasn't going to win this argument and it wasn’t worth the bother of trying to point out everything that was wrong with the place, everything that needed cleaning. It would be best to just not draw attention to it. </p><p>"You’re too kind," he sighed. </p><p>"Not at all," Eskel assured him easily as he waved him off. "I just try to take care of my friends. I know you'd do the same for me."</p><p>"I would. But I never have to." Jaskier thought it over. "Don't you ever have bad days?"</p><p>Eskel gave a small nod. "Sometimes. But that's not important. What's important is that you're having a bad day, and need my help."</p><p>"How come you never tell me?" Jaskier tried not to feel hurt by it. Just because Eskel was his best friend, the one that cheered him up whenever he was feeling off and needed a bit of help, it didn't mean that Eskel had to feel the same about Jaskier. He could be just another friend to Eskel, that was okay. </p><p>"Because when I see you, I forget about what I was upset about," Eskel replied plainly, as if he were describing the weather. </p><p>Jaskier choked on a bite of chocolate, and pounded his chest a couple times as he coughed. He cleared his throat and Eskel paused and watched him with a furrow in his brow. </p><p>"You--" Jaskier started, and cleared his throat again. "You enjoy my company that much?"</p><p>"Of course," Eskel said with a smile that had no business being that soft. "Why wouldn't I? You're a delight."</p><p>"When I'm not laying around doing nothing," Jaskier added in a mutter. </p><p>"You aren't laying around doing nothing right now," Eskel pointed out. "We're catching up. Enjoying each other’s company. That's far from nothing."</p><p>"Nothing productive," Jaskier scoffed as he broke off another piece of chocolate. </p><p>"Why isn't it productive? If it makes you happy, that makes it worth doing."</p><p>"Me being happy isn't going to pay the rent."</p><p>"And that's why Geralt pays you to sing."</p><p>Jaskier couldn't argue with that point. Geralt paid him and Priscilla well, enough to pay their bills every month and then some. As long as they actually worked, of course. Jaskier wrinkled his nose at that. He shouldn't have skipped tonight, but his throat was sore and he was tired. He looked down at Lil’ Bleater and rubbed the top of her head, smiling at the way she pushed up into it and her tail waggled. </p><p>Jaskier focused his attention on her to keep from focusing too hard on Eskel. If he focused too much on his friend, he would end up doing something stupid probably. He had a secret admirer that was in love with him, head over heels if the gifts were to be believed. He didn't need to focus on a man that was his friend, his most trusted friend that would drop everything and pick up chocolate and use Lil' Bleaters softest sweater so that Jaskier could be happy. </p><p>"Mind if I...?" Eskel shifted to hover his arm over the back of the couch, waiting to curl it around Jaskier's shoulders. Jaskier responded by curling up against Eskel's side, in the way that they were so used to. Eskel pulled him just a bit closer and his arm rested around Jaskier’s shoulders. Jaskier rested his head on Eskel's shoulder as he continued to pet Lil' Bleater. She settled down easily in his lap, and Jaskier stopped petting her to go back to eating his chocolate. </p><p>"Anything you want to do? Need to go anywhere?" Eskel asked after a few minutes, his thumb idly stroking over Jaskier's shoulder. </p><p>"No," Jaskier mumbled, trying to slow in eating his chocolate. He should savor it, it wasn't the cheap kind of chocolate. </p><p>"Heard anything from your secret admirer?" </p><p>"No." Jaskier bit his lip. "I'm...not as excited about the idea, as I have been."</p><p>"Is it because the gifts haven't been much?"</p><p>"No, no. The gifts are sweet, just right for someone who doesn't know me," Jaskier admitted. He bit his lip. "That's the problem though. They don't-- know me. What if they're expecting someone different? Putting all of this effort, and then decide they don't want me?"</p><p>"You're wonderful, anyone would be lucky to have you," Eskel assured him with a squeeze to his shoulder. It made Jaskier's heart jump just a little. "I'm sure they love you though."</p><p>Jaskier's heart stopped at the sound of Eskel saying love you. It was just a throwaway comment, nothing special, just a hypothetical. It wasn't even meant in that way. But it still made Jaskier wonder what it was like to have him actually say it to him, to mean that he loved Jaskier. He had to bite his lip to keep from saying I love you too. Because Eskel was just trying to be nice, to reassure him that his secret admirer was someone that was interested in him, at the very least. </p><p>He cleared his throat to keep from saying something stupid. “I don’t know. What if they’re expecting a dick?” He gestured emphatically to his crotch. </p><p>“Then it’s their lucky day that they’ve managed to seduce someone with a whole drawer of them,” Eskel replied without missing a beat. “One for every mood. Interchangeable too.”</p><p>Jaskier snorted and swatted Eskel’s chest with the back of his hand, though he couldn’t hide the grin on his face. “You’re ridiculous.”</p><p>“Says the one with a deluge of dicks.”</p><p>“Oh my god.”</p><p>“A whole plethora of pricks.”</p><p>Jaskier desperately tried to contain his giggles. “Stop.”</p><p>“A cornucopia of cocks.”</p><p>“Eskel.”</p><p>“A fuckton of fuckrods.”</p><p>“I have four,” Jaskier interrupted, tears pricking at his eyes from trying to hold back his laughter. </p><p>“That’s three more than I got.” Eskel grinned and nudged him with his elbow. “Even one that sparkles. Who would say no to you when you’ve got a glittery dick up your sleeve?”</p><p>“Actually I think it’s in my closet,” Jaskier mused, and the two shared a look before bursting out into laughter. “Why— why are we laughing, that wasn’t even a joke!” he stammered in between fits of giggles. </p><p>“E-Exactly!” Eskel burst into another round of laughter, leaning against Jaskier. The movement startled Lil’ Bleater, who was jostled by all of the laughing, and she hopped off of Jaskier’s lap. </p><p>“Ah, anyways,” Eskel said once he composed himself. He chuckled a bit more and clapped Jaskier’s shoulder. “Really, if they spend all this time trying to woo you and they decide that you aren’t what they want, it’s their loss. You’re a goddamn treasure.”</p><p>"Yeah, I guess." Jaskier let a wry smile tug at his lips. Because that's what was always said. Their loss. But he was tired of not having a steady port in a storm, of not having someone that he could make out with and cuddle whenever he wanted and who knew him inside and out. Eskel was a very good steady, reliable person, but he couldn't let his inner romantic out and go on dinner dates or come home with flowers for him. This was okay, though. What they had now was fine. </p><p>"Want to watch something?" Eskel spoke up, breaking Jaskier out of his thoughts. </p><p>Jaskier gave a small hum of agreement and turned on the tv. "Mind if we watch something lighter? I'm not in the mood for crime and killing." </p><p>"Of course.  You can pick," Eskel said with another squeeze to his shoulder. It was oddly comforting, and Jaskier let himself settle as he finished up his chocolate bar and started a Disney movie. Light enough that he could zone out but still be able to keep track. If he didn't keep track, well, it wasn't a problem. He had seen it a hundred times already anyways, he could probably recite it word for word if he wanted to. And it was so easy to zone out and relax next to Eskel as he idly petted Lil' Bleater and scratched behind her ears. </p><p>He was aware of the rain starting up outside, but he didn't pay much heed to it. It wasn't until there was a quiet moment in the movie that he realized just how hard it was pouring out. He looked out the window, which was getting pelted by the rain. </p><p>"Coming down hard," he noted as he scratched under Lil' Bleater's chin.</p><p>Eskel shifted to look outside as well. "Did you need to go out?" </p><p>"No. I like the rain. It's calming."</p><p>"Agreed. Perfect for a lazy night in." Eskel rubbed his thumb over Jaskier's shoulder, and Jaskier leaned more into his side. "Do you have popcorn?"</p><p>"I think so."</p><p>"Want me to make a bowl?"</p><p>Jaskier shrugged. He wasn't particularly hungry, but it was always nice to have something to snack on during a movie. "Won't Lil' Bleater eat most of it?" </p><p>"She'll be fine with a few handfuls," Eskel assured him. "She just doesn't like being left out of mealtime."</p><p>Jaskier chuckled and rubbed Lil' Bleater's head, though she barely stirred from where she was dozing off in his lap. "Yeah, popcorn sounds good then."</p><p>Eskel slowly drew his arm from Jaskier's shoulders, as if he didn't want to pull away from Jaskier as much as Jaskier didn't want him to pull away. But he had to get up to make the popcorn in the first place. It didn't mean Jaskier had to like it though, and he still silently pouted about how cold he was now.  </p><p>He was only gone for a few minutes, as Jaskier heard the sound of popping in the kitchen. Lil' Bleater raised her head curiously at the noise, but didn't move. Pancake, however, scrambled off of the couch to see if she could beg for a piece of whatever was being made. Jaskier couldn't help but laugh at that. He knew Pancake turned her nose up at most people food, unless it was some sort of bread, chip, or meat, but she still tried to beg for anything and everything that was being made. Maybe that was why she was so fat. </p><p>Eskel returned with the bowl of popcorn, Pancake on his heels with her tail straight up and crooked at the tip like a flag. "Here, I don't think it's burned," he said as he sat back down next to Jaskier. Lil' Bleater lifted her head at the smell of food, and Eskel laughed. "Oh, right. Have to pay tribute first." He took a handful of popcorn to feed to her, and she greedily lapped it all up. Jaskier laughed and took a handful to hold to her as well, though she didn't eat it as fast as the first handful. After she ate the popcorn from Jaskier's hand and most of the second handful that Eskel offered her, she didn't seem interested anymore and went back to snuggling Jaskier. </p><p>That left Jaskier and Eskel free to share the popcorn amongst themselves as the movie went on, though it was clear neither of them were really paying attention. Jaskier had his phone out, and Eskel was more focused on the two pets that kept them company. </p><p>"Looks like the heavy rain is just the start," Jaskier noted after a few minutes. "It's supposed to storm really bad tonight."</p><p>"Yeah I saw." Eskel wrapped his arm back around Jaskier's shoulders and Jaskier easily leaned into his side again. "I've got everything held down and buttoned up at the farm. Though I might need to use this couch if it's still bad by the time I have to go home."</p><p>"We've been over this, you don't have to use the couch," Jaskier insisted. "I have a bed you can use. It's soft. Has about forty blankets and pillows."</p><p>"I know, I've seen your bed," Eskel teased. "But I think you need it more than I do. You're the one under the weather after all."</p><p>"I'm not," Jaskier huffed, and he paused as he realized that was true. He wasn't. He blinked a couple times and a smile crept its way onto his face. "I'm...actually feeling much better, now that you're here."</p><p>"It was probably the chocolate and Lil' Bleater that made you feel better," Eskel pointed out. "Protein is important, and nobody can stay sad for very long with her around." To prove his point, he scratched the top of her head, and she looked up and waggled her tail a bit. "See? She's a ball of sunshine."</p><p>"That she is," Jaskier agreed with a nod. He smiled at Eskel. "But you are too."</p><p>"Not as much as you are."</p><p>"Oh shut up." Jaskier gave him a small nudge, and Eskel laughed and held him tighter around the shoulders. </p><p>A low rumble of thunder interrupted them, and both of them looked outside. "Guess it's starting," Jaskier mused, and Eskel hummed in agreement.</p><p>Jaskier hefted Lil' Bleater up in his arms. "Alright princess, time for you to go to daddy for a bit. Jaskier is tired and wants to lay down." </p><p>"Do you want me off the couch?" Eskel asked as he took Lil' Bleater and held her in his lap instead. </p><p>Jaskier shook his head and waved him off. "Of course not. Just can't sit like this any longer." </p><p>"Here." Eskel set Lil' Bleater down on the floor instead, letting her wander where she wanted. He dusted off his lap and then patted his thighs. "So you can stretch out." </p><p>"You really do spoil me too much," Jaskier cooed as he pulled his legs up onto the couch too and rested them over Eskel's lap. </p><p>"Only what you deserve," Eskel replied back easily, rubbing over Jaskier's calves and just a hair over his knees. Jaskier wished they went even higher, slipped between his legs-- </p><p>He shook himself out of that thought and focused on just enjoying the gentle massage that was bringing feeling back into his legs. Another flash of lightning lit up the room, the rumble of thunder louder and sooner. </p><p>"Seems the storm is moving fast," Eskel said, his hands moving to press his thumbs into Jaskier's ankle and roll it a bit. Jaskier could only manage a small hum in agreement, his muscles going lax under Eskel's attention. He lifted his leg up just a bit into the touches so that Eskel could get the other side too, and to try to convince him to give him a full foot massage. He heard Eskel huff out a small laugh but a moment later his thumb was pushing the top of his sock down. </p><p>"Mind if I take this off?" Eskel asked. Jaskier gave a small hum in agreement and Eskel rolled it off before tossing it aside, then rolled the other sock off and tossed it aside as well. And then all Jaskier knew was heaven. </p><p>It wasn't like Jaskier walked a lot, but he did a considerable amount and he liked to sometimes just take walks around the downtown area just for fun. So Eskel started to massage his feet, by no means a professional but loved enough that it was better than any professional, and Jaskier instantly melted. His eyes fluttered shut, and he flexed his foot in Eskel’s grip. </p><p>“You’re a saint,” he mumbled, stretching his arms above his head like a content cat. He felt like he couldn’t become even more of a puddle, but then Eskel gave a deep, rumbling chuckle. </p><p>“Only giving you the spoiling you deserve.”</p><p>Jaskier grinned and poked a toe against Eskel’s cheek. “Oh? Am I just that adorable?”</p><p>Eskel pulled his face away from Jaskier’s foot to grin back at him. “Yes.”</p><p>“Then you need to raise your standards.”</p><p>“My standards’re fine.” </p><p>Jaskier could only manage out a small grunt at that. He sounded almost like Geralt. The thought made him chuckle, and thankfully made him think of something other than Eskel saying he deserved to be spoiled, and that Jaskier being in his standards was fine. It definitely didn’t mean anything, after all. Nothing. </p><p>He shook the thought out of his head again and focused back in the present. His foot had been set back down in Eskel’s lap, and Eskel was starting to work on massaging the other one. </p><p>“Can I get you anything? Do anything for you?” Jaskier asked, suddenly feeling like an impolite host. Here he was, being pampered by his guest, when it should be the other way around. </p><p>“You can stop worrying,” Eskel offered without looking up from his focus on massaging up along Jaskier’s leg now. </p><p>“You’re a guest, you shouldn’t—”</p><p>“I think I’ve been over too many times to be considered a guest.” Eskel’s expression softened and he finally paused to look at Jaskier with a gentle smile. “I’m trying to be a good friend, Jask. Stop worrying so much about it.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jaskier finally relented, settling back into the couch with a sigh. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on relaxing, even though he wanted Eskel’s hands higher. That would be the fastest way to kill the mood and possibly lose his friend forever just because he was a bit flustered. </p><p>Eskel finally slowed and then stopped, laying Jaskier’s legs back in his lap. He rested his hand on Jaskier’s knee, and Jaskier knew faintly that he should open his eyes again, the massage was done so there was no need to be so relaxed anymore, but he felt loose and tingly and he wanted to hold onto the feeling as long as he could. </p><p>However, it wasn’t long until he felt discontent again, and he wiggled a bit and opened his eyes. Eskel was focused on the movie, it seemed. He didn’t even look at Jaskier when Jaskier shifted again. </p><p>“Eskel,” he mumbled, and Eskel finally turned to look at him. Suddenly, Jaskier felt it click in his head why he wasn’t comfortable anymore. He stretched his arms up and made grabby hands for his friend. “Lay down with me.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Eskel seemed nervous, and Jaskier huffed.</p><p>“You’re not that heavy. Come here, come here,” he insisted, giving his best puppy eyes at Eskel. They must have worked, because a moment later Eskel was setting the popcorn bowl on the coffee table so he could slowly shift to lay down on top of Jaskier. Jaskier gave a delighted hum and wiggle as he got settled under the nearly suffocating weight of another person on top of him. He wrapped his arms around Eskel and hugged him tight. </p><p>“There. Perfect,” he purred, nuzzling the top of Eskel’s head. He could feel the curve of Eskel’s smile against his collarbone, which only made him happier. </p><p>The storm whipped up higher outside, the next flash of lightning coming before the rumble of thunder from the previous one was finished. Jaskier hummed and slowly walked his fingers up along Eskel’s back. </p><p>“I think you might just have to stay the night if this lasts for as long as the weather reports say it should,” he murmured. “I don’t want you to drive back in this.”</p><p>“I don’t want to drive back in this,” Eskel agreed. He and Jaskier both let out a wheeze as suddenly Lil’ Bleater hopped up on Eskel’s back, crushing them both that extra little bit of weight. Eskel hefted himself up a bit to give Jaskier room to breathe and to try to convince Lil’ Bleater to climb somewhere else, but she had played that game with Eskel too much and easily stayed on despite his moving. She took a few steps on his back. </p><p>“Come on princess, off,” Eskel tried to urge, swaying a bit to convince her. Finally she hopped up on the back of the couch instead, her tail waggling as she gave a small bleat. Eskel chuckled and gave her back a small pat before looking back down at Jaskier.</p><p>Jaskier was stunned. He had wondered what it would be like to have Eskel hovering over him, so close that Jaskier could pull him down and kiss him, or hitch a leg around his waist and grind against him, but he didn’t think it’d actually happen. But Eskel didn’t seem to notice, or if he did he didn’t comment on it, because he simply went right back to laying on top of Jaskier and being his heated blanket. Jaskier felt all of the tension in him suddenly get released in the breath he hissed out from the weight on top of him. He wrapped his arms around Eskel once more, snuggling down into the couch with him. </p><p>“Are you even watching the movie anymore?” Eskel teased, his arms folding on top of Jaskier’s chest so he could prop his head up and grin at him. </p><p>“It makes for good background noise,” Jaskier said simply. The movie was hardly audible over the constant rumbling of thunder and the torrent of rain against the windows and the building. Jaskier remembered being scared of storms as a kid, hating how loud they were and how he was at the mercy of the rain and lightning. But now, even though his heart jumped a bit when a particularly loud crack of thunder came, he never felt safer. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes to get comfortable, maybe doze off a bit. He was still feeling a bit sluggish, and now that he was warm and content with his best friend cuddling him nearly to the point of suffocation, he felt like he could sleep. </p><p>Then a bright flash of lightning lit up the room, the thunder so loud that a few things rattled as the room went pitch black.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a moment of silence that stretched between them as they realized what happened.</p><p>Jaskier was the first to finally speak up. “Well. So much for the background noise.” He could feel Eskel’s chuckle from where his friend’s head was still resting on his chest.</p><p>Eskel lifted himself off of Jaskier, and the couch dipped as he sat up and then stood. “Where are your candles and lighter?” he asked.</p><p>Jaskier bit his lip and tried to think as he turned his phone’s flashlight on. “I…think they’re in the closet there?” he said as he passed the phone to Eskel and pointed at a doorway.</p><p>Eskel went to the closet and opened it. “There they are,” he said, and produced a few candles and a box of matches. He took them back to the couch and Jaskier sat up again to take his phone and turn the flashlight on it back off. Eskel set the candles down on the table, then struck a match to light them all. Jaskier silently wondered how it was possible for one man to look so attractive just lighting a match.</p><p>Once the candles were lit, Eskel set the box of matches aside and drew an arm around Jaskier’s shoulders again. “So, what now?”</p><p>“Now we just…sit here and wait for the power to come back on, I guess.” Jaskier pursed his lips. “We could..play a drinking game?”</p><p>“Sounds good,” Eskel agreed, getting up with Jaskier. He carried one of the candles with him so that Jaskier could faintly see while rummaging around in the liquor cabinet. It was important to see what he was pulling out, after all.</p><p>"What's your poison?" Jaskier asked. "I still have that caramel whiskey."</p><p>"Oh that's perfect," Eskel agreed. He tried not to stare at his friend's ass as Jaskier bent over more to retrieve the bottle of caramel whiskey and a bottle of tequila. He had to turn away and focus on finding the cabinet with the shotglasses when Jaskier even stuck his ass out a little more and gave a little wiggle.</p><p>"So what's the drinking game?" Eskel asked as he found the cabinet with the cups and glasses and pulled out a couple of shotglasses.</p><p>"Well I was going to ask you. What do you want to play? We could play never have I ever, drunk monopoly, drunk trivia, or we could just get drunk for the sake of getting drunk."</p><p>"Tough choice," Eskel mused. "How about we just drink for now? If we get in the mood to play a game we can choose then."</p><p>"Yes," Jaskier agreed. He grinned, a glint in his eyes that always meant fun and trouble. "Drinking contest?"</p><p>"That I can do." Eskel grabbed another two shotglasses and took all of them to the living room. He set the glasses down on the coffee table, two for each of them. "First to get to five wins?"</p><p>"Depends, what's the prize?" Jaskier asked. He sat down on the couch and handed the bottle of caramel whiskey to Eskel, who immediately opened it and set about pouring the first two shots.</p><p>"That's something for drunk us to figure out."</p><p>Well, he couldn't argue with that. They always came up with much better ideas and prizes when drunk. They usually weren't prizes at all, just requests like to get something to eat for the winner, but it was the principle of the matter and the bragging rights that came with it.</p><p>So when they poured their two shot glasses, Jaskier looked at Eskel and grinned. "Hope you're ready to do whatever I want."</p><p>"I won the last three," Eskel pointed out.</p><p>"Have to break that streak sometime. Go!"</p><p>They both grabbed the first shot and downed it, the second following soon after. Unfortunately while Eskel could pour faster, Jaskier could swallow faster. And apparently Jaskier had been practicing pouring, because he was downing his fourth shot just as Eskel was grabbing his fourth. Jaskier poured the last one and downed it, a harsh cough escaping him.</p><p>"It doesn't count if you throw up," Eskel spoke up, and then jostled him just to try to get him to lose. Jaskier waved an arm in his direction to get him to stop and groaned.</p><p>"You're just a sore loser," he muttered.</p><p>"Maybe." Eskel downed his last shot and set the glass down. He scooted closer to Jaskier and wrapped an arm around him. "So what's the prize you want for winning?"</p><p>"Mm, how about...you take my bed," Jaskier decided. He leaned his head on Eskel's shoulder and closed his eyes. "Since you're the guest."</p><p>"Damn. Can't argue with the winner," Eskel said with a loud sigh. "Will you be joining me?"</p><p>Jaskier smiled as he remembered the giant teddy bear that was still on his bed. "No room unless we move the bear. But it's heavy."</p><p>"I'm strong. I can take a stuffed bear," Eskel said with a puff to his chest. Jaskier laughed and patted his biceps.</p><p>"I know you can, you big thing of muscle. Let's go."</p><p>A small part of him that was still thinking rationally delighted in the idea of taking Eskel to bed, even if it wasn't in that way. But as soon as he stood up, the world tilted and he found himself back down on the couch while Eskel laughed.</p><p>"You're drunk," Eskel pointed out, and laughed more.</p><p>"No shit," Jaskier teased, giving him a small shove. "Barely. Only tipsy."</p><p>"You can't even stand up."</p><p>"Caught me by surprise, that's all. Wasn't expecting it to hit so soon."</p><p>"That's what you get for choosing tequila for the contest."</p><p>"I won."</p><p>Eskel hummed in agreement. "That you did." He set his hands on the edge of the couch and hauled himself up with a groan. "Ah, fuck." He sat back down on the couch. "Well, it's not time to sleep yet anyways."</p><p>Jaskier hummed in agreement. "Wonder how far the power outage is."</p><p>"Think Geralt lost power?"</p><p>"Let's check." With that, Jaskier pulled out his phone and dialed his friend. He set it on speaker so that Eskel could talk to him too.</p><p>The phone rang several times until Geralt finally picked up. "What?"</p><p>"Did you lose power?" Jaskier asked. Better to get straight to the point.</p><p>"No. Do you need to bring frozen stuff here?"</p><p>"Uh." Jaskier didn't think about that. "Shit. I don't...think I do?"</p><p>"Hey Geralt," Eskel spoke up, leaning against Jaskier to speak into the phone.</p><p>"Eskel?"</p><p>Eskel huffed out a laugh and pulled Jaskier closer. "Mmhm. Lil' Bleater's here too."</p><p>"You're both drunk," Geralt said flatly, already knowing.</p><p>"Only a little!" Jaskier spoke up. "We did a few shots. I won."</p><p>"Clearly," Geralt sighed. "Get a glass of water, both of you."</p><p>"You're not dad," Eskel grumbled.</p><p>"If I was dad I'd be lecturing you on drinking," Geralt fired back.</p><p>“No, you’re daddy,” Jaskier blurted out with a cackle.</p><p>There was dead silence from the phone, so much that Jaskier had to make sure that Geralt didn’t hang up on him. “Hello?” he cooed, a shit eating grin on his face as Eskel clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle his own laughter. “I’m sorry daddy, have I been naughty?”</p><p>“The next time I see you, I’m killing you on sight,” Geralt finally said deadpanned.</p><p>“Hot,” Jaskier said, still laughing. Eskel gave a punched-out noise and doubled over.</p><p>There was a long drawn out sigh from the phone. “Did you need anything?” Geralt asked.</p><p>“No, just wanted to see if you still had power,” Eskel finally managed to wheeze out.</p><p>“I’m hanging up now. Goodbye.”</p><p>“Bye daddy,” Jaskier purred.</p><p>“On. Sight.” That was all Geralt said before hanging up, leaving the two drunken friends to collapse against each other in raucous laughter as thunder cracked outside.</p><p>Jaskier was the first to get a hold of himself, by realizing that his head was perfectly resting on Eskel’s shoulder as most of his weight was on him. He turned and slipped his arms around Eskel, a small hum escaping him as he buried his face more into the crook of Eskel’s neck.</p><p>“You reek of alcohol,” he murmured, bumping his nose against Eskel’s throat. Eskel gave another small laugh at that, his big form still shuddering with remnants of the previous laughing fit.</p><p>“You don’t smell like flowers either,” Eskel teased as he wrapped his arms around Jaskier in turn. Jaskier hummed and leaned more and more on him until he was pushing him down to lay on top of him. If he were a cat, he’d be purring as he rested his head on Eskel’s chest.</p><p>“You make the best pillow. Like my bear,” he slurred out, feeling the alcohol starting to really hit him. “Ugh. I got that bear from my secret admirer, it’s such a sweet gift, you know? And Priscilla— Prissy fucking— she thought I’d hump it!” He huffed. “Like some <em>animal</em>.”</p><p>Eskel snickered, his fingers brushing through Jaskier’s hair. “Bet he makes a good guard bear.”</p><p>“Mmhm.” Jaskier closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. “Guards my fortress of pillows.” He gasped and smacked Eskel’s chest as he shot up. “That’s— we could make a pillow fort!” He patted Eskel's biceps. "With these, you can move the couch and-- and other stuff!"</p><p>Eskel laughed softly at Jaskier switching topics so fast. "Sure. Where do you want it?"</p><p>Soon enough, he found himself pushing the couch up next to the television, both perpendicular to the wall, with Jaskier's "help". In reality, Jaskier just told him where to put everything while laying on the floor.</p><p>Eskel went into Jaskier's room as Jaskier rambled about which blankets should go where. He gathered up as much from the mass of blankets and pillows on the bed as he could, his gaze falling on the giant stuffed teddy bear. He smiled and gave it an acknowledging nod before he scooped up the bundle of blankets and pillows and took them out to the living room. He deposited them next to Jaskier.</p><p>"Here, start getting it set up. I'll grab the rest," he said. Jaskier stumbled to his feet with Eskel's help and set about the task of untangling a blanket from the pile while Eskel went to grab the rest of them.</p><p>It took two more trips, but finally Jaskier's bed was stripped of all blankets and pillows and they were all in the living room. Jaskier was still trying to untangle the first blanket. Several other blankets and pillows were free from the original bundle, but Jaskier seemed intent on getting that blanket out first. Eskel knelt down to help him.</p><p>With the blanket freed, they set to the task of getting everything set up. Which, in reality, was just draping a couple of blankets over the top and one over the opening to create a doorway. The rest of the blankets and pillows were arranged in a sort of nest between the couch and television. Lil' Bleater came to investigate, but after Eskel gently reprimanded her for sniffing at the blanket that made up the "doorway", she hopped up on the other side of the couch and curled up like she belonged there.</p><p>Jaskier crawled inside the fort, settling down on top of the nest of blankets and pillows. He kept the doorway blanket pushed aside and beckoned Eskel in.</p><p>"Come inside, my handsome constructor of fortresses," he slurred.</p><p>Eskel laughed and was about to crawl inside as well, but paused and pursed his lips. "One second." He left, ignoring the way his alcohol-hazed heart tugged at the pitiful whine that Jaskier gave, and he went back into Jaskier's room. He came back out hauling the large teddy bear and plopped it down outside of the makeshift fort, with it leaning back against the TV stand.</p><p>"There," he said, and crawled inside. He laid down next to Jaskier. "Now we won't be disturbed by enemies."</p><p>Jaskier gave a small laugh and let the blanket covering the entrance slip closed as he rolled to lay on top of Eskel. He gave a little wiggle, and Eskel tried not to think about the way his cock was almost pressing right up against Jaskier's cunt through their clothes. If he just thrusted up a bit--</p><p>He had to clear his dry throat to try to steer his thoughts away from that. Jaskier lifted his head up and gave him a questioning look.</p><p>"Had something caught in my throat," Eskel mumbled in reply, and Jaskier seemed to accept this with a hum and a small snuggle down again. Eskel rested his hands on Jaskier's back, delighting in the way that Jaskier melted into the touch.</p><p>"Wouldn't it be awful if I kicked you out right now?" Jaskier asked with a small laugh. "Right into the pouring rain and lightning, drunk as hell."</p><p>"I'm not that drunk," Eskel protested. "Besides, you wouldn't."</p><p>"Now I want to," Jaskier mumbled into Eskel's shoulder. "Just 'cause you said I won't."</p><p>"But I make the best pillow," Eskel fired back. He tightened his hold on Jaskier. "Besides, you can't do that to Lil' Bleater."</p><p>"I wouldn't kick her out. Just you. She can stay in the blanket fort with me."</p><p>"I'll come to the funeral that follows for your blankets and pillows."</p><p>"Even after I kicked you out into a storm? You're sweet."</p><p>"You're sweeter," Eskel murmured, only half paying attention. His mind was starting to float, focused on the way it felt to brush his thumb over the small spot he could touch without moving the rest of his hand or arm. He only came back to reality when he realized his thumb no longer was stroking over Jaskier's back, because Jaskier had lifted himself up onto his hands and knees above Eskel.</p><p>Jaskier swayed a bit before leaning down and kissing his cheek, right over his scars. He pulled away with a dopey grin, clearly plastered by now. Eskel was feeling pleasantly drunk, still aware enough that a rational part of his mind screamed at the fact that <em>Jaskier just kissed him</em>, but drunk enough to laugh with Jaskier and bump their noses together playfully.</p><p>"You're drunk," he murmured, slinging an arm around Jaskier's neck.</p><p>"A liiiiiiittle," Jaskier drew out, pursing his lips as he trailed his fingers down Eskel's chest. "You are too."</p><p>"A little," Eskel agreed with a nod. He leaned up to bump their noses together again, finding he really liked that, and it only took a small tilt of Jaskier's head and a press closer from one of them-- he really couldn't be sure who-- until their lips were meeting.</p><p>The rational part of his brain, the part that wasn't entirely drowned in alcohol, screamed more about how bad of an idea this was. But he quieted it in favor of not letting this memory be tainted, in favor of holding Jaskier just a bit tighter around the waist and letting their lips linger together for a beat too long. The kiss reeked of alcohol, with only a slight tinge of the caramel of his whiskey still on his tongue. Eskel swore that one kiss made him more drunk than even a dozen shots of whiskey could.</p><p>He pulled away and Jaskier immediately burst into another round of giggles as he pitched forward and his face landed in Eskel's chest. He patted Eskel's pecs. "You do make the best pillows," he mumbled, his voice muffled.</p><p>"And you make the best blanket," Eskel replied back. It didn't seem like Jaskier even thought twice of the drunken pecks. Well, that would be Eskel's memories to keep then. He only prayed he would remember in the morning.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so sorry this took so long to come out!! New laptop but my notes for this chapter were on my old laptop, changed the beginning of this chapter SEVERAL times, family got covid, commissions, etc etc but it's here now with some (loving) bullying from Charlie, Jen, Les, and Koz! I love all of you and would kill for you in an instant</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaskier woke with a pounding headache and, as every other hungover morning before had gone, a vow to never drink again. He couldn’t even remember how he ended up in a pile of what could only be described as <em>cozy</em>, but there was a warm body next to him and he focused on that instead.</p><p>He snuggled down and slung an arm over his bedpartner. The soft midsection and thick biceps started his mind up enough to make him remember. He invited Eskel over, the power went out, they got drunk, and…ended up in bed together.</p><p>At least they both had their clothes on. Jaskier wasn’t sure if he even had condoms in the apartment big enough for Eskel.</p><p>He peeked an eye open and immediately regretted it. The heavy storm cleared all of the clouds out of the sky, and they had forgotten to close the curtains. It was now the time when the sun was too bright. Whether that meant morning or early afternoon, he didn’t care.</p><p>He buried his face deeper against Eskel to try to hide away from the sun still burning his eyes through his eyelids, and he ended up tucking his face against Eskel’s neck with a grumble.</p><p>“Good morning,” Eskel rumbled from beside him. Jaskier already felt better upon hearing Eskel’s smooth voice.</p><p>“Morning,” he rasped, wincing and coughing a bit at how dry his throat was. Well, might as well get the first question out of the way. “Did we fuck?”</p><p>Eskel startled from next to him, and laughed. “No, not last night.”</p><p>“…Did we fuck some other night that I don’t remember?”</p><p>“No.” Eskel cleared his throat. “Bad wording. Sorry.”</p><p>“Mm.” Jaskier gave a loose pat to Eskel’s chest. “Nothing to be sorry about.” He rested his hand on Eskel’s chest, his fingers idly skating over the swell of his muscles. “You could get away with murder with these.”</p><p>Eskel gave a weak, strained laugh. “Er. Thank you?”</p><p>“Fuck,” Jaskier pulled his hand away. “Sorry.”</p><p>“No it’s— you’re fine,” Eskel said. His voice sounded even more strained.</p><p>Jaskier drew away from Eskel and even turned away from him. “Mm.”</p><p>“I mean it Jask,” Eskel murmured. He closed the distance between them again and wrapped an arm around Jaskier’s waist. “Triss smacks my ass all the time, and you know she doesn’t care about men.”</p><p>That pulled a small laugh from Jaskier. “Yeah,” he agreed. He moved to snuggle back against his friend, though they both froze when Jaskier’s ass rubbed back against what was <em>definitely</em> Eskel’s morning wood.</p><p>He silently bemoaned the fact that they <em>didn’t</em> have a drunken fling last night. Shit, did they even make condoms that big? He gave a small shimmy away, both to try to stop thinking about how big Eskel’s dick was and to try to relieve some of the ache. It really shouldn’t have sent a pulse <em>down</em> just from that, but it had been a while since he got laid, and one of his best friends who was definitely on the list of “would rip my clothes off and spread my legs if you asked” just had his (very impressive) erection right up against Jaskier’s ass.</p><p>He gave another wiggle.</p><p>“Sorry,” Eskel said, and took his arm away from Jaskier to roll onto his back again.</p><p>Jaskier cleared his throat to try to focus and he propped himself up on his elbows to look at Eskel. “Like I said, you could get away with murder.” He tried to give a small laugh to clear the air, but it came out dry and strained.</p><p>Eskel laughed as well, a hand coming up to cover half of his face as he grinned. Jaskier tried not to let his eyes drift down too much to see the tent in Eskel’s sleep pants. He couldn’t help the quick instinctive glance down though. He quickly pulled his gaze away as he laid back down.</p><p>What could have been an eternity of silence stretched between them.</p><p>“You, uh— know where the bathroom is,” Jaskier finally spoke up, keeping his eyes firmly closed. “If you— wanted to take care of that.”</p><p>Eskel hummed, his own hands over his stomach. “Too hungover to get up,” he mumbled in return.</p><p>Jaskier tried to mimic the acknowledging hum, but it mostly came out as a half-strangled “hnn”.</p><p>“I can— try,” Eskel said, already struggling to sit up. “Don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”</p><p>“No,” Jaskier assured him. He reached over with one hand and pressed it into Eskel’s chest to make him lay back down. “I’m not uncomfortable. It’s fine.” His words were flying out faster than he could think. “There’s worse dicks to be pressed against, you know? It’s not too bad, it’s— I’m shutting up now.” His mouth closed with an audible click as his brain <em>finally</em> caught up with what he was saying.</p><p>Eskel cleared his throat and settled back into the blankets, and adjusted himself in his sleep pants. “Um. Thank you?” He gave a weak, dry laugh. “You, uh, don’t have too bad of an ass? Is that what I’m supposed to say in response?”</p><p>Jaskier gave a raspy laugh as he threw his arms up. “This is fuckin'<em>awful</em>.”</p><p>“Want to never talk about it again and forget it happened?” Eskel asked.</p><p>That broke Jaskier’s heart just a bit. So what if he was secretly hoping trying to talk about it would result in him and Eskel actually, maybe, having sex? That was his business.</p><p>But it didn’t happen, so there was no need to worry about it, right? Eskel didn’t want to talk about it. He clearly didn’t feel that way about Jaskier, and wanted to stay just friends. So friends that definitely didn’t compliment each other like that it was.</p><p>“Sure,” he choked out. He cleared his throat. “Do you still want to cuddle?” What? He could pretend at least, and enjoy the comforts of cuddling with his <em>friend</em>.</p><p>“Um.” There was a noticeable pause. “In a few.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Jaskier turned back onto his side with his back to Eskel while he waited. He didn’t know exactly how much time had passed, but it felt like an eternity before Eskel’s thick arm was wrapping around his waist and Eskel’s chest was pressing against his back again. He was clearly trying to keep away from Jaskier from the waist down, which was a <em>crime</em> and Jaskier was having none of that. He cuddled back against Eskel and purposefully moved to tangle their legs together. A surprised noise came from Eskel, and the arm around his waist tightened briefly before he relaxed once more.</p><p>“…We’re still friends?” Eskel asked cautiously.</p><p>“Of course,” Jaskier murmured back, his hand covering Eskel’s. “As long as you want to be.”</p><p>“Wasn’t sure if you wanted to, after that,” Eskel admitted. His breath ghosted over Jaskier’s neck, and Jaskier gritted his teeth and craned his head back just barely. He wanted Eskel to bite him, mark him up. <em>Fuck</em> he needed to get laid. He took a deep breath and slowly sighed it out to try to settle.</p><p>Yet by some miracle, either the hangover taking more out of him than he thought, or just because of the awkward tension in the air making it impossible to talk about anything, he fell back asleep.</p><p>He was partially woken up later by the door unlocking and opening, but it was the muttered “what the <em>fuck</em>” that made him snap awake. He untangled himself from Eskel, who only grumbled softly, and he peeked out of the blanket fort with a sheepish smile to Priscilla, who was looking at the blanket fort with an arched eyebrow.</p><p>“Hey Prissy,” he said softly. Priscilla looked at him and laughed. He was sure he looked a right mess, a quick run through his hair with his fingers confirmed that it was sticking up in quite a few different spots. His clothes were probably wrinkled to hell from sleeping in them, and he was sure he had circles under his eyes.</p><p>“Good afternoon,” she teased. “What happened to the living room?”</p><p>“Uh—” Jaskier rubbed his forehead, trying to remember. “There…was a storm.”</p><p>“We got drunk, made a blanket fort,” Eskel spoke up from where he was still curled up among the nest of blankets and pillows.</p><p>“Oh! Hello Eskel,” Priscilla said as she crouched down and tilted her head, as if she could see into the fort past Jaskier. “Can you guys put everything back?”</p><p>“Once I can think,” Eskel agreed.</p><p>Priscilla smiled and picked up the two bottles, the clinking noise making Jaskier pinch the bridge of his nose and retreat back into the fort. Eskel was propped up on an arm now and rubbing his eyes, though when he opened his eyes and looked at Jaskier, his hand quickly came up to cover them again and he gave a strangled noise. “<em>Jaskier.</em>”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Your <em>shirt</em>.”</p><p>“What about my— <em>oh sweet merciful gods.</em>” Jaskier looked down to find that his shirt had been rucked up to his collar in his sleep, exposing his tits to two of his best friends. Priscilla it didn’t matter, they lived together and were close enough that they could change in front of each other without batting an eye. Eskel, however… Jaskier scrambled to tug his shirt back down, his face burning. “I am <em>so</em> sorry. We’re going to forget that happened.”</p><p>To hide his shame, he tried to burrow down into the blankets as far away from Eskel as he could get. It really wasn’t much in the tiny blanket fort, especially not with how big Eskel was, but it was the principle of the matter.</p><p>“There’s uh— worse chests to be flashed with?” Eskel tried to joke, and Jaskier couldn’t help but laugh.</p><p>“What? I thought you two— Well, I brought some painkillers and water,” Priscilla’s voice came from outside of the fort. Her hands came past the blanket acting as a door a moment later, holding a glass of water and four pills. “Do you want me to get another glass?”</p><p>Jaskier and Eskel shared a look, which was more like a grimace. “Sure,” Jaskier decided, and stayed where he was. Yet Eskel nudged him a moment later.</p><p>“Take it first,” Eskel murmured, and how could Jaskier refuse that voice? He sat up with some struggle— making <em>very</em> sure this time that his shirt was down and covering everything— and took the glass of water and two of the pills from Eskel. He swallowed the pills and sighed as he swirled the rest of the water around in the glass, trying his best to look morose. Well, at least it gave him the proof that Eskel really was not into him like that. He gave an instinctive tug on the hem of his shirt again.</p><p>He wanted to live in this blanket fort with Eskel forever, but not like this. He wanted to be in a blanket fort with Eskel, where Eskel felt the same way about him, and instead of covering his eyes when he saw Jaskier’s shirt rucked up, he’d lean in and trace the swell of his breast with his fingers, mouth and suck at—</p><p>Jaskier let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and snapped himself out of his daydreams. No, he couldn’t think about his friend like that. Not when Eskel didn’t feel the same way. He just needed to get laid, that was all. That didn’t help his current situation though. He would play tonight, he decided, and if his secret admirer didn’t step up and confess, he’d find someone else to do the trick. As an old, wise man once said, “you snooze you lose”.</p><p>He heard Priscilla return with the second glass of water, and he set his now empty glass aside in its own little nest of blankets so it wouldn’t topple over. Not that it mattered, there were only a few water droplets left inside, which wouldn’t hurt the blankets.</p><p>It felt like only a moment later that Eskel gave his shoulder a small pat and hefted himself up. “Stay here. I’ll put everything back,” he whispered, and Jaskier felt his heart give a traitorous tug and cursed himself for getting flustered over something so mundane but <em>soft</em>.</p><p>“Okay,” he mumbled in reply, though Eskel was already leaving the small blissful realm of their fort to take the blankets away from the top. They were dropped unceremoniously on top of Jaskier instead, and Jaskier ducked under them with an unhappy grumble as the lack of a “roof” brought even more light to his stinging eyes and pounding head. The curtains were drawn a moment later and Eskel got to work. The television and couch were put back approximately how they were before, the large teddy bear was put back on Jaskier’s bed— which was stripped, like how Jaskier <em>wanted</em> to be— and all of the pillows and blankets that Eskel could get to without disturbing Jaskier were returned to the bed as well.</p><p>Finally it was just Jaskier, and the mass of blankets he managed to hoard and keep held tight while Eskel was tidying up. Jaskier was expecting a battle of wits or possibly even a stare off before he was forced to stand up and go back to his room himself. What he wasn’t expecting was for two strong arms to suddenly slid under him and scoop him up, blankets and all, to bridal carry him to his bed. He was so stunned by the soft gesture that he stayed frozen for several seconds after he was deposited so gently down in the middle of the blankets and pillows already in the bed. He couldn’t think of what to do or say as Eskel started to rearrange the blankets and pillows so Jaskier was firmly tucked into a nest of coziness.</p><p>Just as Eskel finished tucking him in, his mind started up once more.</p><p>“Stay?” he asked as he peeked over the blankets with the best puppy eyes he could manage while still hungover. “I’m cold and miss you already.”</p><p>Eskel’s face showed how conflicted he was about it, and he leaned over to pick up the giant teddy bear. He lifted up the blankets to tuck it in next to Jaskier. “I really need to go check on the farm, I’ve been gone too long, but how about this guy keeps you company instead?”</p><p>Jaskier’s cheeks burned. It felt so childish, but his head hurt like a bitch and he was too exhausted to protest. He slipped his arms out of the cocoon of blankets he was trapped in to pull Eskel down into a tight hug. “Sorry again about this morning,” he mumbled.</p><p>“Wouldn’t be the weirdest thing that’s happened,” Eskel assured him with a small laugh.</p><p>Jaskier smiled and pushed down the urge to suggest making it weirder by asking Eskel to kiss him goodbye. He already made his friend uncomfortable enough by accidentally flashing him. Instead, he let go of his friend and snuggled down into the blankets again.</p><p>Eskel tucked him in once more and gave Jaskier’s shoulder an affectionate squeeze through the blankets. “Feel better?”</p><p>And how could Jaskier ever say no to that question when Eskel was looking at him with such gentleness that it made his chest <em>ache</em>? “Yeah. Much.”</p><p>“Good. I’ll go round up Lil’ Bleater, and apologize to Priscilla. Will you play tonight?”</p><p>“I think so,” Jaskier said. If Eskel was there, he probably wouldn’t get laid tonight. It was impossible to focus on seducing a stranger when his hot best friend was there being so genuine and sweet. Not that it bothered him. He’d try again some other night.</p><p>“I’ll see you tonight then. Sleep well.” Eskel brushed his fingers through Jaskier’s hair, and Jaskier was sure he imagined the touch lingering for just a second too long before Eskel finally pulled away and left the room.</p><p>Maybe it wasn’t so odd for Eskel to feel better just by talking to Jaskier. After all, it was exactly how Jaskier felt now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's a faster update to make up for the accidental hiatus! Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things returned to normal after that. Or, well, as normal as they could be with Jaskier pining over Eskel while also somehow being thoroughly wooed by someone that he hasn’t seen yet but kept receiving gifts from. Quite a few drinks, all with innuendo names. At least Jaskier knew that his secret admirer had a similarly awful sense of humor. They didn’t come often, but it was cute when they did come up. He suspected Priscilla was working with the secret admirer now, since whoever it was seemed to know exactly when he had a bad day, and he would have a drink ready for him for free soon after he arrived. Though, those were on the days that he came to perform. He wondered if he just had a constant tab open for when Jaskier arrived and needed a drink.</p><p>So, like any good curious person, he decided to try it on a day off.</p><p>“The hell are you doing here?” Lambert snorted as Jaskier plopped down on one of the stools. “Thought you didn’t play on the weekend.”</p><p>“Not here to play,” Jaskier replied. “Here to get drunk. Give me whatever the hell you want to make.”</p><p>“That, I can help with.” Lambert tied his long ginger curls back and set to work, spinning bottles around with a flourish as he prepped the drink. It didn’t seem too complex, just a few different things layered on top of one another, but the way Lambert juggled the bottles and spun them without spilling a single drop outside of the glass made it look fancy. He slid it across to Jaskier. “Here. It’s called ‘sit on my face’.”</p><p>Jaskier snorted and sipped at it. “Try to make sure I don’t pull up too much of a tab today.”</p><p>“No need. All drinks tonight are—” Lambert paused and snickered, his grin wide on his face. “They’re courtesy of your— your ‘secret admirer’.”</p><p>Jaskier perked up. “Really? He’s here?”</p><p>“Nah. Too much of a fuckin’ wimp. But he did say ‘whatever the fine bitch over there wants tonight, give it to him’.” Lambert snickered again.</p><p>“In those words?”</p><p>“’Course not. Lot more stuttering.”</p><p>“Stuttering?” Jaskier repeated, raising his eyebrows. A clever grin spread across his face. “So my secret admirer is shy. That’s sweet. Think he’ll ever confess?”</p><p>“Oh hell no, absolutely not. Pretty sure he’d rather die in a pile of shit,” Lambert said with a snort.</p><p>Jaskier tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips. “Are <em>you</em> my secret—”</p><p>He didn’t even get the words out before Lambert burst into laughter, doubling over and nearly knocking a glass off of the counter. Jaskier stayed silent with a pout as Lambert continued to laugh, coughing a couple times before collapsing into more laughter. He finally straightened up after what felt like forever, and wiped a stray tear from his eye. “Oh, that’s <em>rich</em>. I don’t have the same alibi that pretty boy does, but no.”</p><p>“Geralt told you about that?”</p><p>“Geralt told me the <em>whole</em> mess. Told me to not say anything to you on it.”</p><p>“What’s he bribing you with? A raise? Free drinks?”</p><p>“Nah, just code.” Lambert straightened the glass that he nearly knocked over in his fit of laughter and fixed his hair, still grinning. A couple of the smooth curls had already gotten free of the tie. “Hate that asshole sometimes, but I know he’d have my back if I asked him something like this too.”</p><p>“So it’s someone that Geralt knows, but you don’t?” Jaskier asked, tapping his chin. “That could be <em>anyone</em>.”</p><p>“I never said I didn’t know your secret admirer too,” Lambert said with a scoff.</p><p>“You know him?”</p><p>“Know him? Shit, I have to listen to his pining every damn time he shows up here. It's past the point of cute and now it's just pathetic.”</p><p>Jaskier whined. “Why does <em>everyone</em> seem to know this secret admirer but I don’t? It has to be a regular, but I can’t figure out who.”</p><p>“It’s because you’re an idiot looking too close.” Lambert gave him a wink and wiped off the taps. “Man, he’d be <em>pissed</em> if he knew I was even telling you that much. It’d really get his goat.”</p><p>That pulled a small laugh out of Jaskier. “I think you’ve been hanging around Eskel too much, his goat puns are rubbing off on you.”</p><p>Lambert barked out a startlingly loud laugh. “Sure as hell hope not. Otherwise I’ll have to worry about your stupidness rubbing off on me too.”</p><p>“Can you tell me at least if my secret admirer is rich or poor?” Jaskier asked. “I don’t want to run him bankrupt accidentally.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it. If he can’t pay, I’m sure Geralt will cover the rest. Want another? I’ve been working on a couple of mixes and I want you to give your opinions.”</p><p>Jaskier grimaced. “I don’t know, last time I got horribly wasted I ended up in bed with Eskel.”</p><p>“Oh? I haven’t heard that yet,” Lambert said with a crooked grin. “Hang on, let me—” He picked up a rag and a glass that looked clean, and set about “polishing” the glass. “Okay, now I look like a typical hot barman here to listen to your woes, now give me the details.”</p><p>“Not much to say,” Jaskier said with a shrug. “We got wasted, built a blanket fort, slept in it. Didn’t have sex or anything.” He wrinkled his nose and took a sip of his drink. “Wish we did,” he grumbled under his breath.</p><p>Lambert paused in his fake polishing and held the glass up to one of the dim lights. “Why didn’t you ask? Sex cures hangovers.”</p><p>“He doesn’t think of me like that.” Jaskier sighed and finished off his drink, and slid the glass across. “Be a good sexy barman here to listen to my woes and get me another drink.”</p><p>Lambert took the glass. “Changed your mind?”</p><p>“Yeah. Maybe if you make it a good one I’ll tell you about something that happened that morning that made me want to curl up and die.”</p><p>“On it.” Lambert set to work, his usual flourishing, spinning, and juggling, as well as a small shake of his ass towards Jaskier to get Jaskier to laugh. He set down a glass in front of Jaskier, the drink inside a beautiful and even rainbow. “Here you are. One gay iced tea.”</p><p>Jaskier snapped a picture of it. “Geralt should really let me handle social media for this place, I bet you alone would bring a shitload of people in,” he said, and sipped at the drink while posting the photo to his own Instagram.</p><p>“Right? I keep telling him that, but it’s always ‘no, I don’t want a bunch of underaged teens coming in’ or ‘just pour the damn drink normally’.” Lambert scoffed and wiped down his side of the counter. “What’s the point of being a bartender if it’s just pouring stuff into a glass like you’re in the kitchen?”</p><p>Jaskier nodded in agreement, though he really wasn’t listening much to what Lambert was saying. He was too focused scrolling through his homepage, and then pulling up his text conversation with Eskel to make sure he hadn’t missed a text from him on accident.</p><p>“Damn, you really do have it bad don’t you?” Lambert asked as he rested his forearms on the counter and leaned in a bit.</p><p>“Yeah.” Jaskier sipped at his drink as morosely as he could manage, though it was hard to look sad while sipping at a bright rainbow-colored drink that actually tasted delicious. He huffed and sat up as he smacked a hand against the counter. “Dammit Lambert! I’m trying to be sad and mope over here, stop giving me good drinks. I can’t be sad when I’m drinking alcoholic skittles!”</p><p>Lambert laughed and crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s why I’m the bartender on the weekends. Best for cheering up. Well, and I can take any creeps.” He flexed to show off and make his point. “Now fess up, what’d you do?”</p><p>Jaskier groaned and covered his face, though he was grinning a little. It was hard not to laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation. “Ugh. This was like, two weeks ago. I was feeling <em>awful</em> you know? And Eskel came over, we got drunk, built a blanket fort. In the morning, Prissy came back, and when I sat up to talk to her, my shirt was up. Right up to here.” Jaskier gestured at the line right above his chest. “Turned around and Eskel was awake. Shoved my tits in his face first thing in the morning.”</p><p>Lambert laughed so loudly that a few patrons turned and gave odd glances their way. He clapped a few times and shook his head. “Perfect! Fuckin’ <em>brilliant</em>. You know, most people tell their crush that they like them by giving them chocolates or shit. Not flashing them.”</p><p>“Don’t remind me,” Jaskier whined, sinking down and burying his head in his arms. “Ugh. I don’t know how I’m supposed to look him in the eye still after that.”</p><p>“I don’t think he was looking at your eyes anyways,” Lambert snickered.</p><p>“He covered his face. Because he’s not a pervert, unlike you,” Jaskier fired back as he lifted his head up to glare.</p><p>“Did you want him to stare at your chest or not?”</p><p>“I don’t know!” Jaskier buried his head in his arms again.</p><p>“Just drink your alcoholic skittles, maybe they’ll help you decide,” Lambert said with a noticeable nudge of the glass towards Jaskier. Jaskier pouted and sat up to take a long drink.</p><p>“Okay yes, that does make me feel better,” Jaskier admitted with a huff. “I don’t know. I mean, I want to spend time with him, but I also don’t want to take up all of his time. He’s got other friends—”</p><p>“No he doesn’t,” Lambert interrupted. “Please, for the love of fuck, hang out with him more. I heard him asking his goats for relationship advice.”</p><p>“Relationship advice?” Jaskier repeated, his shoulders hunching.</p><p>“Yeah, he’s lovesick. Been for a while.” Lambert twirled his phone in his hand idly. “You didn’t know? Thought everyone could see him floating on air with a trail of hearts behind him.”</p><p>“No, he never said anything.” Jaskier twisted the hem of his shirt in his hands. “And then there I go, coming onto him by flashing him and telling him he has a good dick.”</p><p>“You <em>what</em>?!” Lambert asked, and he slammed his hands on the counter to lean forward until their noses were nearly touching. Jaskier recoiled back with a grimace. Perhaps it was the alcohol, perhaps it was just him needing to talk about it with <em>someone</em>, to say it out loud and get it out of his system, but he found the words tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them.</p><p>“It was the same morning that I flashed him, but before that happened. We were trying to cuddle, and he had morning wood and it pressed <em>right</em> up against me. He apologized, and I tried to reassure him by saying there’s worse dicks to be pressed against. Who the fuck says that!”</p><p>“You do,” Lambert pointed out with a laugh. He drew away. “Is there something else from that morning you’re keeping from me? Come on, I’m here to listen to all of your woes. Anything.”</p><p>“No, nothing else.” Jaskier sighed. “But…why wouldn’t he tell me he needs relationship advice? I thought we were best friends.”</p><p>“Because your way of being in love is ‘shove it down and internalize it’.”</p><p>“What am I supposed to do? Tell him I’ve been in love with him since <em>forever</em> and then make it weird for both of us?” Jaskier exaggerated a sigh and sipped at his drink some more. Not even the colorful drink could help him feel better over this. “He doesn’t think of me like that. I wish I could get over him with this secret admirer bullshit, but..it’s hard to replace Eskel. He’s so sweet, and his <em>dick</em>—”</p><p>“Ew, gross. Ignoring you now,” Lambert said with a hand raised up. “I do <em>not</em> want to hear about my brother’s dick.”</p><p>“Fine,” Jaskier agreed. “But I don’t know what to do.”</p><p>“Well first off, spend more time with him,” Lambert suggested. “<em>Please</em>. Geralt and I can’t be his only human contact. He bought <em>another</em> goat.”</p><p>“He did?” Jaskier asked. “That’s a good place to start. Maybe I can break the ice again with that.” Before Lambert could stop him, though the redhead really didn’t even try to make a move, Jaskier had pulled out his phone and was texting Eskel. Luckily his phone’s autocorrect learned his atrocious drunk typing by now, so it came out mostly coherent.</p><p>“And..sent! There,” Jaskier set his phone down and crossed his arms with a pleased huff. “And he’ll see it in the morning, and get all excited about his new goat, and he’ll probably send me pictures, and it’s going to be <em>adorable</em>.”</p><p>“And you’re going to continue being a pining idiot for the rest of your life,” Lambert finished with a snicker. Jaskier deflated and went back to sipping at his drink while Lambert helped a couple of other patrons, several of them watching his show off methods with awe.</p><p>Just as Jaskier was finishing up his own drink, his phone buzzed on the table. He frowned and picked it up to see Eskel replied to his text with a promise to show him photos in the morning. It was nearing midnight, what was Eskel doing awake still?</p><p>He caught Lambert’s eye and gestured to the backroom, and Lambert nodded wordlessly without pausing in his drink mixing. A quick duck into the backroom and Jaskier was cloaked in near silence. The soundproofing was top notch, he knew Geralt put a lot of money into making sure he could have a quiet area for focusing on working or when he needed a break, and it showed. He leaned against the wall and slowly sank down until he was sitting on the plush carpeting, his knees folded against his chest.</p><p>With a deep breath, he dialed Eskel’s number and waited. It barely rang three times before Eskel answered.</p><p>“Hey Jask, what’s up?” His voice was rough, and Jaskier felt his heart tug a bit at it.</p><p>“Hey yourself. Why are you awake this late?” he asked softly.</p><p>“Couldn’t sleep. You?”</p><p>“I’m at the pub. Talking with Lambert.”</p><p>“Right. Any fun stories?”</p><p>“No,” Jaskier lied. Eskel didn’t need to know that Jaskier was <em>still</em> thinking about how it felt to have Eskel spooning him while hard. “Why can’t you sleep?”</p><p>“Just..rough day. Haven’t been feeling well lately.”</p><p>“Anything I can do?”</p><p>There was a pause. Then, a shaky breath in and out. “Talk to me? Anything.”</p><p>“Well you’ve asked the right person for that, you know I can’t ever shut up,” Jaskier said, trying to lighten the mood a bit. The rush he got from hearing Eskel’s sleepy chuckle made him feel like he could run a mile. So, in a desperate attempt to hear it again, he talked. About everything, about nothing. The poor excuse of a guy flirting with Priscilla the other day, the way he choked while singing because a gnat got into his throat but he still killed it on tips that night, the sample of tea he had from a shop the other day that was so good but cost far too much.</p><p>“Reminds me, I need t’ get more’a your tea here,” Eskel mumbled, his words starting to melt together, just like how Jaskier’s heart melted.</p><p>“That’s so sweet of you, don’t worry about it. I’ll bring some more over, Prissy has started giving me dirty looks any time she opens the cabinet looking for something else and only finds tea.”</p><p>“Mmkay.” Not even a chuckle.</p><p>“You still with me?”</p><p>“Mhm.” Eskel <em>definitely</em> wasn’t still with him.</p><p>“Want me to sing? It might help.”</p><p>“Please,” came the sleepy mumble.</p><p>Jaskier felt his heart melt. He held his phone away for a moment so he could clear his throat, then held it back to his ear so he could start to hum a low, soft tune. He was making up most of it as he went along, but if it occasionally dipped into tunes of cheesy love songs that he had tucked away deep in his notebooks, Eskel didn’t need to know that did he? What mattered was the sleepy, unintelligible mumble that he just barely caught coming from the other end of the phone. He continued to hum and sing softly until the line went quiet for so long that he was worried his phone had died. A quick pull away and check confirmed that his phone was still plenty alive, and he was still technically on the call with Eskel, but…</p><p>“Are you there?” he asked, keeping his voice low and steady. He held his breath, waiting, until a rustle came from the phone and all he got as a response was a low, rumbling snore. He covered his mouth to muffle his laugh.</p><p>“Alright. Good night darling, sweet dreams,” he whispered into the phone before lowering it. His thumb hovered over the red circle to hang up but he paused, and took a deep breath as he held the phone back up to his ear.</p><p>“I love you,” he whispered, so low it might as well have been just a thin exhale. He wasn’t even sure if the phone would have picked it up if Eskel was awake. Regardless, he hung up and put his forehead against his knees, taking a shaky breath in and out. It didn’t feel any less daunting to say it out loud, especially when he knew Eskel didn’t hear him. He was filled with adrenaline now, he needed to walk home. He couldn’t sit here and keep drinking like he didn’t just confess to his best friend and crush of who knows how long now.</p><p>With a surge of movement he was up on his feet and walking out of the backroom.</p><p>“I’m leaving, need to get home,” was all he said over his shoulder to Lambert as he grabbed his jacket off of the back of his chair. Lambert may have said goodbye to him, he didn’t know. His head was buzzing with everything and nothing and too much and not enough. He couldn’t hear anything, he could hear every bit of noise around him. He walked back the entire way to his flat, which really wasn’t that far but the chill in the air was at least enough to center him just a bit and try to come to terms with what happened.</p><p>He got it all off of his chest.</p><p>Sort of.</p><p>Not really.</p><p>It still ate at him, if not even more now because he said it out loud but it <em>didn’t count</em>.</p><p>He blew out a long breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Okay. I’m okay,” he whispered to himself. He still didn’t believe himself. But he was back home now, so he slipped inside the building and up to his flat. He tried to be quiet, in case Priscilla was sleeping, but he found her perfectly awake and munching on some popcorn while something played on the TV.</p><p>“How drunk are you?” she asked without looking away from the screen.</p><p>“Not at all,” Jaskier said as he hung his coat up and kicked off his shoes. “Lambert wanted me to try some mixes he was working on, but I didn’t want to get that shitfaced.” He plopped down next to her on the couch and took a handful of popcorn. “Have they kissed yet?”</p><p>“Jask, this is The Shambling Dead. They’re all sad and dying from each other and from zombies,” Priscilla replied. “There’s like, barely any romance in this.”</p><p>“Yeah but have they kissed?” Jaskier asked. “I think if they kissed they’d have a better chance of surviving.”</p><p>“Ugh, no they haven’t yet. You might be onto something though.”</p><p>“Of course I am. If they’re all in love with each other then they wouldn’t kill each other over a breadcrumb.”</p><p>“Yeah but if someone got bitten then they wouldn’t be able to kill the infected person and they’d all die.”</p><p>“Hm.” Jaskier took another handful of popcorn and shoved it into his mouth. He hauled himself off the couch and stretched. “I’ve officially lost interest. I’m going to bed, don’t stay up too late.”</p><p>“I’m going to stay up late.”</p><p>Jaskier shrugged. It was a lost cause, trying to argue with Priscilla. With Pancake on his heels, he went for the bathroom to start to get ready. Once Pancake realized he was not, in fact, headed for the kitchen for more snacks, Jaskier was abandoned and left to do his nightly ritual in peace.</p><p>At least interacting with Priscilla, even for a brief moment, helped clear his head a bit. Unfortunately the static came back as soon as he flopped into bed beside his giant stuffed bear, which no longer smelled like animal but still reminded him so much of Eskel. He rolled onto his side and slung an arm and leg over the giant teddy bear, imagining he was back in that warm blanket fort with Eskel, both of them sleep mussed and hungover to hell and back, but warm. He cuddled in closer and breathed out.</p><p>“I love you,” he murmured to the stuffed bear that wasn’t Eskel, and for a moment, fancied the idea of Eskel saying it back to him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!! Sorry about the wait, can you believe we're getting closer to the end??? I almost don't want this to end, it's been such a fun journey</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Jaskier was brimming with nerves. The memory of saying it out loud, that he was hopelessly, ridiculously in love with Eskel, still set his nerves alight. To make matters worse when Eskel had sent the pictures of his new goat, a old goat that would have melted the phone in Eskel’s hand with its glare if it could, Jaskier cooed over it so much that Eskel offered to meet Jaskier up at the bar tonight, and Jaskier could stay the night and meet his new goat in the morning. So now, after saying out loud that he loved Eskel, he had to see his friend, and live with that knowledge. He shuddered at the thought. It could easily end in disaster, of him thinking so much about it that he ended up blurting out the words as if Eskel still couldn’t hear.</p><p>So he busied himself with trying to get ready for tonight, and inevitably tomorrow. Eskel already had a toothbrush in his bathroom for Jaskier, so he didn’t need to worry about that. He always borrowed Eskel’s clothes for sleeping in, no need to worry about pajamas then. He surely still had a couple spare outfits he left at Eskel’s in case of a spontaneous sleepover, so no need to worry about clothes. He packed some tins of tea to refill his collection of teas that stayed over at Eskel’s and get Priscilla’s judgemental looks to stop for two days. He grabbed a bottle of wine— <em>only</em> wine— to take as a “hello I haven’t spent much proper time with you in two whole weeks” gift. He winced at the sight of the tequila bottle sitting innocently, front and center, right at eye level. He remembered the pounding headache, the unfortunate morning after, and felt nauseous. Priscilla must have done that on purpose.</p><p>He put the wine back.</p><p>Just himself, then. Eskel did always say he didn’t have to bring over a gift when he visited, he practically lived there as a second house. Jaskier looked at the tea in his bag and frowned. He really did nearly move into Eskel’s house without Eskel’s permission huh? That made him worry his lip between his teeth. Maybe he should take a couple of extra bags so he could get some of his stuff out of Eskel’s house. It would be the polite thing to do, wouldn’t it? So he folded up a few extra bags and stuck them in the first bag, to load up with stuff later to try to give back at least some of Eskel’s place to him.</p><p>It was a bit of a weight on his mind, so he wasn’t fully paying attention to much of anything else in the bar aside from the stage where he was singing his usual love songs. Perhaps with a bit less gusto than usual, but he made decent tips all the same. It resulted in him being nearly startled out of his skin when he went up to the bar as usual after his set and Eskel’s voice came suddenly from beside him.</p><p>“Hey, any lights on in there?” his friend asked. Jaskier jumped and gripped the edge of the bar with one hand as the other went over his chest and he wheezed as Eskel laughed.</p><p>“Shit, when did you get here?” he asked, his voice still weak.</p><p>“An hour ago,” Eskel replied. “I’ve been tryin’ to catch your eye ever since I got here.”</p><p>“Oh you’ve caught my eye since day one,” Jaskier blurted out. <em>Failed step one</em>. A beat of silence stretched between them, and even Priscilla seemed to freeze, but it was over just as quickly as it began when Eskel managed a smile that looked more like a grimace as he gestured to the scars on his face.</p><p>“Yeah I, uh. Catch people’s eyes a lot huh?” Eskel joked weakly. Jaskier forced out a thin laugh.</p><p>“Ha, yeah. Um.” He cleared his throat and grinned more widely at Priscilla. “Do I have a drink ready for me?”</p><p>“Of course.” Priscilla slid across his drink, a fruity blue cocktail. “Got something else for you too, from your secret admirer. Something quite lovely, if I say so myself, and I do.”</p><p>That caught Jaskier’s attention. Now that he thought of it, it had been a while since he had received anything more than a drink from his secret admirer. Some chocolates once, a couple more flowers, but nothing more than that. The news of another gift, another good gift? That was exciting. He bounced a little in his seat.</p><p>“Well? What are you waiting for?” He reached out with his hands and made grabby motions. Eskel chuckled beside him. Priscilla laughed as well, and reached under the bar to grab a small gift box that shimmered. Jaskier paused and tilted his head.</p><p>“Jewelry? I mean, I won’t say no to jewelry, but that seems a bit—”</p><p>“Just open it,” Priscilla said as she shoved the box into Jaskier’s hands. Jaskier cracked open the box slightly, wincing as he already dreaded the worst.</p><p>“Oh,” he breathed out. It wasn’t the expensive jewelry he was dreading, but rather two handwoven bracelets, striped with different colors. One was striped with the nonbinary flag colors, and the other the transgender flag. He picked them up, and it was then that he noticed the folded up post-it note underneath them. He took that out as well and set the box down on the bar counter so he could unfold it.</p><p>“<em>I’m sorry I’m late my dear,</em><br/><em>But I wanted to make them perfect,</em><br/><em>Just as you are.</em><br/><em>Your secret admirer</em>,” he read out. He inspected the bracelets more closely, seeing the slight flaws in the weaving that spoke volumes about its handcrafted origins.<br/>“Wha— But how did they—” He paused and looked up at his two best friends, who were looking at him with soft smiles. He remembered the comment he had made to Eskel, worrying about whether his secret admirer would truly like him or not. Priscilla had mentioned talking with the secret admirer a couple times.</p><p>“You two are conspiring against me!” he accused.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Priscilla asked, looking a little taken aback. She always was a fantastic actor, Jaskier mused.</p><p>“<em>You</em> told her, and <em>you</em> told my secret admirer!” Jaskier said, pointing at Eskel and Priscilla respectively. Priscilla snorted.</p><p>“Guilty as charged,” she admitted, her hands up.</p><p>“Yeah,” Eskel said with a weak chuckle.</p><p>“And let me guess, you’re <em>still</em> not going to tell me who it is?” Jaskier asked as he tried to get one of the bracelets tied on one-handed.</p><p>“Not a thing,” Priscilla vowed.</p><p>“You’re cruel, absolutely downright— <em>ugh</em>, Eskel.” He gave up on trying to tie the bracelets on and handed them to Eskel, who took them wordlessly and tied them on Jaskier’s wrist for him. Jaskier felt his anger at Priscilla’s refusal to still say anything dissipate as he watched Eskel’s thick fingers work so delicately and carefully to tie his bracelets on in small bows, as if they were worth the world and more. To Jaskier, they were. Eskel probably knew that too.</p><p>“There. They should hold,” Eskel said, and Jaskier willed himself not to melt when Eskel’s fingers just briefly traced along the inside of his wrist before Eskel pulled away. It wasn’t until then that he realized how close they had been while Eskel was tying on the bracelets for him, their noses nearly touching. The realization sent a flush to his cheeks, and he tried to shake it off by taking a long sip of his drink.</p><p>“Thank you,” he choked out.</p><p>“Tell me if they start to slip,” Eskel replied. He cleared his throat and his fingers rubbed over the scars on his cheek. “Uh, ready to go back home— to my farm after this?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaskier said, and laughed softly. “Oh, that reminds me. I brought bags, so I can get some of my stuff out.”</p><p>“What?” The frown that Eskel’s face dropped into could have made a puppy cry.</p><p>“Oh boy,” Priscilla muttered, but Jaskier didn’t pay her any mind.</p><p>“Well, I mean I have a <em>lot</em> of my stuff over there. Clothes, beauty products, I’ve practically moved in,” he said, trying to keep his tone light and joking. “I’m sure you want half of your house back.”</p><p>“I like having you take over half of my house,” Eskel insisted. “Makes it feel less empty.” He grabbed Jaskier’s hand and gave it a small squeeze. Jaskier tried to ignore how his heart skipped a beat.</p><p>“If you insist,” Jaskier mumbled, making no move to pull his hand away. In fact, he threaded their fingers together as he took a sip of his drink, pretending like he was doing it casually and not because it made his heart feel like it was going to burst out of his chest. Eskel didn’t try to take his hand back either, and didn’t say a word about it.</p><p>Jaskier worried that Priscilla would say something, that she would tease him or even just <em>look</em> at him with a knowing grin to mock him, but she seemed off in her own world, typing on her phone. Huh. Jaskier hid his smile behind the rim of his glass. Somehow, the fact that there wasn’t any attention drawn to him holding hands with Eskel, that neither of them acknowledged it as if it was a normal thing, and not even Priscilla drew attention to it, it made Jaskier want to swoon. He thought he might actually faint when Eskel’s thumb rubbed over the back of his hand and their intertwined hands were rested on Eskel’s thigh. It took all of his willpower to not scoot his chair closer to his friend, close enough that their shoulders brushed with every little movement.</p><p>“Want another?” Priscilla’s voice shocked him out of his little bubble of love and back into reality. He startled and realized he had been mindlessly sipping on his drink for so long while he daydreamed that it was now gone.</p><p>“Sure,” he said, sliding the empty glass over to Priscilla.</p><p>“Put it on my tab,” Eskel spoke up, and Priscilla smiled.</p><p>“You got it.” She set to work while Jaskier stared at Eskel.</p><p>“What? Why?” he asked.</p><p>“Felt like being nice.” Eskel gave Jaskier’s hand another small squeeze.</p><p>Jaskier gaped at him, then puffed his chest out and turned to Priscilla. “Then put Eskel’s drinks on <em>my</em> tab!” he declared.</p><p>“…You want me to put Eskel’s water, which is free, on your tab?” Priscilla asked while Eskel chuckled beside him.</p><p>“What?” Jaskier pouted and realized that Eskel had, in fact, a glass of ice water in front of him. “Well that’s not fair.”</p><p>“I’m driving with precious cargo,” Eskel explained. He still hadn’t pulled his hand away from Jaskier.</p><p>“Lil’ Bleater is with you?”</p><p>“No, she’s back at home.”</p><p>“Then what’s the precious cargo?”</p><p>“You, of course.”</p><p>The way Eskel said it so casually made Jaskier <em>choke</em>, and he was thankful that it was at that moment Priscilla slid a new drink in front of him. It gave him something to focus on instead of how sweaty his palm was surely getting by now, and the burning he could feel in his cheeks.</p><p>“Want to leave after this drink?” Eskel offered, as if he hadn’t just knocked Jaskier completely off kilter with just a few words. “It’s getting late.”</p><p>“Sure,” Jaskier mumbled.</p><p>Eskel finally let go of his hand, much to his disappointment, so he could hand Priscilla his card as well as a sizable tip. Jaskier wondered if it was only the drink to be blamed for his head spinning. He really shouldn’t drink around Eskel anymore, but he didn’t want to waste a drink. Especially when it was on Eskel’s tab. So he downed the rest of the drink as fast as he could, which was surely a mistake, but that was a problem for him to deal with later.</p><p>As soon as Eskel got his card back and signed the receipt, Jaskier surged up out of his chair. “Let’s go,” he insisted. Eskel laughed and stood as well, though a bit slower.</p><p>“What’s got you so eager?” he asked.</p><p>“I haven’t seen you in forever,” Jaskier reasoned. “Can’t I be excited about spending time with my best friend?”</p><p>“You just want to see Lil’ Bleater.”</p><p>“That too.”</p><p>Eskel grabbed his hand again, and Jaskier had to grip the strap of his guitar case with his free hand to try to think about something else. “Let’s go,” Eskel said, and led Jaskier towards the exit. Jaskier gave a pleading look to Priscilla, who only smiled and waved at him as she mouthed “Have fun” to him. Traitor.</p><p>The car ride passed by in a blur for Jaskier. He knew that he and Eskel talked about something, but it wasn’t anything important. Just small talk, Jaskier musing about how fat Pancake was getting, Eskel mentioning that Lil’ Bleater looked so eager every time he got his driving shoes on to go somewhere but then was so dejected when he got back because he didn’t take her. Jaskier had vague memories of jokingly calling him an awful person for that, though he was too distracted by running his fingers over the handwoven bracelets that sat on his wrist.</p><p>“Hey, Earth to Jaskier,” Eskel said with a light tap to Jaskier’s shoulder, shocking him out of his musings. “We’re here.”</p><p>Jaskier jolted a bit and looked up, and sure enough they were at Eskel’s house already. “Ah. Sorry.” He grabbed his guitar case and hopped out of the truck, feeling like the entire world was tilted and he didn’t even know if it was the alcohol to blame.</p><p>“You really like those bracelets don’t you?” Eskel asked as he led the way to the front door to unlock it and lead Jaskier inside.</p><p>“They’re <em>perfect</em>,” Jaskier said, admiring the way they slid along his wrists when he held his arm up to admire them. “Handmade gifts are always better, and to be told my secret admirer loves me even though you and Priscilla so rudely conspired against me? It’s the best.”</p><p>Eskel laughed at that. “Sorry. Here.”</p><p>Jaskier found a glass of water shoved into his hands, and he smiled. “Look at you, caring about me,” he said, and sipped at the water. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Of course. The guest room is still as you left it, Lambert and Geralt have been forced to sleep on the couch or floor when they come over and Lil’ Bleater knows better than to get in there and cause havoc.” Eskel patted his shoulder, and Jaskier nearly collapsed under the weight of his emotions right then and there. “It’s practically your room now.”</p><p>Jaskier laughed weakly. “Are you sure you don’t want me taking some of my stuff back? I don’t even pay you rent.”</p><p>“I’m sure. It’s good to have you able to come over whenever,” Eskel assured him. There was a clatter of hoofbeats and Eskel laughed as Lil’ Bleater came charging out, slowing down just before she got to Eskel so that her headbutt to his legs didn’t hurt. “Well hello there princess, what took you so long to greet me?” he cooed, leaning down to scoop her up. “I hope you weren’t getting into trouble.”</p><p>“She’s always innocent, no trouble at all. Isn’t that right?” Jaskier said, and he set the bag of tea down on Eskel’s table so he could pet Lil’ Bleater.</p><p>Eskel smiled and looked at Jaskier. “Finish your water and get to bed. I’m sure she’ll want to spend the night in your room with you.”</p><p>Jaskier had to take a long drink of water to keep himself from saying that he’d rather have Eskel spend the night in his room. “In the morning I’ll have to meet this grumpy old goat that you’ve got. I bet I can win him over.”</p><p>“I don’t know about that, he doesn’t like anyone.”</p><p>“Watch me, I’ll win him over in no time. No treats required.” Jaskier finished the last of his water and set the cup in the sink. “Sure you don’t want to watch something for a bit? Just to relax and wind down?”</p><p>“You can if you want, I’m exhausted. I get up early, you know that,” Eskel pointed out as he set Lil’ Bleater back down on the floor. “I’m heading to bed.”</p><p>“Alright, then I will too.” Jaskier followed Eskel through the house, setting his guitar case down in the living room along the way before he followed Eskel into the bathroom.</p><p>They took turns with their routine as they always did. Eskel brushed his teeth while Jaskier wiped down his face to get his makeup off— the lighting in the bar wasn’t great but he still had to make sure his skin was flawless for performing— then Jaskier brushed his teeth and finished up with a skin cleanser on his face while Eskel cleaned up the bit of stubble that had grown from the day.</p><p>“You should try growing a beard sometime,” Jaskier suggested as he wiped off his face with a washcloth. “I bet you’d look good with it.”</p><p>“Already tried that,” Eskel replied as he washed off the lingering traces of shaving cream. “It grows in patchy from the scars and it’s scratchy. Not good at all.”</p><p>“Well that’s your opinion, maybe I should be the judge of that.” Jaskier grinned and flicked his finger lightly over a small patch of stubble under the corner of Eskel’s jaw. “You missed a spot,” he teased.</p><p>Eskel paused and tilted his head up. “Damn, so I did.” He grabbed his razor again and tried to carefully shave off the missed spot of stubble, but hissed and winced.</p><p>“Let me see,” Jaskier insisted, already able to see the small nick welling up with blood. He tutted and grabbed the washcloth he had used to wash off his face, and wet a dry corner to wipe away the blood. “This is why you don’t rush even a small spot.”</p><p>“It’s not that big of a deal,” Eskel tried to argue, but Jaskier was having none of it. Within a moment he had the first aid kit procured from where it was beneath the sink, and was digging around in it.</p><p>“Why don’t you have any small bandages?” he asked with a pout.</p><p>“Because you keep using them for small things like this. It doesn’t need a bandage Jask.”</p><p>“Nonsense. I just have to find a small enough— a-ha!” Jaskier held up the box of kids’ bandages that Lambert had given Eskel as a joke. “These should be small enough.”</p><p>“I really don’t—”</p><p>“Suck up your pride for two minutes, it’ll be fine.” Jaskier got the small tube of cream out and dabbed it gently over the wound, then pulled out the first bandage he found and unwrapped it. “And you get…Hello Kitty to help you heal.” He stuck the bandage over the slight wound. Before he could stop himself, he leaned up and pressed a small kiss to the bandage. “And a kiss to take away the pain.”</p><p>“It didn’t hurt,” Eskel said, his voice strained.</p><p>Jaskier froze, the realization finally catching up to him. “Well. Now it definitely won’t,” he reasoned, and cleared his throat. “Come on, off to bed now.”</p><p>“Okay. Good night Jask,” Eskel mumbled as he shuffled out of the bathroom, with Jaskier following.</p><p>“Good night. Sleep well, try not to sleep on that side,” Jaskier advised before slipping into the guest room. He wheezed out a breath and clutched a hand over his heart. Why did he do that? He could have just left it at putting the bandage on, nothing more.</p><p>With a heavy sigh he set on changing into his sleep clothes, which were a shirt he stole from Eskel and a pair of shorts. He plugged his phone into the phone charger that stayed permanently plugged into the outlet next to the bed and slipped into bed, which was still unmade as he left it last time he stayed over. He distracted himself with playing puzzle games on his phone to keep from replaying the scene in his head and dying of embarrassment. He was supposed to be getting over Eskel, not make unwanted advances on him. Yet it was hard to keep from small gestures like that. He did it for Priscilla after all, always kissing her wounds after they were cleaned and bandaged up, but it felt different with Eskel.</p><p>He tried not to think about it too hard.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>jaskiers braincell is working so hard you guys</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaskier was rudely awakened by the curtains being yanked back and bright sunlight streaming in that was far too loud. He grumbled and shuffled under the blankets to block it out, only to get a small laugh.</p><p>“Hey, don’t go back to sleep. Breakfast’s gettin’ cold,” Eskel said, his low voice instantly soothing Jaskier’s anger at being woken up so early.</p><p>“What’s for breakfast?” Jaskier mumbled, still not budging from his safe haven of blankets.</p><p>“Get up and find out. This tray’s heavy.”</p><p>Tray? That made Jaskier lift up the corner of the blankets long enough to peek out, and finally he was assaulted with a delicious smell of fresh breakfast. He covered his eyes with his hand so he could sit up, slowly letting his eyes get adjusted to the light. The tray was set in his lap carefully, and he looked down with a bright smile once he took his hand away from his eyes. A couple of fried eggs that he knew were already made to perfection how he liked, a couple thick pieces of toast with just enough strawberry jam— though “normal people” would call it too much— slathered on top, a small bowl of apple slices that surely came from the few trees in Eskel’s yard, and a hot cup of tea from the collection Jaskier had kept stocked up in Eskel’s cabinet.</p><p>“Oh you’re the <em>best</em>,” he mumbled, and wasted no time on getting started with taking small, polite bites of food. He paused in his careful cutting up of eggs just long enough to pat the edge of the bed to make Eskel sit down with him. “Everything tastes heavenly as always. Here.” He tore one of the pieces of toast in half and held out one half to Eskel.</p><p>Eskel laughed softly and held a hand up. “I already ate,” he tried to reason, but Jaskier would not be swayed.</p><p>“And when did you eat?” Jaskier fired back, shoving the half of toast at him more. “Eat the damn toast.”</p><p>Eskel grinned and took the half to munch on it, trying his best to not get crumbs on the bed. “It was only three hours ago. But thank you.”</p><p>“Thank <em>you</em> for being a wonderful friend and making me breakfast in bed,” Jaskier cooed. “So when do I get to meet this grumpy old goat you’ve taken in?”</p><p>“After you finish your breakfast, if you still want to,” Eskel assured him. “But I have to warn you, he’s in a foul mood today. Tried knocking me over twice.”</p><p>“I bet I can win him over,” Jaskier scoffed. “I’ve told you, I’m a real animal whisperer. They love me.”</p><p>“If you insist.” Eskel stood and wiped his hands on his jeans. “I’ll be in the kitchen waiting.”</p><p>“Alright.” Jaskier waited until Eskel closed the door firmly behind himself, then gave up all pretenses of trying to eat politely. He was starving, and Eskel always cooked the best food. He scarfed down the eggs, shoveling them into his mouth with yolk dripping back down onto the plate. He licked the strawberry jam off of the toast so he could scoop up the rest of the egg yolk with the toast, then licked off his fingers and set on the apple slices. Thankfully Eskel knew of his huge appetite and prepared enough food for him, and a pleasant mint tea to finish it all off.</p><p>Jaskier would have swooned if he was standing up. Eskel had learned to know exactly what he liked, and how he liked it. <em>And</em> he was served it while being able to stay comfortable in bed. Once again, his mind wandered to wondering about whether he’d get such a deep understanding and affection from his secret admirer, and once again, he scoffed. It was impossible to beat Eskel’s kindness. But maybe that was his bias talking. Maybe one day he’d be able to repay the kindness, make Eskel breakfast in bed sometime.</p><p>That would require being up well before Eskel however. And he knew how early Eskel liked to wake up so he could take care of the farm work before it got too hot. His shoulders slumped a bit at that and he finished his tea. Oh well, a time would come soon enough surely.</p><p>He shuffled out of the room with the tray stacked with the empty dishes. Eskel was waiting at the table, typing something on his phone. “Texting someone?”</p><p>Eskel looked up and smiled. “Yeah, Geralt was asking me about something. It can wait though.” He stood and shoved his phone back in his pocket to take the tray from Jaskier and empty the dishes in the sink. “I’ll deal with those later. Let’s go.”</p><p>“No, <em>I’ll</em> take care of them later. Have to earn my right to stay here somehow,” Jaskier joked. “You already did so much to make breakfast, it’s only right I do the cleanup.”</p><p>“I won’t argue with that,” Eskel agreed as he led Jaskier outside.</p><p>Jaskier bounced a little in excitement at being able to meet this mean old goat. “So what’s this goat’s name?” he asked. “I have to know his name so I can greet him properly.”</p><p>“Ernie. Not by my choice of course, that was the name he came with.” Eskel led him to where all of the goats were playing around with one another. Some of the younger ones immediately gathered to the fence, their stubby little tails waggling with anticipation of getting treats.</p><p>“Sorry guys, I don’t have anything for you,” Jaskier said with a small laugh.</p><p>“He’s off to the side there,” Eskel said, pointing out the shaggy old goat that was simply content to bask in the sun.</p><p>“Aww. He looks so lonely, maybe that’s why he’s mean,” Jaskier cooed. “I’m sure he just needs a friend.” He walked around the fence to come face to face with Ernie, who barely glanced his way. He crouched down, his arms on his knees. “Hey Ernie.”</p><p>The old goat finally looked up at him, chewing on…something. Jaskier wasn’t really sure what, and he wasn’t about to pry a goat’s mouth open.</p><p>“Eskel told me you’re mean,” he whispered, as if sharing a secret. The goat didn’t respond. “But you know what I think? I think you’re just lonely. Can I pet you?” The goat kept staring at him and chewing, which Jaskier took as a yes. He stood and reached over the fence so he could rub the top of Ernie’s head, between the two impressive horns. Ernie stood up to press up into the pets, and Jaskier laughed.</p><p>“I told you!” he called over to his friend. Eskel was simply leaning against the fence, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched them.</p><p>Jaskier climbed over the fence carefully, nearly tripping and landing on his face, but he managed to right himself before getting a mouthful of dirt and grass. Ernie immediately walked closer, and Jaskier crouched down again to hug him with a small laugh. He needed a shower anyways.</p><p>“Aww, you aren’t mean at all! You just needed someone who wanted to be your friend, didn’t you?” he cooed as he rubbed the top of Ernie’s head. “Yes I bet that’s it, it’s scary being in a new place isn’t it? But don’t worry, Eskel’s super nice. He takes care of all of his animals here very well. Including you. Yes you’re going to have a lovely rest of your life here, I promise.” He looked up at the sound of footfalls and grinned up at Eskel. “I told you, I have a way with animals.”</p><p>Eskel smiled, the fence creaking a bit under his weight as he leaned forward to better watch the two interact. “Yep, you sure showed me.”</p><p>Jaskier laughed as Ernie bumped his head into him. “You’re a good boy, aren’t you? Yes you are,” he cooed as he kept petting Ernie. He looked up to see Eskel still staring, watching them as if he never wanted to leave that spot. “Do you want to take a picture? I’m sure it’ll be good proof for uh— if anyone doubts that he’s friendly.”</p><p>Eskel straightened up, his eyes lighting up. “Can I?”</p><p>“Sure.” Jaskier went back to petting Ernie, who was leaning more and more against Jaskier. He laughed and had to brace himself from toppling over. He spared a glance back at Eskel once more to see Eskel holding his phone, pointing it at them and tapping to take a few different pictures.</p><p>“Okay, time to go. I have dishes to do and a bed to return to.” He gently moved Ernie away so he could stand again, earning him an annoyed huff as the old goat wandered off. Jaskier stepped back over the fence, though he had forgotten to be careful and lift his foot up extra high, and ended up tripping again.</p><p>He <em>would</em> have righted himself of course, but before he could regain his balance a firm chest was there and the secure grip of two thick arms wrapped around him.</p><p>“Careful,” Eskel said with a deep, rumbling laugh that nearly made Jaskier turn into jelly.</p><p>“Thanks,” he choked out as he stood up and pulled away from the warm chest that <em>really</em> did not smell too appealing— Eskel was sweaty and smelled like hay and goats and gods knew what else— but still made him want to drop to his knees anyways. Through sheer power of will, he stayed standing. “Can you take me back to the bar tonight? I need to perform.”</p><p>“Of course, but I can’t stay to watch.” Eskel rubbed over the scars on his cheek, a guilty grimace pulling at his features. “I want to, but..I have a lot to do.”</p><p>“I understand,” Jaskier assured him with a pat to his chest. “Maybe some other time.”</p><p>“Of course.” The way Eskel’s lips curled up in a small smile made Jaskier’s heart skip a beat or three. “Now go back inside, before you get burned.”</p><p>“Fine, fine,” Jaskier agreed, his feet dragging a bit as he trudged back into the house. He was still so tired, even with the joy of getting breakfast in bed and proving that he was, in fact, a true animal whisperer that could get along with the meanest of animals. So he hopped in the shower to try to scrub off the worst of the goat smell that had rubbed off on him. He was in and out fast enough that steam didn’t get a chance to fog up the mirror.</p><p>A quick trip back to his room— the guest room— while wrapped up in a towel and he was in a new change of sleep clothes. Another shirt he “borrowed” from Eskel, and a pair of shorts. He remembered the dishes he promised to do, and he groaned to try to drown out the siren’s call of the bed. He needed to do the dishes first, or else Eskel would clean up while Jaskier was asleep. That bastard.</p><p>Except when he shuffled out to the kitchen, the sound of the sink already running snapped him awake. “You said you had a lot to do!” he accused at Eskel’s back, and Eskel looked over his shoulder with a cheeky grin.</p><p>“Needed to come inside for a break from the sun,” Eskel reasoned, though he was shouldered out of the way a moment later by Jaskier.</p><p>“These are <em>my</em> dishes! Go back to the animals,” Jaskier huffed, his glare not letting up until Eskel finally stepped away with his hands up in defeat.</p><p>“Alright, I’ll go back out. I should have known better than to try to pull a fast one on you.” Eskel grinned as he headed for the front door.</p><p>“You’re damn right,” Jaskier fired back without looking up from the dishes. “Remember to take water breaks.”</p><p>“I will,” Eskel promised, though he was already halfway out the door. Jaskier wondered if he even heard what he said, but shrugged it off. He’d find out soon enough if Eskel listened to his advice or not. In the meantime, he focused on washing all of the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. At least Eskel didn’t get too much of a head start on doing the dishes for him.</p><p>His shoulders slumped as he caught himself, once again, wondering if his secret admirer would be as sweet as Eskel. He needed to stop comparing the two so much. Maybe if he were to finally meet his secret admirer, then this would stop. His secret admirer would stop being some unknown person that he projected as whatever he wanted them to be. It just so happened that most of his projections were similar to Eskel, because that was all he knew. But once he met his secret admirer, he would be able to get to know them and fall in love with them for who <em>they</em> were, not who they could be compared to how Eskel is.</p><p>It seemed like a sound enough plan to him.</p><p>The only problem was figuring out how to meet his secret admirer. That was the most important step of the “get over his crush on Eskel” plan, yet he was still coming up blank on how he could finally find out the identity of his secret admirer.</p><p>As he washed the dishes, then crawled into bed to catch up on more sleep that he’d need for performing that night, he devised a plan. A plan so foolproof, it would certainly work. He would be able to finally meet his secret admirer and be swept off his feet.</p><hr/><p>Jaskier strode into the bar that night with his guitar case slung over his shoulder and a beaming smile on his face. It was time to set his foolproof plan into action. He strode up to the bar, putting on his most confident strut. He leaned on the bar to turn his grin on Priscilla.</p><p>Priscilla held up her hand before Jaskier even opened his mouth to speak. “Still not telling.”</p><p>Jaskier cursed and threw his hands up into the air. “Oh <em>come on</em>! I had a plan and everything! It was <em>perfect</em>.”</p><p>“And what was this plan?”</p><p>“I was going to tell you I already knew who my secret admirer was, and then you’d say something like ‘Really? So Jimmy finally came up and confessed?’ and I’d say ‘No! You just told me!’ and give an evil laugh while you cursed my cleverness, and <em>then</em> I’d go find out who Jimmy was and get swept off my feet and completely get over my crush on Eskel.”</p><p>“Jimmy?” Priscilla repeated with a poorly-hidden snicker behind her hand. “Who the hell is Jimmy?”</p><p>“I don’t know, that was the first name that came to mind. But thank you for clarifying that Jimmy is not the name of my secret admirer,” Jaskier boasted.</p><p>“Yes, you have it completely narrowed down now,” Priscilla teased.</p><p>“I do. You might as well tell me.”</p><p>“But if you have it all figured out, then surely you don’t need me to state the obvious.”</p><p>“Well maybe I do. So that I know I do, in fact, have it all figured out.”</p><p>“No, I’m sure you’re right. Whoever this Jimmy guy is, that’s definitely your secret admirer.” Priscilla teased and snapped a towel at him. “Now go sing for Jimmy. And for Geralt, you know he doesn’t like it when you don’t start on time.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” Jaskier grumbled and turned to shuffle up to the stage. Time to come up with a new foolproof plan, then.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bar was a bit more quiet than usual. Not that it was ever very busy on the weekdays this late. Jaskier sang as he always did, but his heart just wasn’t in it. Of course he stuck around anyways, until the end of Priscilla’s shift. He could tell his friend enjoyed the company, and if it could help her be a bit more ease at work he’d stay until the sun rose. He had seen firsthand how awful people could be to Priscilla, especially when she was handling the bar alone that night, and he may not be the best in a fight but he could at least get a few punches in if it came to blows.</p><p>After what he deemed a suitable amount of singing for one stretch, Jaskier stepped off the small stage. His shoulders hunched as he slung his guitar back over his shoulder and headed up to the bar. Priscilla had a glass of water ready for him.</p><p>“Throat not feeling well?” she asked.</p><p>Jaskier grimaced and shook his head. “Can’t get into it tonight. It’s…I don’t know. I want all of this over.” He tangled his fingers in his hair with his elbows on the table. “I hate being tugged around like this. I don’t know if I love Eskel, or my secret admirer, or both, or neither, I don’t even <em>know</em> this secret admirer.” He let his arms flop onto the bar as he sipped morosely at his water.</p><p>“Oh,” Priscilla mumbled, her brow furrowing. She sighed and covered one of Jaskier’s hands with her own. “If the guy comes back in, I’ll tell him to buck up and confess to you already, okay? If he still refuses to, I’ll tell you myself.”</p><p>“What happened to ‘not being good at remembering faces’,” Jaskier retorted with a wry smile, then flinched. “Sorry. That was mean. I didn’t—”</p><p>“No, you’re right. This hasn’t been fair to you,” Priscilla agreed. “I didn’t think the guy would be such a coward about this. And you’re still my best friend. I didn’t know it was hurting you that badly, I’m sorry.” Someone down the bar cleared their throat loudly, and Priscilla glanced over before her gaze went back to Jaskier. “I’ll be back in a minute.”</p><p>She left, leaving Jaskier alone with his thoughts. He plucked loosely at the bracelets. Knowing that Priscilla was on his side now, that helped a little. He smiled a bit, sitting in silence with his thoughts while Priscilla helped the impatient patron, as well as others that came up as she was making the first guy’s drink.</p><p>Finally she returned once everyone was happy and sated for now. “Sorry about that.”</p><p>“How dare you actually work,” Jaskier teased.</p><p>“Well clearly you’re feeling better already,” Priscilla fired back with a grin. “That excited to meet your secret admirer?”</p><p>Jaskier pursed his lips as he thought. “I— guess so. But…you’re a good friend. Even if you’re a bitch sometimes.”</p><p>“Aw thank you, I enjoy being a bitch sometimes to you,” Priscilla teased. “Someone has to keep you humble.”</p><p>Jaskier managed a shaky smile. “Think Geralt will mind if I don’t sing any more tonight? I’m still not feeling up for it.”</p><p>“I’ll kick his ass myself if he tries to give you troubles.” Priscilla patted Jaskier’s hand. “Go put your guitar in the back. Are you heading home early?”</p><p>“No, I’ll keep you company here. It’s quiet.”</p><p>It was true, the bar was a bit more quiet than usual. Not that it was ever very busy on the weekdays this late. He could tell Priscilla enjoyed the company, and if it could help her be a bit more ease at work he’d stay until the sun rose if he had to.</p><p>“Alright, but no more distracting me from other customers,” Priscilla said with a menacing wave of her pen.</p><p>“Fine,” Jaskier relented with a grin. They both knew Jaskier would distract Priscilla, both on accident and on purpose, several more times that night. It made Priscilla’s work day a little easier.</p><p>After unceremoniously putting his guitar in the back— he would put it in the case proper later— he went back to the main room to stay at the bar. He really did try to be on his best behavior, however it was much too fun to tease Priscilla and banter back and forth with her. Even if it made the other patrons of the bar upset for having to wait an extra ten seconds to get their alcohol.</p><p>Priscilla and Jaskier were both relieved when the time for calling for last drinks came, especially when not that many people came up to the bar to get just one last drink. Jaskier even got up and excused himself to the restroom to give Priscilla the space to work and do her job as great as she always did. It gave him time to pack up and tidy up all of their belongings so they could leave right when Priscilla locked the doors and clocked out.</p><p>His gaze fell upon the cornflower sticker that had been on his guitar case for forever and smiled. The giddy feeling of finally being able to meet his secret admirer came rushing back, and he bounced a little. Priscilla was going to tell him, or his secret admirer would. Regardless, he would find out.</p><p>Jaskier’s smile fell at the realization that he didn’t figure it out on his own. There had to be some way for him to find out himself, right? Maybe he should have put on a disguise when he camped out the bar. Then his secret admirer wouldn’t have seen him and he would have been able to get this all over with right there. He wasn’t a religious person these days, but he had a brief thought of praying to whatever higher power might be listening that he found his secret admirer quickly. He wondered if praying to an ancient god would make it better.</p><p>He laughed a bit to himself. Perhaps even an ancient god of yore would side with him on this, guide him to his secret admirer. Perhaps possess his secret admirer to <em>finally</em> step forward and confess. Would that mean he’d have to make an animal sacrifice? He pursed his lips. He didn’t particularly like the idea of having to slit an animals throat to get to his secret admirer, the ordeal would be incredibly messy, but he was nearly at that point of desperation.</p><p>Maybe an offering of wine then? He wondered how that worked. Did he have to pour it outside into the dirt, or would the sink work? By that logic, if he conveniently poured the wine out of the bottle into his mouth, would it still count as an offering? He could be ritualistically drinking the wine for the ancient god of yore. That seemed like a good plan. He was sure the ancient god of yore, whoever it may be, wouldn’t mind.</p><p>He stood and leaned back to crack his back. He was getting too old for this shit. He was only in his mid-twenties, but still. Too old. He rubbed his eyes and paused as his eyes fell upon the back office camera that sat innocently in the corner. There was a computer in the break room. The computer was hooked up to all of the cameras around the bar. One of those cameras was right behind the bar to catch the face of all patrons in case they had to catch the features of a criminal.</p><p>Or in his case, a secret admirer.</p><p>That was all of the motivation he needed before he was tearing through the back office, through the kitchen, and into the break room. Sure enough, the cameras were up and running. He grinned. This was it. He could find out now. He grabbed the mouse to start the playback. No more beating around the bush, no more shy gifts with no face to put them to, no—</p><p>A box asking for the password popped up.</p><p>“Oh come on!” he growled, pulling at his hair in frustration. That frustration quickly dissipated though. Geralt managed the hotel, and kept the accounts. Jaskier entered in Roach4.</p><p>The playback feed started, and he let out a shout of joy. He <em>really</em> needed to ritualistically drink the best bottle of wine for that ancient god of yore now for making his friend be so predictable. He bounced on his heels as he rewound the camera feed. It wouldn’t be that far back, would it? Just yesterday, with the bracelets. The box was flashy enough, it should be easy to spot it being handed over to Priscilla. He found the start of Priscilla’s shift on the feed and started fastforwarding through it.</p><p>“Boring, boring, disgusting,” he rattled off as figures flicked up to the bar and left, the sparkly silver box not making an appearance yet. He frowned, wondering if it had been dropped off with Geralt. Yet just as he was about to go back to the start of that day, a flash of silver appeared on the screen for a split second.</p><p>“No, no, go back!” he said, frantically rewinding. He turned the speed to normal and watched, his face inches from the screen. But even with what he saw in real time, he couldn’t believe it. He went back once more and made it go slower so he could pause right as the box was being handed over by…Eskel.</p><p>His shoulders slumped. He should have had more faith in his friends. Just because he got something personal didn’t mean they were conspiring against him. But then again, Priscilla was the one to say it was from his secret admirer. They must have felt bad for him, with not hearing from his secret admirer in a while. He’d have to tell Priscilla that he knew now, and that she didn’t have to keep getting his hopes up.</p><p>Well, he could at least check the earlier feeds. The cameras on this computer he knew went back up to sixty days, so he set it to automatically rewind and sat back and watched.</p><p>Flashes and moments came up of Eskel coming in and paying whoever helped him at the bar with his card, then immediately leaving again. That was odd, but didn’t prove anything. Maybe Eskel just helped out with expenses when things got too tight. Maybe he just needed to wait, go a bit further back.</p><p>He could at least see the teddy bear being brought in. That would be impossible to miss, and it wouldn’t have been something his friends gave as a pity present. Giant stuffed bears were far too expensive for some scraps of pity over someone infatuated with Jaskier that he didn’t even know. Yet as he watched the giant stuffed bear be carried in, he went back once more and zoomed in to get a better idea of the face that matched the strong arms carrying the teddy bear through the back door before setting it down.</p><p>It was Eskel again.</p><p>Now this was getting confusing. He tried to push down the small bubble of hope in his chest. Surely Eskel wasn’t his secret admirer. Yet…</p><p>
  <em>’I...think that's a dog?’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Probably a goat, more like.'</em>
</p><p>Thinking back on it, the teddy bear really did smell a lot like Lil’ Bleater. But surely that wasn’t it. Even though his heart skipped a beat at the thought, Jaskier didn’t let his hopes get up. Eskel already made it clear he didn’t feel the same way. Right?</p><p>He went back further. He found the part where he had received the lovely glass of wine, and rewound to the start of that day. Again, Eskel came up to the bar, yet he paused and glanced around to scan the rest of the bar. He must have found what he was looking for, because he turned back to Priscilla and handed her his card. She tilted her head at him, Jaskier only able to see half of her furrowed brow and pursed lips. Eskel waved something she said off.</p><p>
  <em>’I was told ‘whatever his favorite is, no matter the cost’. I told him your favorite was this wine, but it was expensive. He said it was okay.’</em>
</p><p>Jaskier watched in bewilderment as he came into view of the camera, and sat down to flirt with that one woman at the bar. He watched as Eskel took her place when she scurried off, and he watched as Eskel gestured to Priscilla to refill Jaskier’s glass for him.</p><p>No.</p><p>There was no way.</p><p>He desperately went back further. Eskel handed over a brightly colored sticky note, the one that Jaskier still had pinned to the cork board in his room. Surely it could be something different, right? Yellow sticky notes weren’t uncommon. But he could see the faint, blurred pixels of writing on the sticky note. That, with everything else…</p><p>The final nail in the coffin was when he next paused the playback, on the first day that this all began. The cornflower. There was no mistaking the way that Eskel handed the cornflower over to Priscilla so delicately, as if it was made of glass.</p><p>Oh no.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wouldn't it be awful if i went "well i dont feel like working on this fic anymore, im going to leave it here bye"</p><p>i wont, i want to see this through, but still. the idea of me just never working on this fic again is hilarious because ive got a few friends that would absolutely hunt me down and throttle me for it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaskier stared in shock at the screen. Despite all of his confusion, his insistence that <em>it couldn’t be right</em>, the screen stayed the same. Eskel was his secret admirer from the beginning.</p><p>“Hey Jaskier are you jerking off back here or what let’s—” Priscilla started as she walked in, but stopped in her tracks when Jaskier slowly turned to look at her over his shoulder, and the screen was paused on the very clear shot of Eskel giving her the first flower that started this all.</p><p>“You <em>knew</em>,” Jaskier accused, betrayal in his voice. “You knew, and you didn’t tell me sooner?!”</p><p>Just like that Priscilla took off to sprint through the back hall back into the main area of the bar while Jaskier chased after her. She dodged and weaved through the tables with their chairs already set on top.</p><p>“Get back here!” Jaskier called. He had to turn to avoid bumping into a couple chairs as he slipped between two tables. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”</p><p>“He told me not to!” Priscilla defended.</p><p>“Well why did you listen?”</p><p>They ended up on opposite sides of a larger round table, with Jaskier making small feints to try to get Priscilla to dash the other way while Priscilla circled with him to keep the same amount of distance between them. They both gasped for breath, and Jaskier leaned on the table a bit to try to get some energy back.</p><p>“At first I thought you were going to figure it out on your own,” Priscilla reasoned. “But then we had a bet going.”</p><p>That only made Jaskier more confused. “What? A bet?”</p><p>“Yeah. Geralt and I, that night that you took us out for ice cream? After that we made a bet on which one of you would confess first.” Priscilla took a deep breath and sighed it out to continue. “<em>I</em> bet that you’d confess your love to Eskel before he told you he was your secret admirer. Geralt said that you wouldn’t do it, and Eskel would have to tell you first. Lambert got in on it, saying that one of you would have to be told first by someone else.” She grimaced and crossed her arms. “Damn. Guess that means I owe Lambert a fiver.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t tell me…” Jaskier slowly processed this. “You let me <em>pine</em> so much I put a forest to shame when I could have been getting dicked down by my crush….for <em>five pounds?!</em>”</p><p>“Technically it was for ten,” Priscilla corrected.</p><p>“You—!” And the chase resumed. Priscilla turned tail and managed to get a few tables between her and Jaskier.</p><p>“You owe me for emotional damages!” Jaskier called out. He tried to take as many shortcuts as he could to get to her, even trying to vault himself over the middle of a table. Yet it wasn’t the most graceful, and he ended up simply clambering over the table far too clumsily to look cool.</p><p>“Hey, I just washed those. Keep your gross feet off of them,” Priscilla chided.</p><p>“Ugh, fine. Break,” Jaskier said, doubling over and wheezing. “I’m still mad at you.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Priscilla said. “Come on, you can tell me how mad you are at me on the way home.”</p><p>They went into the back again so that Jaskier could grab his guitar and Priscilla could grab her bag and coat. Jaskier’s mind was still racing with all of the questions it brought up.</p><p>“So Eskel’s in love with me,” he said. Saying it out loud didn’t make him believe it anymore.</p><p>“Hopelessly.”</p><p>“How am I— what—”</p><p>Priscilla’s hand clapped on his shoulder as they left the bar. “Don’t think too hard about it.”</p><p>Jaskier felt at a loss for words. “What..what am I supposed to do now?”</p><p>“Tell him, obviously. Not too late to get that dicking down.”</p><p>Jaskier gave Priscilla a small shove. “Yeah but how? Do I just go up to him and say ‘hello Eskel, I know you’re the one that’s been giving me sweet gifts and buying me drinks for the past two months, and I’m stupidly in love with you’.”</p><p>“You could.”</p><p>“No I couldn’t. That— I’ll come up with something.” Jaskier ran his fingers through his hair. He was silent the entire rest of the way home as his thought spiraled.</p><p>Without even realizing it, they had arrived back home. Priscilla led the way up the stairs to their door. “Well, I’ll tell you he has something planned for you coming up.”</p><p>“He does?” Jaskier chased up after her on the stairs, not wanting to miss a single word she might say on it. “What is it?”</p><p>“Pretty damn nice notebook. Leather bound, embossed and everything,” Priscilla admitted in a hushed tone as they went inside their flat. “He’ll probably be there too, said he couldn’t wait to see the look on your face when you get it.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jaskier breathed, clasping his hands tight and bouncing in place. “That’s so romantic. Priscilla catch me, I’m swooning!” He caught himself on the edge of a table with a wide grin. “I’ll have a better gift ready for him then. What should I get him?”</p><p>Priscilla tapped her finger over her lips for a moment as she hummed in thought. “I don’t know, I think there’s a better way you could go about this. Just giving him a gift back, that’s kind of plain don’t you think?”</p><p>“That’s true,” Jaskier agreed. “But what, then?”</p><p>“I bet we can think of something.” Priscilla plopped down onto the couch and patted the spot next to her. “Come on, let’s get some evil plotting done.”</p><p>Jaskier sat down next to her and pulled his phone out to get a note up. He grinned, already excited for what they could possibly come up with together now that he knew. “Alright, so what do you suggest?”</p><hr/><p>They had all of the pieces now to formulate a complex plan, one that would have Eskel swooning and being wooed by Jaskier after so long of it being the other way around. They planned out everything, even down to the songs Jaskier would play that night and the drinks he would get. By the time they retired to their bedrooms, dawn was just about to break. Jaskier thought briefly about how it meant Eskel would be waking up for work soon enough.</p><p>Despite his excitement, he found it easy enough to fall asleep, and he slept until Priscilla came in that afternoon to tell him she had successfully employed Geralt and Lambert’s help on their plan.</p><p>“Apparently they’re just as eager to get you two to stop dancing around each other,” she explained. She took hold of Jaskier’s arm and tugged a bit to try to pull him up. “Come on, we need to get everything.”</p><p>Jaskier groaned and let himself be dragged out of bed. “You’re more excited about this than I am. I’m the one confessing to my crush, you know.”</p><p>“Oh please, I know you’re going to be running around in the stores,” Priscilla said. “I’m ready when you are.”</p><p>She had turned out to be right, of course. Jaskier was the one pulling her around through every shop to get everything they’d need. It wasn’t really that much, but Jaskier kept getting more and more ideas for later that he would type down in his phone notes. Thankfully enough was within walking distance to their home, and they were able to take a few trips to get things to exactly how they wanted.</p><p>Once all of the supplies were obtained and placed in the living room to be set up later, it was time to start. Yet Jaskier felt nerves welling up in him once again. Butterflies battered against his stomach, chest, fingers, everywhere in his body thrummed with them, but all he could do was sit on the couch and stare into nothing as he ran over everything again.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he said, for the thousandth time that day. “Can’t we start tomorrow?”</p><p>Priscilla tugged on Jaskier’s arm to pull him towards the door of their flat. “No, I already told the plan to Geralt and Lambert. Now come on, let’s go.”</p><p>When they got to the bar, Geralt and Lambert were both waiting there. Lambert cheered as they walked in.</p><p>“There he is!” he said and upon seeing the way Jaskier’s hands shook a bit as he sat down, he cackled. “You’re not ready, are you?”</p><p>“Not at all,” Jaskier admitted with a nervous chuckle. “What if he doesn’t actually— what if he turns me down?”</p><p>“No way in hell,” Lambert assured him with a heavy clap to his shoulder. He pulled out his phone and pulled up a text conversation. He shoved the phone in Jaskier’s face, and Jaskier squinted at the screen. The top indicated the conversation was with Eskel and Geralt, though it was less of a conversation and more like Eskel was just talking to himself.</p><p>
  <em>Do you think he’d like flowers on this or music notes?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe I should get both?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if he doesn’t like it? Should I get something as a backup gift?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He loved Ernie by the way.</em>
</p><p>There was a photo attached of Jaskier cuddling Ernie.</p><p>
  <em>I feel bad for lying to him. Should I have lied to him? He was so happy that Ernie cuddled him even though I said he was mean but what if he finds out?</em>
</p><p>“Ernie’s not mean?” Jaskier asked, furrowing his brow.</p><p>“Nope.” Lambert stuck his phone back in his pocket. “Nicest damn goat I’ve seen. A menace when he’s hungry, but otherwise weirdly cuddly and people friendly.”</p><p>“It was my idea,” Geralt spoke up. “To tell you he was mean.”</p><p>Jaskier perked up at hearing that. “Does that mean Roach is actually friendly and sweet too?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Damn.” Jaskier huffed and slumped in his seat a bit. “I’m still not sure though. I don’t— what if being in a relationship with him isn’t nearly the same as being friends with him? What if I find out I wasn’t actually in love with <em>him</em> but an idealized version I’ve built up over time that—”</p><p>“Stop,” Priscilla interrupted as she pinched Jaskier’s lips shut. “Don’t worry so much. It’s just starting a relationship, not like you’re tying the knot or anything.” She let go of Jaskier’s lips and dropped her key to the flat in Geralt’s hands. “Did you get the map I sent?”</p><p>“Did you really have to draw out everything?” Geralt snorted as he tucked the key in his pocket.</p><p>“Yes. Trust me, there was actual science and math put into this,” Priscilla insisted. “It <em>has</em> to be followed carefully with nothing forgotten or else it won’t have the same mindblowing effect. This is an art, and art must be executed perfectly.”</p><p>“That’s why I’m here,” Lambert assured her. “We’ll get that place looking like a goddamn masterpiece.”</p><p>“Good. Now go, no time to waste,” Priscilla urged. She shooed them towards the door, and then got started with readying for her shift. Jaskier bounced his leg on the bar stool.</p><p>“What can I do?” he asked. He already knew every detail of this plan, he knew his main job was to sit there and look pretty until Eskel came in, but he still felt restless.</p><p>Thankfully Priscilla noticed this. “Well, I was going to order coffee to be delivered, but if you’d like to go get it yourself that’d help save a bit of money.”</p><p>“On it.” Jaskier was out the door like a shot. He needed <em>something</em> to help him burn out the nerves that still coursed through him, and walking was the perfect solution for it. By the time he ended up at the coffee shop, he was somewhat cooled down. He knew Priscilla’s order by heart, and got the largest size he could for her. He also bought two muffins that looked too good to pass up and a hot chocolate for himself. Then it was just a matter of getting the bag with the muffins and the two drinks back to the bar before the drinks got too cold. Easier said than done, but he managed it.</p><p>“Oh you’re the best,” Priscilla cooed when he walked in. He had tried to be discreet about walking in with outside food, but Priscilla didn’t care and immediately made to grab for her coffee the moment Jaskier was within reach. “What’s in the bag?”</p><p>“Muffins,” Jaskier said in a hushed tone. “I’ll put them in the back.”</p><p>“You really are the best. Eskel’s going to be swept off his feet.”</p><p>Jaskier gave a sheepish grin at that. It was ridiculous, he knew he could charm most people into bed with him, yet the moment he thought of Eskel actually returning his affections, he grew nervous. “I hope so.”</p><p>“No,” Priscilla chided. “He <em>will</em>. No hoping, no doubting.” She huffed and took a sip of her drink. “Really, the man got you a teddy bear as big as you are, and you still don’t think he wants you?”</p><p>“What if he’s changed his mind?” Jaskier asked. “It’s not like him to—”</p><p>“Sh! Shhh shhhh shh.” Priscilla flapped her hands at him to get him to quiet. “I just saw his truck pass by, he’s coming!”</p><p>Jaskier startled and dashed into the back with his drink and muffins. His heart was racing a mile a minute. He knew reasonably that there wasn’t any chance of his and Priscilla’s plan going wrong, but he still had to grab a chair and sit down on it from his legs shaking too badly. How was he supposed to sing in this condition?</p><p>He settled for watching cute animal videos on his phone as he ate his muffin and drank his hot chocolate. They distracted him from his plight long enough for him to settle down enough to feel confident to go back out into the bar. He slipped out of the back room, his eyes almost immediately locking with Eskel’s. Eskel visibly brightened and straightened up, and Jaskier gave a shaky smile and wave in return. He slid into the seat beside Eskel.</p><p>“What’re you doing here so early?” Eskel asked.</p><p>“Ah. Prissy wasn’t feeling well,” Jaskier replied. Priscilla nodded in agreement. “I told her to call in, but she insisted on coming. So I’m here to make sure she doesn’t collapse.”</p><p>“I told you I’m fine,” Priscilla fired back, with a huff added in for good measure. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought she actually looked equal parts unwell and annoyed. He knew he could count on her for good acting. That’s why Geralt and Lambert were put on setup duty.</p><p>Priscilla gave Jaskier’s hand a small pat before leaving to check on the other patrons of the bar. She still had a job to do after all, even if she was acting a bit on the side for Jaskier’s sake.</p><p>“Um, so—” Eskel cleared his throat to get Jaskier’s attention, though his face was painted with nervousness. “Wanted to tell ya somethin’.”</p><p>That…was not part of the very carefully put together script. No matter, that’s what improvising was for. Jaskier put on his most innocent expression and scooted closer. “Oh? And what is that?”</p><p>“Ernie. He’s, uh. Not actually mean,” Eskel admitted. “I— Geralt told me to tell you he was mean. To make you feel special. But, I didn’t like lying to you, Jask’.”</p><p>Jaskier nearly broke right then and there. He was so weak for this man, and if everything went according to plan— which meant <em>not kissing him on the spot right now</em>— then he’d have Eskel all for himself. He realized Eskel was looking at him, hunched a bit and guilt all over his face.</p><p>“Um. Well thank you for telling me the truth,” he choked out. “Friends shouldn’t lie to each other, after all.”</p><p>Eskel smiled a bit and nodded. “Yeah.”</p><p>Jaskier decided he could push his luck a little bit. He gave Eskel a small nudge. “<em>Including</em> not lying to me about my secret admirer. Come on, out with it! Who made these darling little bracelets?” He waved his hand to show Eskel the woven bracelets that were still tied around his wrist.</p><p>“I’m under oath not to tell,” Eskel swore with a hand on his chest.</p><p><em>Sure,</em> Jaskier thought, having to hold back his laughter. “Well, they are lovely. I’ve been really careful with them. But— I had to take them off to shower, and I don’t think I tied them back on well enough. Could you redo it for me?” He batted his eyes and held out his hand.</p><p>“Of course,” Eskel said, the smile on his face so soft that Jaskier thought, once again, about breaking and just spilling everything. He hid his besotted smile behind his free hand while Eskel untied the knots on his bracelets with gentle hands and careful movements, and retied them securely around Jaskier’s wrist. He gave Jaskier’s arm a small pat when he was done.</p><p>“There. That should hold,” he declared, and moved to pull away, but Jaskier kept a hold on his hand. “Um?”</p><p>“My hands are cold,” Jaskier said as he scooted his chair closer. “I can’t have them freezing off before my performance, can I?”</p><p>Eskel laughed, that deep, rich rumbling making Jaskier turn to jelly. “You can’t.” He took both of Jaskier’s hands in his own, and even rubbed them a bit.</p><p>“Ugh, I leave you two alone for five minutes,” Priscilla said as she walked back up. “I still think you two are dating and just not telling me.”</p><p>“We aren’t,” Jaskier replied confidently. “We’re just friends. Right?” He looked at Eskel with a bright smile that nearly wavered at the sad smile that Eskel wore.</p><p>“Yeah,” Eskel mumbled with a small squeeze to Jaskier’s hands.</p><p>“See?” Jaskier turned back to Priscilla, only able to tell the mischievous glint in her eyes from years of knowing her and knowing their plan. “Besides, Eskel doesn’t think of me that way.”</p><p>“Uh-huh.” Priscilla looked pointedly at Eskel, and Jaskier could feel the way that Eskel tensed up ever so slightly. Under normal circumstances, he might have missed it. He wondered how many times he did miss it.</p><p>“So why are you two holding hands then?” Priscilla asked, leaning against the bar a bit.</p><p>“He’s keeping my hands warm. Like a good friend,” Jaskier declared. “I can’t have my fingers frozen before I go up to sing.” He scooted his chair even closer so he could snuggle up to Eskel a bit. “He’s like a furnace.”</p><p>“I think your furnace is overheating,” Priscilla stage whispered to Jaskier. Jaskier looked at Eskel, who was pointedly trying to keep his face turned away, but it wasn’t enough to hide the way the tips of his ears were turning pink.</p><p>Jaskier pretended not to see it. He instead looked back at Priscilla and beamed. “Oh! Can you get me a drink? I need something to wet my throat,” he said. “Is my secret admirer still paying for the tab?”</p><p>“He is,” Priscilla replied, already getting bottles ready. “What do you want?”</p><p>“Lambert made me a really good drink the other day, called ‘sit on my face’. Think you can do it? If you aren’t as good of a bartender as him to make a custom drink I understand.”</p><p>“I can do you one better.” Priscilla winked at him and set about mixing a drink. She knew exactly what he liked, and it really wasn’t a special drink, but both of them knew that Eskel didn’t know enough about drinks to know what she was making. Soon enough she set a bright pink drink down in front of him. “Here you are. A red velvet kiss.”</p><p>“I won’t tell your girlfriend that you gave me a kiss,” Jaskier promised with a wink. He kept his hands firmly in Eskel’s grasp and simply leaned down to take a drink.</p><p>“Do you want your hands back?” Eskel asked.</p><p>“And have them freeze again just so I can hold my drink? No thank you, I’m perfectly fine like this.” Jaskier leaned down to take another sip to prove his point. It was a bit awkward, but he managed well enough.</p><p>Eskel made a strangled noise next to him, though he pretended not to pay it any mind. He needed to act clueless, he couldn’t show his cards too early.</p><p>“So what do you think? Better than Lambert?” Priscilla asked with a cocky grin.</p><p>Jaskier grinned back at her. “I don’t know, I think I need a second opinion on this. Eskel?”</p><p>“Ah— I have to drive,” Eskel said with a shake of his head.</p><p>“Oh come on, you never come to my place! Priscilla and I just cleaned,” Jaskier insisted. He bumped their shoulders together. “Tell Geralt and Lambert to take care of the farm for the morning. You deserve a night of relaxing. Sleep in. You don’t have to drink.”</p><p>Eskel frowned, clearly debating it in his head back and forth for several seconds. Finally, he hesitantly leaned down and took a sip. He sat back up and nodded. "That is good."</p><p>"Thank you," Priscilla said with a proud smile.</p><p>"I better get up there," Jaskier said with a long suffering sigh. He really was enjoying the feeling of having his hands encased in Eskel's. It was warm, though not very soft. Not with how callused Eskel's hands were. At least he was still clearly using the lotion Jaskier recommended.</p><p>He reluctantly pulled away and stood up with his guitar. "I'll be back."</p><p>"Knock 'em dead," Eskel encouraged. It did make Jaskier feel a little bit better. His nerves were starting to spark again, the butterflies returning to battering against every inch of his insides. Was he really about to do this? He got up onto the stage and sat down on the stool. He glanced at Eskel, who was watching him with a smile.</p><p>He had to do this.</p><p>
  <em>"Sing the cheesiest one you know."</em>
</p><p>So Eskel liked cheesy love songs. Jaskier could do that. He started with a simple song, just something to get warmed up. A song laden with a bit of yearning. Once he was sure he was ready-- or, as ready as he would ever be-- he started the chords to <em>'Can't Help Falling In Love'</em>.</p><p>He thought back to when he last played it. When he was playing it for a faceless individual, who he didn't know anything about besides receiving a cornflower from them. Now he played it for his best friend at the bar, who had been so shyly giving him gifts up until now. His best friend that he knew inside and out, and who knew him just as well.</p><p>He knew his plan. He knew his plan was to look up, lock eyes with Eskel, and sing to him. But he managed to look up for only a brief moment at Eskel before the butterflies took over and made his fingers nearly fumble over the strings. He recovered, but he knew he wouldn't be able to survive looking into Eskel's eyes while he sang the most cliché and cheesy love song he could play. Some other time then.</p><p>He settled for playing light instrumental music. He didn't need to sing, after all, and it was easier on his heart. But he tried his best to pour all of his love into every note, every string plucked, as he occasionally managed to steel himself enough to look up at Eskel.</p><p>It was almost as if Eskel knew, because his eyes were focused on Jaskier the entire time. Maybe Jaskier could settle for singing a cheesy love song to him when they were alone. It would certainly be more romantic that way, and more personal. Then Eskel wouldn’t be able to deny that Jaskier truly was singing for him, and confessing his love through song.</p><p>He spared a quick glance over to Priscilla, who was helping out a couple of customers at the bar. Her sense of pride in her work won out over her acting, which was supposed to be that she wasn’t feeling well. Then again, it wouldn’t reflect well on Geralt’s business if everyone thought that Priscilla was sick and still worked despite it.</p><p>After his fingers started to get weary, he played the final notes on the song and hopped off of the stool to take a break. Priscilla saw the movement and looked over at him with a wide smile. She got a bottle out and poured a shot for Jaskier, their chosen cue. Time for step two of their plan to be enacted, then.</p><p>Jaskier sauntered up to the bar, his hips swaying. He sat in the seat next to Eskel once more and gave a heavy sigh. “I’m tired already,” he whined.</p><p>“Too tired to get another gift from your secret admirer?” Priscilla asked as she set the shot in front of him. Jaskier sat up straighter, the shot going ignored for now. He knew what it was already, but he still vibrated with excitement all the same.</p><p>“Oh? What is it this time? Another flower? A poem?” he asked, bouncing a bit in his seat to try to let out some of the energy from his excitement.</p><p>“Something even better.” Priscilla reached under the bar and brought out the journal, wrapped in tissue. Jaskier wasted no time in unwrapping it. He gasped, nearly dropping the book.</p><p>It was better than he had even imagined. A beautifully detailed bouquet of flowers was embossed on the front, with a ribbon of music notes along a staff winding around them. He traced his fingers over the design, able to pick out the individual flowers. As his fingers skirted down to the music notes, he paused. He ran over them, humming the notes. They formed an actual song, they weren’t just nonsensical notes placed on a staff for the aesthetic.</p><p>“<em>But I..can’t help</em>,” he sang softly to himself, following the notes, “<em>falling in love, with..you.</em>”</p><p>“I wish Essi had been that romantic in wooing me,” Priscilla cooed.</p><p>Jaskier looked up from the journal to narrow his eyes at her. “Oh shut up, she brought you flowers at two in the afternoon.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t two in the morning have been more romantic?” Eskel asked.</p><p>“That’s just normal daytime for me,” Priscilla replied. “Being woken up with flowers when the sun is starting to stream in through the window, that’s romantic.”</p><p>“There’s nothing romantic in ruined beauty sleep,” Jaskier fired back. “At least my secret admirer has had the sense to give gifts when I’m here and awake.”</p><p>“You haven’t even properly looked at it yet,” Priscilla insisted. “There’s more to it. Look inside.”</p><p>“What?” That wasn’t part of the plan. Jaskier didn’t know that. Priscilla only told him that he was getting a journal. He furrowed his brow and looked back down at the journal as he opened it up.</p><p>On the inside was a poem stamped into the leather.</p><p>
  <em>'To the most beautiful orchid,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>May you bloom bright and wondrously</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Under the light of my love.'</em>
</p><p>Jaskier read over the dedication again and again, his thumb running over the letters. “Ah.” He couldn’t manage words. He felt choked up. Knowing it was Eskel that specifically wrote that for him, that it was Eskel that most likely commissioned the notes to read exactly like the beginning of the cheesy, ridiculously cliche love song that Jaskier had first sung for his secret admirer… He felt his eyes water. He sniffed and tried to subtly wipe them away to prevent them from dripping onto the paper— which felt <em>divine</em>, it was not cheap paper that could be picked up from the store.</p><p>“What’s got you so emotional?” Priscilla teased. “I knew you were a romantic, but this is a new level.”</p><p>“I— I just really wish I could meet this guy,” Jaskier admitted softly. “Have him come up to me and say ‘hello, I’m the one that’s been in love with you from afar this entire time’. I would…I don’t know what I’d do. Probably throw my arms around him. Kiss him, maybe.”</p><p>“You don’t even know what he looks like,” Eskel corrected. “He could be gross and sweaty.”</p><p>“You’re gross and sweaty all the time and I still hug you, don’t I?” Jaskier fired back with a grin. “In fact, come here. I need to hug <em>someone</em>.” He wrapped his arms tight around Eskel before Eskel could protest. Priscilla snickered from behind the bar.</p><p>Eskel froze at the sudden hug, but he wrapped his arms tight around Jaskier in return. Jaskier hummed, relaxing against his best friend. He ran his hands up and down along Eskel’s back, his fingers skirting over strong muscles.</p><p>“Shouldn’t you get back to playing?” Eskel mumbled, though he made no move to let go of Jaskier.</p><p>“In a minute. You’re comfy.”</p><p>It was true, Eskel was the best for hugs. Jaskier didn’t know how he got so lucky to have such a wonderful man to fall in love with him. He snuggled closer, nearly falling off of his chair in the process. Eskel wrapped his arms tighter around him on reflex, and Jaskier melted.</p><p>“Come over tonight,” he murmured. “Please.”</p><p>“Alright,” Eskel relented.</p><p>“I’ll spend the night at Essi’s again,” Priscilla assured him. “No bother from me.”</p><p>“No, you don’t have to,” Eskel insisted. “The more the merrier.”</p><p>That wasn’t part of the plan. Jaskier gave Priscilla a fake glare. “No she does. I want you all to myself tonight,” he huffed. He knew exactly what was implied with those words, and he felt Eskel tense up from them. Perhaps he should lighten up a bit. He couldn’t have Eskel dying of a heart attack before he told Eskel that he knew, after all.</p><p>He sighed and let go of his friend to pull away. Speaking of the plan, he got derailed. He rubbed his eyes and patted his cheeks a bit to try to get back on track. “Ah, I really shouldn’t be— dreaming about meeting my secret admirer, really. I hope he wouldn’t be too disappointed.”</p><p>Priscilla smiled and leaned in closer. “Disappointed? Why?”</p><p>“Well, you see, this is all very nice and all. These gifts are wonderful. But…there is someone else I’m already in love with.” Jaskier heaved a heavy sigh and held the journal out to Priscilla. He really didn’t want to go through with this script anymore now, not after seeing exactly the extent of the gift, but the show must go on. “No, I don’t think I can take such a deep and heartfelt gift. Not when my heart already belongs to another.”</p><p>He saw Eskel straighten up out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>“Oh, I haven’t heard about this,” Priscilla said. She grinned wider as she took the journal. “So who is the new crush of the week that has caught my roommate’s eye?”</p><p>“How rude!” Jaskier gasped. “I cannot believe such a scathing remark would come from my best friend! This is not a ‘crush of the week’, I am truly and utterly in love with this fantastic person and have been for quite some time now!”</p><p>“And how long is quite some time?”</p><p>Jaskier stopped. That wasn’t part of the script. “Um.” He cleared his throat and tried to think. How long <em>had</em> he been in love with Eskel? Surely longer than it had been since he realized. “I..have had my eye caught for a few months now, at least. I don’t know.”</p><p>Priscilla laughed. Of course she’d enjoy making Jaskier squirm like this. “You don’t know? How do you not know?”</p><p>“I’ve already told you, I don’t know! I just— looked at him one day and realized I wanted to kiss him, hold him, get my brains fucked out every night,” Jaskier rambled on. The floodgates were opened, he couldn’t stop himself. “I want to wake up and make him breakfast and sing for him, I want to be the shoulder he cries on and celebrate his successes. I want to have disagreements and make up over them, and stumble through getting to know each other even deeper, the gross dark stuff that we don’t show someone we’re trying to always keep our best face on for.” He took a shuddering breath and slowly let it out, pushing his hand through his hair. “I want to be close to him, all the time. That kind of soul-entwining love that’s only talked about in romance novels but I <em>know</em> it exists because I know it’d be what we would have.”</p><p>Priscilla smiled and leaned on her arms on the bar. “Romantic.”</p><p>“Very,” Eskel choked out next to him. His face was flushed dark red, and he was sipping at his water through the tiny straw Priscilla had stuck in it. “He must be a lucky guy.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaskier murmured. He nearly broke there, and would have if it weren’t for Priscilla knocking on the bar to get his attention. “What?”</p><p>“Get back up there and sing, lovebird,” Priscilla teased. “You’re not getting paid to swoon and pour your heart out.”</p><p>“Alright, alright,” Jaskier relented. He stood and grabbed his guitar once more to head for the stage. Geralt and Lambert would be pissed at him if he made them go through all the trouble only for him to break and ruin it at the last moment. He checked his phone to see the time. They should have finished up at least twenty minutes ago. Where were they?</p><p>No matter, he could play to pass the time. Easy enough.</p><p>Except <em>of course</em> Lambert and Geralt picked right as he was starting to play as the time to walk in. They didn’t pay him any mind though, they went straight to the bar. He had to admit, Geralt at least was a good actor when he wanted to be. He looked very much like the disapproving yet concerned manager with his arms folded over his chest and his face in a stern frown. Then again, that was his normal appearance.</p><p>Both of them were in their uniforms, and Lambert forcefully pushed Priscilla towards the door to the back. Jaskier hoped they were sticking to the script like he and Priscilla told them to. Show up, insist Priscilla go home and get some rest, Priscilla would go to Essi’s for the night, and Jaskier would pull Eskel back to his place and successfully woo him.</p><p>They at least got the same results according to plan. Priscilla waved Jaskier over, and Jaskier finished up the song before hopping off of the stage and going back to the bar. He gave a bright, practiced smile to Geralt and Lambert. “Oh good, you got my text.”</p><p>“Thanks for telling us,” Lambert said with a clap to Jaskier’s shoulder. “Can’t have our employee getting sick behind the bar.”</p><p>“I told you I’m fine,” Priscilla whined.</p><p>“No you’re not,” Geralt insisted. He gave Priscilla a small nudge towards the door. “Go home.”</p><p>“Ugh.” Priscilla huffed and looked at Jaskier. “I’ll be at Essi’s if you need anything.”</p><p>“I won’t,” Jaskier assured her. “Get some good rest. Tell Essi I said hello.”</p><p>“I hope you feel better soon,” Eskel offered. “Let me know if you need me to pick you up anything.”</p><p>“I’ll have Essi, but thank you. You’re a darling.” Priscilla gave Eskel a brief hug before walking out, maybe a bit too fast but Jaskier couldn’t blame her. He knew he would be out of the door in an instant if he was being told to go home—</p><p>“Jaskier, go home too,” Geralt cut in.</p><p>Jaskier looked at him wide-eyed. That wasn’t part of the script. Could Geralt read minds now? He was supposed to have a good night of sharing drinks and teasing banter with Eskel, Geralt, and Lambert before finally retiring with Eskel back to their flat. “What?”</p><p>“Go home,” Geralt repeated. “I can’t handle music playing in the background tonight.”</p><p>“Oh.” Well, that made sense. Geralt always was a bit sensitive to noise. Jaskier suddenly felt bad for dragging him into working tonight, when the crowds were bigger and the noise was louder. But he couldn’t tell Geralt, try to call everything off and get Priscilla back in, without exposing their plot. He made a note to text Geralt an apology later.</p><p>“Alright. Eskel?” he asked. “Are you coming with me tonight?” He looked at Lambert. “Can you go to Eskel’s tomorrow morning and get things started? He hasn’t been over in a while.”</p><p>“Yeah sure. As long as none of them try to eat my hair,” Lambert said with a snicker. “By the way, what’s this?” He pulled out the journal from where Priscilla had placed it under the bar.</p><p>“Ah, that is a sweet and heartfelt gift from my secret admirer that I sadly had to turn down,” Jaskier lamented. “I cannot in good faith take such a thoughtful gift when my heart is already taken by another.”</p><p>“I’m sure he won’t mind,” Lambert insisted as he shoved it at Jaskier. “Take it.”</p><p>Jaskier frowned and looked at him. What was with these two and not being able to follow a simple script? “I don’t know, I really shouldn’t. It should go to someone more deserving of my secret admirer’s love and affection.”</p><p>“He’s a complete sap, if you make him take it back then he’ll cry,” Lambert said. He gave the book another small nudge across the bar. “I don’t want to deal with him crying and getting tears and snot all over the bar. So take it with you.”</p><p>Well, he would end up getting it anyways one way or another. “Alright,” Jaskier relented. He took the journal gingerly and stood. “I’ll be back in a minute.”</p><p>When Jaskier returned with his guitar case slung over his shoulder and the journal securely in both of his hands, Eskel was already standing and looking ready to go. His face was red and he was clearly flustered over something, while Lambert looked very satisfied with himself.</p><p>“What did you do?” Jaskier asked with a frown.</p><p>“Nothing, promise,” Lambert swore with his hands up in mock surrender. “Go home, sleep well.”</p><p>Jaskier huffed a small laugh. He wouldn’t be sleeping well if he had any say about it, but that wasn’t something he could say just yet. “Come on,” he said, grabbing Eskel’s hand and tugging him towards the door. “Have a good night,” he called back over his shoulder to Geralt and Lambert, not really caring much if they heard him or not.</p><p>It was time for action.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Jaskier thought his nerves were alight earlier, it was nothing compared to how they were now.</p><p>He felt like throwing up, twisting himself into a pretzel and stretching himself out again, like screaming and bouncing and doing <em>something</em> to get the energy he was brimming with out of his skin. He pulled Eskel along faster, wanting to get to his and Priscilla's flat as soon as possible. The words filled his throat, they clawed up his tongue and rattled against his teeth. He nearly vibrated with the need to scream them out to the heavens.</p><p>The trip stretched on for too long and was over too soon. Jaskier didn't know if he was ready to bolt or to drag Eskel upstairs himself, but his feet betrayed him and he walked into the building and led the way up to his flat before he could decide. The stairs up to the door stretched on forever, fading into an endless expanse, yet Jaskier wished they stretched on for longer.</p><p>He blinked and they were in front of the door. This was it. All he had to do was open the door and say his lines. It was no different than being on a stage, wasn't it? Except a stage didn't determine whether he was happy for the rest of his life or if he'd die alone and brokenhearted.</p><p>He took a deep breath and tried to unlock the door, only for his hands to be shaking too much that he missed. Twice.</p><p>"Are you alright?" Eskel asked. "How much did you have to drink?"</p><p>"Just-- that one Priscilla made me. That's not it," Jaskier mumbled. He sighed and finally got the door open. He paused and stood in front of it, facing Eskel. Eskel stared back at him confused, looking even more confused when the scent of flowers from inside hit him.</p><p>"I have to tell you something," Jaskier started. He could feel his legs shaking. He gripped the journal to his chest. "I-- know you're my secret admirer."</p><p>"What?" Eskel's eyes widened for just a brief moment before his expression changed to a light grin. "Ha, what are you talking about Jask'? I'm not."</p><p>"I know you are. I saw it on the camera feeds in the bar," Jaskier pressed. Upon hearing that, Eskel instantly deflated. He knew he was caught.</p><p>"I see," he mumbled.</p><p>Silence was drawn tighter and tighter between them. Jaskier swallowed the lump in his throat, though his mouth felt dry.</p><p>"I wanted to, uh. Well." He managed a shaky smile and stepped backwards to open the door and lead Eskel inside. The confusion turning to shock to embarrassment delighted Jaskier. There wasn't any disgust on his face.</p><p>"This is all, er-- very romantic," Eskel choked out. "To just ask for, uh. For that."</p><p>Ask? It wasn't supposed to be a question. "For what?" Jaskier turned to look.</p><p>Everything was set up as he and Priscilla designed it. Electric candles cast mood lighting, rose petals were scattered on the floor and the usual furniture in the room was rearranged to be pushed up against all of the far walls. Vases of various flowers, all deep red, sat alongside the electric candles. Soft string music played from a speaker, the songs weaving through the room to take in everything. It all led the eye up to Jaskier’s bed that had been moved into the living room and pushed up against the middle of the wall. The rose petals on the floor trailed up into a large heart shape upon the sheets, which framed the words--</p><p>"'Fuck me'?!" Jaskier squeaked. He stood there for only a moment more before he rushed over to the bed. The journal was set down on it so he could hurriedly scramble up the letters into loose petals again. "Noooo no nonono noo. It was supposed to say 'I love you too'!" He felt his eyes sting with panicked tears. "Oh those assholes I'm going to <em>kill them</em>!"</p><p>A snort followed by a snicker from behind him startled him out of his spiral. He paused and looked at Eskel who was shaking, nearly doubled over, and Jaskier had never seen him grinning so wide. His stomach dropped at the sight of his friend trying to hold back <em>laughter</em> at his ruined attempt of a confession. Was…was he laughing that Jaskier was trying to confess? Was it funny that Jaskier thought that Eskel was in love with him, because he got it so wrong? "Eskel..?"</p><p>"Oh, shit--" Eskel gasped. He coughed and tried to straighten up, though he had to rub his cheeks to get the grin off of his face. "Sorry. Damn. I don't-- I do love you Jask', I'm the one behind all those gifts sure, but that's not why I was laughing." He stepped over to Jaskier and dug his hand in his pocket. "While you were getting your things, Lambert gave me these and said I'd need them." He pulled his hand out to show Jaskier the five wrapped condoms he held.</p><p>Jaskier's mind nearly broke. This was almost too much information to process. "You love me?"</p><p>Eskel wiped a tear from his eye and cleared his throat, though the grin on his face stayed. "Yeah. Have for a long time, Jask'." His grin softened into a shy, embarrassed smile as he looked at the journal on the bed. "I…I didn't want to lose our friendship. If you didn't feel that way about me too. So I thought I'd show you how much I love you without it being me."</p><p>Jaskier sat there, frozen. He knew he needed to do <em>something</em> to complete the romantic scene. He just had to throw his arms around Eskel and pull him into a kiss while a choir sang in the background and the string music crested to its peak. But instead he sat there, only the string music staying at its same gentleness from the speaker beside him. Jaskier slapped the speaker without looking. It took a few limp slaps, but the music finally turned off.</p><p>“So,” Eskel started, clearing his throat.</p><p>“So,” Jaskier echoed. It sounded empty, even to him.</p><p>“Um.” Eskel rubbed over the scars marring his cheek. “This was all a prank wasn’t it?”</p><p>“No!” Jaskier blurted. “No not at all I— I love you too, far more than I really thought myself capable of, but I’m— trying to improvise and get my footing again because this wasn’t supposed to <em>happen</em> I had a big speech planned out and everything, I was going to sweep you off your feet—”</p><p>“I don’t think you can lift me,” Eskel interrupted. “Uh, no offense.”</p><p>“Well I meant metaphorically sweep you off your feet but that sounds like a challenge,” Jaskier said with a slowly widening grin.</p><p>“You’re going to hurt yourself,” Eskel warned, but that only spurred Jaskier on to wrap his arms around Eskel’s waist and haul him up. He gave a triumphant laugh.</p><p>“See? Told you—” he said, his voice strained. He tried to turn Eskel to toss him onto the bed, but only took a half step to the left before his legs gave out on him and they went tumbling down onto the floor. He wheezed as Eskel dropped on top of him. At least he cushioned Eskel’s fall, he faintly noted.</p><p>Eskel drew back, though he stayed mostly on Jaskier’s lap. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Ow, yeah,” Jaskier said with a wince. He huffed. “Okay. So I can’t actually sweep you off your feet. But anyways, I had this whole thing planned, and now it is completely and thoroughly <em>ruined</em>.”</p><p>“I don’t think it matters much,” Eskel mused, a grin on his lips again. “I still <em>fell</em> for you anyways.”</p><p>“Oh you—” Jaskier playfully slapped Eskel’s chest. “Ugh. I hate you.”</p><p>“No you don’t,” Eskel said, a hand coming up to cup Jaskier’s jaw.</p><p>“No I don’t,” Jaskier agreed softly. He swallowed the nerves bubbling back up in him, though they didn’t come back nearly as strong after he accidentally dropped Eskel on himself. He tilted his head into the large hand, melting under the warm touch. “So..You love me?”</p><p>“Mmhm.” Eskel reached blindly over with his free hand, waving it around in the air a moment. He finally had to turn his head, his brow furrowing as he had to stretch a bit to get to the speaker and start the music again. The calm and soothing string music almost seemed to mock them now as they sat on the floor, their legs still tangled from falling over and bruises surely already forming. They both stared at the speaker for a moment before Eskel turned it back off.</p><p>“That was a bad idea,” Eskel said simply.</p><p>Jaskier couldn’t help it, everything that could have possibly gone wrong did in the funniest ways possible. It started to catch up to him, and he snorted. He tried to hold it back, but the laughter bubbled out of him light and carefree, and he rested his forehead against Eskel’s chest. Eskel laughed as well, his thick arms coming to wrap around Jaskier. The deep rumbling in his chest jostled Jaskier around.</p><p>They stayed like that for what felt like forever, wrapped up in each other and laughing their hearts out. Jaskier clung to Eskel and laughed until tears ran down his cheeks and he felt like he couldn’t breathe, and when he pulled away to try to get some semblance of control back he found Eskel was in a similar state, gasping for breath.</p><p>“Fancy— Fancy running into you here,” Eskel gasped, though it only made them collapse into more laughter.</p><p>“I <em>live</em> here!”</p><p>“I know!”</p><p>“Okay, okay, okay,” Jaskier said, coughed, then cleared his throat and sat up. “So what now?”</p><p>“Well now I’d prefer to sit on something that isn’t the floor.”</p><p>“You’re not sitting on the floor, you’re sitting on me.”</p><p>“You got me there.” Eskel still stood anyways, and helped Jaskier up as well. “But I bet you’d prefer something softer than the floor.”</p><p>Jaskier couldn’t argue with that. He climbed onto the bed and plopped down at the head of it, ignoring the petals that he sent askew with his moving. Eskel followed behind, sitting cross-legged opposite of him.</p><p>“So,” Jaskier started.</p><p>“So,” Eskel echoed with a small smile. “Uh..want to try all that again?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I kind of like how it all turned out,” Jaskier mused. He plucked a petal from the sheets and flicked it towards Eskel. “It’ll make a fun story later, when someone asks how we got together.”</p><p>“True,” Eskel agreed. “Though I think we’re missing something.”</p><p>“Oh?” Jaskier asked with a knowing grin. He shuffled closer and sat on his knees, nearly able to feel Eskel’s breath on his lips. “And what are we missing?”</p><p>“Um—” Eskel paused, his face flushing deeper red. “Well I was hoping you’d just— get the message.”</p><p>Jaskier’s grin turned into a wicked smirk. “No, no, I’m quite dim you know.”</p><p>“Wait, no you’re not. You went to university.”</p><p>“No, I’m stupid. I need you to spell out specifically what it is you mean. Otherwise I fear I may never catch on.”</p><p>“No,” Eskel insisted, squishing Jaskier’s cheeks in his hands. “You are <em>so</em> smart.”</p><p>“Eskel,” Jaskier mumbled, his lips pursed a bit from where Eskel was squishing his face. “’m trying to be cute and funny here.”</p><p>“You saying you’re stupid isn’t funny,” Eskel said with his brow furrowed. “Say you’re smart.”</p><p>“Okay, ‘m shmart. Super shmart. Th’ absolute shmartest.” Jaskier pulled his face out of Eskel’s hold. He took Eskel’s hands in his own and lowered them between them so he could look at Eskel with a small smile. “Tell me? I want to hear you say it.”</p><p>He could see Eskel’s Adam’s apple bobbing, his jaw working to try to form the words. He gave a reassuring squeeze to his hands and shuffled closer until their noses nearly brushed.</p><p>Eskel’s tongue peeked out to wet his lips, and he took a deep breath. “I— really want to kiss you, Jask’.”</p><p>“I’m yours,” Jaskier whispered. He felt his eyes sting with tears, and tried to will them not to fall. “I always have been.”</p><p>Eskel kept his hold on Jaskier’s hands as he carefully leaned in, and Jaskier tilted his head and met him in the middle. Their lips touched in just a soft brush, hesitant and careful, before one of them— neither of them knew who— pressed closer and they were gone. They met for kiss after kiss, sharing soft gasps of air between each one.</p><p>Eskel finally pulled away when he was really starting to run out of air, though he didn’t miss the way Jaskier tried to chase after him for just one more kiss. “Jask’.”</p><p>“Mmh?” Jaskier hummed in reply, his eyes hazy.</p><p>“Your stomach is growling.”</p><p>“Oh shit!” Jaskier pulled away and sat up straight. He tangled his fingers in his hair and groaned. “I forgot, fuck I was supposed to make an order for delivery before we left so that we would have time to have our confession and I could make my speech and just as we were done the food would show up and it’d be <em>perfect</em>. But then Geralt rushed us out the door and I was so confused and nervous I forgot to order.”</p><p>Eskel laughed and shook his head. “Alright, don’t panic. We can still order. Plenty early.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Jaskier gave a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of his neck. “Or we could..make something here? Together?”</p><p>Eskel laughed. “Alright,” he relented. “What do you have for ingredients?”</p><p>“That’s..a very good question,” Jaskier said. He stood and led the way to the kitchen with Eskel following close behind. “Prissy and I haven’t gone shopping in a while but we have..” He rummaged around in the cabinets. “Pasta.” He opened another door. “Cereal. Bread, I think we have some lunch meat that might still be good.”</p><p>“Mm.” Eskel wrapped his arms around Jaskier’s waist from behind. “Will you judge me if I say some cereal for dinner sounds good?” His thumb just barely brushed under the hem of Jaskier’s shirt, hesitant as it stroked over Jaskier’s hip. “No effort, and I—” Jaskier waited as Eskel paused, tense behind him as he tried to find the words. “I, uh…want to kiss you some more.”</p><p>“But there’s no romance in that,” Jaskier grumbled. “No kisses against counters while we wait for water to boil or for an oven to heat up.”</p><p>“Do you want a kiss against the counter?” Eskel asked.</p><p>Jaskier spun around, his eyes bright. “Oh I thought you’d never ask,” he breathed. He took a step back to lean against the counter while Eskel crowded into his space. He wound his arms around Eskel’s neck and tugged him down, though it was at the same time that Eskel was already leaning down, and Eskel accidentally pitched forward and headbutted Jaskier. They both yelped in pain and pulled away. Eskel was mortified while Jaskier rubbed the sore spot on his forehead.</p><p>“Ow, that’s going to bruise,” he mumbled.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Eskel blurted, taking another step back.</p><p>Jaskier laughed and stepped towards him, winding his arms around his neck to keep him from running any more. “Don’t be. Want to try again?”</p><p>Eskel cleared his throat and his eyes flicked down to Jaskier’s lips again. “Yes.”</p><p>“Okay. Stay still this time.” Jaskier raised himself up on his toes and leaned in, angling his head to the side just enough to brush his lips against Eskel’s in a chaste kiss. “There. Better?”</p><p>“Mhm.” One of Eskel’s hands cupped Jaskier’s cheek to tilt his head and pull him in for another kiss, and another, while backing him up against the counter. Jaskier leaned back against it with a small, muffled laugh against Eskel’s lips as he pulled him closer.</p><p>They separated so that Jaskier could hold Eskel tighter, and Eskel wrapped his arms around Jaskier in turn. “Feels like I’m dreaming,” Jaskier murmured, swaying a bit with him. “I want to stay here with you forever.”</p><p>“We have to eat,” Eskel pointed out.</p><p>“I know.” Neither of them made a move to pull away. Jaskier brushed a kiss to where his face was squished against Eskel’s shoulder. “Okay. On three.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“One…two..three.”</p><p>Neither of them moved.</p><p>“Okay maybe in a bit,” Jaskier finally relented with a laugh. Eskel grinned and ducked his head down to trail feather-light kisses down his neck, making Jaskier laugh more. “Oh you—! That tickles!” Though despite his protests, he tilted his head back and leaned more against the counter so that Eskel could trail more teasing kisses along the line of his neck. More laughter was pulled from him when Eskel took it a step further and blew a raspberry against the spot right above the crook of his neck, making him jerk from the tickling.</p><p>“Okay, that’s enough,” Eskel chuckled, finally pulling away even as Jaskier whined and pawed at his shirt to try to keep him close. “Want to just order in then so we can keep kissing?”</p><p>“Yes please.”</p><p>Jaskier led the way back into the living room to flop onto his bed. Rose petals were sent flying around him, which really would have been romantic if one didn’t land right in his mouth and made him spit and sputter with a grimace. He sat up to pluck it off of his tongue and flick it away. “Ugh. Those taste awful.”</p><p>Eskel sat down on the edge of the bed with a small grin. “Well what did you expect?” His eyes fell on the journal, and he grabbed it to hold it out to Jaskier. “Did you still want this? I know you turned it down at the bar, but—”</p><p>Jaskier snatched the journal from him and held it close to his chest. “If you even think of taking it from me, I will cry.”</p><p>“…Okay,” Eskel said, blinking a couple times in surprise. “So, food?”</p><p>“Yes.” Jaskier pulled his phone out of his pocket to pull up the delivery app. “Let’s see. A lot of our main options are closed by now, but we can still order….looks like chicken, tacos, or pizza are our choices.”</p><p>“Whatever you want, I’ll eat,” Eskel said. He shifted to lay down next to where Jaskier sat, pillowing his head on his arms. He stared at Jaskier with a smile that had no right being as soft as it was. Jaskier pushed his face a bit, trying to keep his gaze focused on his phone.</p><p>“Stop looking at me like that,” he huffed. “I’m trying to order us food before it’s too late.”</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Cow eyes.”</p><p>“Mm.” A gentle hand came to trace up along Jaskier’s leg. “This better?”</p><p>“No, but I’m not stopping you,” Jaskier mumbled. Eskel’s fingers walked up along the top of his thigh, and he stilled his hand halfway up Jaskier’s thigh, letting it simply lay there. It was warm and heavy, and Jaskier took a deep breath and slowly let it out.</p><p>“Okay. Food. Right.” He tried to focus back on ordering. Finally the food was ordered, and he swallowed nervously. “It’ll be about half an hour.” He chanced a brief glance at Eskel, who was looking so damn <em>smitten</em> that Jaskier couldn’t help but lean down to press another kiss to his lips.</p><p>“I love you,” he murmured, trailing his fingers down over Eskel’s chest.</p><p>“I love you too,” Eskel replied with an innocent squeeze to Jaskier’s thigh. “How’d you think to check the camera feeds? Did Geralt show you?”</p><p>“No, he just uses the same password for everything,” Jaskier replied. He slid to lay down next to Eskel and cuddled up to him. “I was getting tired of waiting and being frustrated over having my heart torn in two by someone I thought I didn’t know, and my best friend who I was hopelessly in love with but I thought didn’t feel the same way about me.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Eskel murmured. “Didn’t think you felt like that about me. What with how you constantly insisted we were only friends and all. And then that morning we were both hungover to hell…”</p><p>“Yeah.” Jaskier sighed and trailed his fingers along Eskel’s back. “Maybe we could..try that again sometime? Build a blanket fort and fuck in it for real?” Eskel choked at that, and Jaskier quickly backtracked. “Not right now! Or any time this week, month, year or ever if you don’t want but I just thought it’d be a good way to—”</p><p>“Jask’,” Eskel said, and Jaskier’s teeth clicked with how hard he shut his mouth to keep from rambling on any more. Eskel sighed and continued, “I— would really like that. You just caught me off guard. Didn’t think you to be so blunt.”</p><p>“Oh that’s not even close to how blunt I can be,” Jaskier said with a small grin. “If you’d like a demonstration, I can tell you in detail about how many times I’ve thought about your cock.”</p><p>“Maybe after we’ve gotten food,” Eskel advised. “Can’t scar the poor person bringing us dinner.”</p><p>“Mm, true,” Jaskier agreed. He smiled and trailed his fingers over Eskel’s chest. “After dinner, then?”</p><p>“After dinner.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Leave a comment and kudos if you liked it, I thrive off of validation and it makes the creative juice go zoom</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>